SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

Oh dear

I stopped working because of ill health. If I’m asked, I say “I’m not working at the moment due to ill health”. DH tells people I’m ‘retired’ and it really, really winds me up. He likes the idea of me being retired because he’s retired. I know realistically I’ll probably never be well enough to work again, but I’m not prepared to make it definite just yet.

This. All of it.

A well earned break with a retirement party.😂😂 Children are only children for so long.

Good point.

I get where you’re coming from. I speak to people daily who tell me they are retired and I quite clearly see they’ve spent their life on benefits declaring ill health for never working.
I also speak to some who go up the wall when pension is declared as a benefit when they’ve worked all their life.
swings and roundabouts , she’s not working and neither are you. If you’ve always had this split between you, it’s not going to change now.

So OP doesn’t mind revealing how much she’s getting for her pension? A lot of people don’t really like revealing that much info to someone.

Does it matter?

You may be a grumpy old mare and resent someone unreasonably but at least you’ve still got a sense of humour!

Lol yes, retired from being younger. Not retiring as in the normal sense from a career/job. Like being a grandma at age 36 (an in law) ... one automatically assumes certain things. X

Some people are self deluded

That's a very nice situation to be in your 50s these days.

I'm sorry it doesn't explain why it irritates me, I did try.

Right here goes....... You don't like her saying she's retired because you've had to work out of the house , full time and raise your children, whereas she had it easier, staying home and raising her kids. Simple. No secrets here, but I think you know that.

@mayorofcasterbridge, you're taking offence where none was intended. I've done both sah and woh and I'm well aware that of course wohp raise their dc. But they aren't physically doing childcare when they are at work. It's not a criticism - they are doing the equally valuable task of earning money to support them. But it's impossible to be both at work and simultaneously looking after children.

The way that's worded makes it sound like the woh is doing an inferior job though!

OP said exactly this in her post though, it doesn't take much in the way of powers of deduction.

Personally I think it's weird how SAHPs of school age (+) children in this thread can't and won't accept that it's harder work to have 2 working parents than 1 working parent and 1 SAHP. You still have all the same household tasks that a SAHP completes during the daytime, except you have to fit them around 40 hours of work too. Of course some people have help, but most of us don't. We're just flat out, all the time.

Being a SAHP is a valid choice for those lucky enough for it to be an economic possibility. It's a role that can create a fantastic lifestyle for the whole family, and that's really lovely. But to pretend it's as hard as being a working parent (excluding disabled children or similar) is just deluded.

Retiring from work as a working parent is an enormous shift in life and lifestyle, as well as the culmination of a career. Retiring from being a SAHP means doing exactly what you did the day before, the week before, the year before. It's not real. It doesn't bother me for people to use it (maybe because I'm much younger) but it's very obviously a bit false and silly.

I get what you mean. People retire from employment. She’s a housewife/homemaker, not a retiree. My MIL said the same and she’s never worked, got married very young and was a housewife/SAHM. I did find it an odd term when she used it.

It sounds to me like you're questioning whether being a SAHM can be called a job and therefore now your SIL's children are grown up can she really call herself retired? I'm assuming your job was high-powered (as opposed to an occasional hobby job). Did anyone help you to take care of your DCs while you were working? Or were you endowed with superwoman superpowers? To me this is the thorny old question of SAHM v career mum juggling everything playing out into retirement.

I don’t know many sahp but the ones I do run themselves ragged for their families. Actually, every women I know runs herself ragged for her family weather she works full time or not. This whole thread is horrible and depressing. My mother in law hasn’t worked for many years and now she’s officially retired. Hasn’t once occurred to me to be annoyed about that.

Quite. Who looked after your children? How much do you resent them and their lack of a job? Or were your children with you the whole time you were working?

Looking after someone else’s children isn’t the same as looking after your own children.

A retired sort of life you might say. I’ve no idea why you find this irritating either. Leave her be.

Life should not be a competition.

Yeah, it's not. But reality exists too. Being a surgeon is harder than working in admin. Does that mean working in admin is not "valid" should not be "celebrated" or "respected" or is not "hard work"? Of course not. It just means that we're adults and can actually deal with objective truth without making out like it's an insult.

I said exactly what you said without the qualifying fillers. She feels it was easier for the SAHM so she's pissed off that she would call herself retired. In a nutshell.