SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

Reflect maybe?
SIL hasn't retired because she wasn't working.
The previous temp jobs were some time ago ( I presume) ,did she retire when she finished those?
Not sure but if you aren't working ,you can't retire.
Being a parent is forever, wouldn't class it as working although I appreciate how hard it is.
And I presume SIL"s children started school several years ago

She sounds rather an irritating person. Just mentally file her under Lives Off Someone Else (Retired).

@GivingitToGod
And who made it the OPs place to make SIL 'reflect'?

Nah, she sounds like a person giving her take on her own situation.
I don't think she really should have to justify it to a jealous sister in law who seems to feel superior.

probably.
my husband was medically retired at 30, and I'm his carer. I carried on working until his needs meant I couldn't reliably be available for a four hour shift plus the travel time, and our household benefits deducted my earnings, leaving me with only £10 a week to show for it compared to if I wasn't.
I do a lot of surveys. if there is no option for carer under employment status, I will tick retired rather than unemployed. it's the least inaccurate of the two.

Being a SAHM is a job, and a bloody hard one. One without holidays or shifts it’s 24/7. She is retired. Even if she never worked a day in her life- why does it matter to you?

I doubt she gives a shit about reflecting if she's gone this long with working a few days.

I appreciate that this is absolutely true and that’s a wider societal issue that I would love politicians to address in terms of support for flexi working, more parental leave etc. and I may be OP is annoyed that her SIL has more financial freedom to make different decisions… but being cross with her for having that doesn’t seem helpful!

I agree with the poster who thought you are projecting your resentment onto her for reaching retirement without having put in the hard work you did in paid employment. She’s free to call herself retired if that’s the label she is most comfortable with. She worked hard raising those three children although I’m sure you see yourself as having worked harder than her with an extra child and a job at the same time.

I’m a stay at home mum with no plans on ever working full time again, I would consider a return to some kind of paid work or possibly volunteer work on a part time basis when my youngest is high school age. By this point I’ll likely be in my 50s and may well decide to “retire” instead.

And before anyone claims I’m financially vulnerable or dependent on my husband I continue to generate income from my investments and would be able to be a stay at home mum / retired now in my late 20s with or without my husband and his salary. It’s possible to have income without working for it, although of course this is a hugely privileged position and likely not the norm for stay at home mums.

That being said my husband respects and values my role as a stay at home parent, we believe it’s enormously beneficial for our family and this arrangement works well for us. I genuinely don’t care about my career anymore, and my qualifications are relevant to parenting.

You sound jealous. She's got her life. You have yours. Leave her alone.

Sure, if there's so much money that we can outsource the domestic drudgery so neither has to do it, sounds great.

What I wouldn't do is 'retire' once the kids have moved out only cook, clean and wash a man's underpants for decades until one of us dies, in exchange for being supported.

Yes, I'd find it a wee bit irritating too OP!

I get this. You don't retire from being a parent, you're always a parent but the role changes.

You do retire from employment.

I'm guessing your sil has found terminology she's happy with to explain her non work status. When I was a sahp I hated the 'what do you do?' Question. Even though I had a disabled child, and was a carer to my mum and granddad I still felt lacking in some way,

Didn't know this was something to get worked up about. Don't let her choice of word get you worked up. Doesn't matter at all in the grand scheme of things. Or even at all.

Im not driven to downplay anyone’s labour rather I think the OP is entitled to have hers acknowledged.

OP has said that her SIL has been critical of her work and parenting so this is probably why this rankles, rather than OP not recognising the contribution of SAHMs.

Housewives never retire, they work till they die. It's a shame that term fell out of use because SAHP has a bit of a martyr complex associated with the name and leads to people questioning your point when the kids start school. Especially since they are such a rare breed, I only know a very few, most parents work. And one of the few is actually a local councillors and does a lot of charity work so follows the pattern of my parent's generation where the capable and educated middle class women all did unpaid work outside the house once the children were no longer infants. And that was because doing paid work (that they were more than capable of) would bring disgrace on their husband because it would suggest they didn't earn enough to keep a wife and family.

I'd roll my eyes at @SacreBleugh 's SIL, as will most of her acquaintances. But she's in a bind because the only term to describe her role is now not used. Maybe she should call herself a Trad Wife?

Disagree. If you don’t need to work and are not looking for work you are not unemployed. You are unemployed if you are available to work. I’m not available to work because I am no longer availing myself to work. I’m not unemployed.

I wouldn't describe her as retired as she is probably doing similar stuff now and she was 10 years ago. I.e. a bit of housework. Housewife would be more accurate.

Why?

Id say this is the most accurate use of language.

Define working.

Agree. You are 'not economically active' but not unemployed.

Yes, you’d never see the words ‘unemployed multi millionaire’ would you.

When my DC stops actively needed me so much I will have 'withdrawn from my occupation' of a SAHM.

At that point I will be retired.

My life will be different as it won't be centred around helping DD any more, DH and I will be able to go on holidays as and when, I won't be ferrying DD to any from of education or therapy etc etc.