SIL describing herself as "retired" pissing me off

[SacreBleugh]

I have recently retired. I've worked full time my entire career, as well as bringing up 4 kids. I know. Heroic.
My SIL is a SAHM to 3 grown up kids. She's had the odd temporary very part time hobby job in the 30 years I have known her. She is now also describing herself as "retired". I'm not sure why I find this irritating.

When you've calmed down, I suggest you re read the thread. You'll see that the only person who can't accept other women's opinions and life-choices is you.

Would you really?
You would try and humiliate someone to satisfy your own needs and validation?

Okay, good!

You do know how irritating it is to be told to calm down? I am perfectly calm. I enjoy a robust debate but some posters here aren't capable of that. You need to re-read the thread too, because not everyone is on the same page as you either. Now I am done with replying to you. Good night.

I agree... Don't lower yourself @SacreBleugh Just smile serenely and change the subject. Although I'd be tempted to say something like, "yes isn't it great now we're a couple of pensioners".... She love that 😁🤣

What a fuss over nothing though on this thread. I'm like the SIL 😀except I'm 50, left work at 30. I don't think I'd say I was 'retired' to be honest, because I don't work anyway. I'd just say, 'I don't work.' Everyone knows this anyway - hardly a revelation. Loads of people we know don't work, or they do odd contracts, or projects, or volunteer, or whatever. This kind of thing is only ever a drama on MN.

If she is not intending to seek employment and has previously worked (even in what you so dismissively call a hobby job) and been a SAHM in the past but isn't now she is in fact retired.

My "page" is that I have no judgement for women who work, and I have no judgement for women who don't. My "page" is also that if you do deliberately try to make other women feel shame for their choices then you are not a good person.

If people are on a different page to that then that's ok.

Also @the7Vabo - 12 years is 2/3rds of a child’s life, that’s a massive chunk. OP’s SIL has 3 kids - that could easily be 20+ years of having an under 12, which is what is defined by you as the amount of time a woman is allowed to find SAHM life demanding. Not sure why you’re driven to downplay other women’s labour. Also not sure why it matters to you what another woman does with her life.

I wish there wasn’t so much judgement of SAH parents by those working full time and also vice versa. Yes they are different lifestyles but surely we can just respect other women make different choices. Also the same people can be SAH parents then full time working parents at different points in life. What we do doesn’t totally define us.

I feel sorry for the OP - she has retired but that's not enough - she needs more recognition and I think the bitterness she describes in her initial post will prevent her from gaining true peace with everyone around her. I'd be really surprised if her attitude was contained to her Sil alone. You can't change who you are.

I think ita jealousy

No point in being irritated, she is retired.

I can see why this grates OP
SIL clearly is describing herself as retired from raising her grown up children when you have worked FT while raising 4 kids.
Stark difference but life was never fair.
Take care and enjoy your much deserved retirement

Spot on

Not humiliation, just a straight forward question

@GivingitToGod
Rubbish.
We both know that was a suggestion to make the SIL feel awkward.

You can't be a SAHM to grown up kids.......... She's unemployed.

Why are you fighting like a kid with made up scenarios just to win?
It's not a competition and there is no medal for who did more.

I wonder what people would say about stay at home wives!!!!

Who don't have any kids to look after.

Do you think that these stay at home wives are failures???

Come on guys.
If you had the money, you would do the same.

Let's say my husband earn 300k a year after tax. He doesn't want me to work. He wants me to be stress free and looked after. He enjoy paying for my leisure activities and my weekends away on my girl trips.

Before you judge, I work. Not because I want to because I need to. For food. For a roof. For a car. But I could easily retire if my husband earned 300k after tax.

I think this thread needs to be retired

But why would you ask?

She’s only unemployed if she’s looking for work. A lottery winner who gives up work wouldn’t be called unemployed would they!

Eh? Yes it is!
I say this as a parent of SEN kids. admittedly, this is a lot harder work than kids without additional needs, but there is still the need for the house to be in order, laundry done, food prepared.
Why are you undervaluing this important work? I think it deserves extra respect because it’s so relentlessly boring and soul-destroying! Talk about self-sacrifice!

Disagree. You are a job seeker if you are looking for work. If you aren't employed you are unemployed. She may well be happy being unemployed.