School refusing my daughter a replacement sticker

[Trek28]

My daughter is 4-years old and has just started school. She did some good work in class and was called up in assembly last Friday, and was given a special sticker by the headteacher. When I collected her from school that day she was really upset and told me about the sticker, and that it had been lost/another child had taken it during the school day. I thought, no problem, I'll just email the school and ask for another one.

I emailed the school explaining the situation, but was a bit surprised and taken aback by the response. It reads:

Hello XXXXX,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, the headteacher sticker is given out in the morning and has to last the day at school.

We are unable to give out a replacement. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

This response strikes me as a bit mean and was not at all the response I expected. I know it is just a silly sticker. But my daughter was really proud to receive it and is still upset that it is lost. She keeps wanting to talk to me about it and I don't even know what it looks like. Any suggestions? AIBU?

I'm a primary teacher. The amount of work created for me by parents who just need one small, reasonable thing for their child is staggering. It adds hours to my week. It's relentless.

Yesterday I was still communicating with parents at 6.45 in the evening (while cooking my family's dinner) trying to chase up those who hadn't filled in the permission form that had been sent home in multiple formats on several occasions. Every single one of them was sorry and had a very good reason for not getting around to it, but there were six of them and it all adds up.

Yes, the school could very easily have replaced the sticker.

Far more importantly, OP, as a teacher, I can tell you for an absolute fact that the kids whose parents rush in to solve every problem for them do not do well in the long term. We see it over and over again. Yes, she's 4. Yes, it's just one sticker. But do her a favour and start teaching her some resilience and coping skills for when life is not 100% peachy. That's good parenting, and she will be better off in the long run than if she had a replacement sticker.

My eldest was in reception 10 years ago and there would have been zero chance for the sticker to be replaced, as it was a special large golden one. It's a first step to learn to look after your property. How can children learn if there are no natural consequences? I can understand that it must have been disappointing for your dd but writing an email to request a new sticker is over the top and short sighted, school office is not customer service 😂your dd is one of 30-90 reception kids, if 50% lose their special sticker and request a new one, well you can do the maths.

Times must have changed. 10 years ago posters on Mumsnet would not have found the schools reply particularly unkind but there is an expectation now that children must never ever experience and minor difficulties, challenges or sadness. Children brought up in this way will not learn any resilience and make a drama out of the most minor obstacles they encounter.

OP you think you are doing your child a favour and having their back (I understand the instinct) but instead you could have said how proud you are of her, that stickers sadly do sometimes fall off that she is still the headteachers student for the day/week and that's what really matters. You could have asked her in an interested way to describe what it looked like. You could have also explained that the sticker itself doesn't really mean anything but the fact she did well is something to be proud of. And that it's nice to get recognised but at the end of the day we want to do well because doing well is nice not to get a sticker. Then distract her. If she instantly gets a new replacement sticker, it's not as special and the same anyway and how will your dd learn to look after her things?

I honestly can't believe you emailed the school to demand a new sticker. It's not an Olympic medal or the Victoria cross. Even those don't tend to get replaced if the owner loses theirs.

This
You need to start now teaching your child resilience and pragmatism.

I want to add that how you phrased your thread title, that school are refusing a replacement sticker sounds unbelievable entitled. FYI, they don't owe you any sticker and with the total fuss you made you turned a lovely reward and experience into a petty drama. You are that parent.

10 years ago posters on Mumsnet would not have found the schools reply particularly unkind but there is an expectation now that children must never ever experience and minor difficulties, challenges or sadness. Children brought up in this way will not learn any resilience and make a drama out of the most minor obstacles they encounter.

Sadly this is very true. I'm an 'older' mum with a 4 year old and another on the way and I just cannot understand this current way of thinking. These parents are doing absolutely no favours for their children in the future.

You're leaving in droves because a parent emailed about a sticker? Get some resilience!

Losing stickers which aren’t then immediately replaced, teaches children not to peel and unpeel their sticker from their jumper until it loses its ‘stick’!

We used to give stampers of a smiley face on the back of the hand which were great-far less expensive in the long run and can’t get lost. They would still be on by the end if the day to show mum or dad. I’ve seen posts on here aghast that staff were touching their precious child’s hand with a stamper, though!

Honestly, ridiculous expectations from some parents is the thing that has me WTFing at the end of the day.

I have one parent who comes to speak with me nearly every day over every tiny little thing. She is often either in tears or very angry and about complete non issues - neither she or her child has any resilience regarding anything. Yesterday, she told me that speaking to her every day is making it appear to other parents as though there is a problem with her child or he is 'naughty' and complained about that as well.

I was only speaking with her because she had approached me.

She couldn't see that I only speak to her so often because she approaches me and that other parents deal with similar issues by reassuring their child and giving them a cuddle.

I cannot believe you emailed school over a sticker!
You need to grow up and you need to think of the example you're setting to your child!

It
is
a
bloody
sticker

Stickers are not meant to last the day. I cannot believe you wasted the school's time about this.

OP she's going to have to toughen up and get used to loosing sticker etc at school. Tell her if she doesn't want to moose them then to stop fiddling with them and not to take it off her jumper.

Maybe OP is sad she didn't get to share her dd's sticker on social media? Just a thought.

Don't be silly, you know exactly what the poster means.

Teachers are leaving the profession in droves for many reasons but one of the biggest is definitely the current attitude and expectations of some parents and their precious little darlings. The sticker thing is just one very minor example but I have teacher friends and I've heard so many crazy stories.
Honestly, there's no amount of money would make me want to teach these days.

They want to give up because some parents email about silly things? Thats just customer service jobs anywhere

Not just one parent. Not just one silly time wasting request.

Again, don't be silly.

You think a couple of emails are all teachers are dealing with these days? You must be very naive.

But... in a customer service job, responding to customer reqiests/complaints/communications is the job.

They don't have several other jobs to do on top of that.

That's how I read it. Most schools don't even have budgets to get glue sticks, teachers and assistants, sports equipment and given how many students will loose stickers this really isn't a bug issue. Congratulate her. Give her another special mummy sticker. Divert and it will soon be forgotten.

Am a foreigner in the uk and having lived am often astonished by what riles parents about their children's school (and life) experiences. In my country you are lucky if there is a teacher to teach your class of 70 or 200. This is not to say UK should sink this low but my standards are "low" as am just happy my kids have got nurturing teachers who give their best in the uk hostile teaching environment. Between parents and government pressures, we be lucky to have teachers at all I'm 10 years time. Perhaps teaching will be outsourced to prisoners/offenders as a community service.

So if its not on SM then it didn't happen?

Fine the teachers should probably all just quit then

Oh grow up 🙄

I think your responses do indeed exemplify why so many are leaving.@OldChinaJug, sorry! It’s you I agree with. Just to clarify. One parent thinks their message/request is so important but when you have that every day on top of everything else you have to do. It’s exhausting! I think the OP needs to teach their child resilience and a life lesson, don’t lose the sticker.

Buy pack of stickers and give her one of them.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Headteachers-Reward-Stickers-Children-Teachers/dp/B0DGNHSKC6/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?crid=133A9OMRUS9Y8&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9._lSMhVTfB67VmqRPNsQhH4KrbjZW4p8QTsLxeNJ11Z-e6igsOHRDgbQwnrL0Rrqx5SMNJKDwj_mPjOP_TQQZtkLCYUpfDHhMwmqDddj_1PoLYWPIiwq0NaOD6KTqZf2uG_i1Cx_I4PwVEtHWr6qG1YeneZrUuyBEEukJRj1JiAeHWLISfoM63ijo5dKXyKrpQpJxytYR3orj1kwYXbWjAw.cyDw6PiXuR1yirTXuKUPoBM1I8GTZLzkhR955BEHLNE&dib_tag=se&keywords=headteacher+reward+sticker&nsdOptOutParam=true&qid=1731399308&sprefix=headteacher+reward+sticker%2Caps%2C70&sr=8-4
You will find school very hard if you worry about these small things or let your daughter.

I was agreeing!!! I wouldn't want to put up with customer service requests all day every day while trying to teach so don't know why they are

The reality is that most parents are reasonable, decent people. Most teachers are also parents - were not a different species.

Most parents will ask questions and be satisfied with the response.

Most parents aren't complaining and are just drawing your attention to something.

Most parents are respectful. As are most teachers.

Most teachers understand that parents just want to be reassured their child is safe and happy at school and hasn't been overlooked.

Most parents just want it to be fair and most teachers want the same.

If you have a genuine concern about your child, you should never feel that your child's teacher is unapproachable or unhelpful.

All teachers know that the job is more than just delivering the curriculum.

But there are some parents who do, on occasion, need to gain a bit of perspective.