School refusing my daughter a replacement sticker

[Trek28]

My daughter is 4-years old and has just started school. She did some good work in class and was called up in assembly last Friday, and was given a special sticker by the headteacher. When I collected her from school that day she was really upset and told me about the sticker, and that it had been lost/another child had taken it during the school day. I thought, no problem, I'll just email the school and ask for another one.

I emailed the school explaining the situation, but was a bit surprised and taken aback by the response. It reads:

Hello XXXXX,

Thank you for your email.

Unfortunately, the headteacher sticker is given out in the morning and has to last the day at school.

We are unable to give out a replacement. Sorry for any inconvenience caused.

This response strikes me as a bit mean and was not at all the response I expected. I know it is just a silly sticker. But my daughter was really proud to receive it and is still upset that it is lost. She keeps wanting to talk to me about it and I don't even know what it looks like. Any suggestions? AIBU?

The obvious response is, "Oh well, you'll just have to do some more good work so you can get another one."

If it's every child who's going to lose their ticket and get upset about it (and I don't honestly think it is, mine never had a problem keeping a sticker stuck to them), there's a problem with the system. Rather than being unkind to 4 yr olds or telling them that what you just told them was a Very Important Sticker actually isn't important at all, fix the system. Give them the sticker at home time. Or give them a little paper certificate that can go in their book bag.

(Oh and if you are complaining about costs and staff time, stop laminating every damn certificate that comes home, it's horrible plastic waste. Maybe that one's just our school!)

Or parents can just say well done, amazing that you got the award, can see you're upset about losing the sticker and whilst I understand, it doesn't change how proud we are, these things happen etc it's earning it that's the important bit. Often children are upset because they want to show it off to their parents as they know they've done a good job rather than because of wanting to show them the sticker just because it looks nice.

Whatever you do don't say this! These reward systems are usually a turn taking thing in reality. This child has had their turn and is unlikely to get another one, possibly for the rest of the year depending on how many are handed out. You don't want to make them think they're not doing good work!

Honestly, and I'm afraid I will be very dramatic here but I would change school on that basis only. If they can't afford to replace a sticker, they are extremely, severely underfunded. And if they don't want to, well I wouldn't want my daughter there because I don't want to have to cope with this shitty behaviour for the rest of her primary school years. The tone of this email is extremely unpleasant.

In an average school of, say 350 pupils. If EVERY pupil got two stickers a year it would cost the school less than £3. It’s not a money thing, it’s a can’t be arsed thing, which is sad attitude towards a 4yr old.

Sure, if every pupil starts asking for another sticker then they can think of other ways to reward perhaps. But this is incredibly unlikely isn’t it…..

Some schools (especially the offices) are desperate to be awkward it seems.

Bit of a difference and a bit of a shit analogy really, isn't it?

Your child throws her toy into a river - not really possible to retrieve it.

Child has her sticker taken by another child - perfectly possible, and would take 2 seconds, to peel a new one off the roll. OP could have even paid for the daft sticker.

Some lessons don't need to be taught to people who've been alive on the planet a mere four years simply because of 'principle'. What's the lesson here - other kids pinch your sticker, and that's that? Great. Great lesson to teach at 4. Entirely different with a toy that's been thrown in a river - don't be so bloody silly.

I think a few users on here whom have been on this earth far, far longer, could do with a lesson in kindness, as it was clearly not something they were taught at 4.

Well that's entirely pointless then. Waste of everyone's time.

I’m sure our school would replace the sticker, but I would never in a million years email busy people to ask.

My youngest isn’t much older and gets upset about similar things multiple times a week. A sticker that got lost, a drawing that got water damage, a “special stone” she found in the playground that she’s now misplaced. Honestly, it is endless. It’s children. I don’t expect the school to address these non-issues. As the parent I empathise with my child and then re-direct since these things really don’t matter in the grand scheme of things.

I understand this sticker is probably the equivalent of “star of the week” so means something to the child.
My response would be: “Oh wow I’m so proud of you! Why don’t we go for a hot chocolate on the way home to celebrate?” Or if it’s really about the sticker, I’d buy some special stickers from Amazon as her “prize”.

Bit pathetic of them. I would take DD out for a treat or let her choose a new sticker from Poundland after school

This simply would not happen at my school.

Is there not more to it?
If not, that's ridiculous!

To the 29% who think this is reasonable behaviour, you are the problem

😂😂😂

Absolutely this.

They don't tell the children it's a turn taking thing. It makes that child feel special for the day. Otherwise the same child would win star of the week every week, considering behaviour and attitudes are usually fairly consistent amongst children. It also forces the teachers to try and find something positive about every child, even the ones who tend to get mostly negative attention.

The school behaved like idiots.

Yabu. Same policy at my dd school. If they didn't they be a lot of replacement stickers reissued and the head teacher doesn't have the time for that. You find the children are very careful of their stickers now.

Exactly, absolutely no big deal.
I cannot believe this thread is now 10 pages long and people actually believe the school are in the wrong

👏💯

Editing to add, I can't believe parents actually buy replacement well done stickers from Amazon. Don't do this, you will raise an entitled child with no resilience to deal with life's ups and downs. It's all so consumer driven now, go and get the amazon guy to deliver the feel good replacement well done stickers to your door. Unbelievable.

Good grief. Over reaction! What makes you think another school will be better funded?
All state schools are struggling for money ... and staff (hmm I wonder why 🤔)

Absolutely this. Honestly some of these replies are shocking and it’s little wonder kids these days are growing up with various mental health issues.

You should be modelling things like:

”wow you earned a sticker, that’s fantastic, I’m so proud of you! What a shame you lost it, never mind but remember to take extra care next time”

”I understand you feel sad you lost your sticker, it’s sad when we lose things that are precious to us so we need to always remember to be extra careful with them, never mind I’m sure you’ll be able to earn another if you carry on working hard”

You need to be teaching your child that sometimes disappointing things happen but it’s ok, we acknowledge our feelings and move forward.

It's not the school that are behaving like idiots!

You being ridiculously dramatic! Chances are it was the class teacher who bought the sticker in the first place.

I cannot believe the crap I am reading here!! When I was 4, I'd more than likely have got a telling off for losing it lol, and I'd have learned not to do it again!

OP isn't coming back is she?

You do realise it's not just about the sticker right @mayorofcasterbridge ? For me it would be symptomatic of a school that completely lacks flexibility and a headmistress who seems very stern/lacks compassion. I actually don't care about many things and agree children need to be resilient but the answer both in the form and content btw wouldn't do it for me. Take it this way; if this is the answer to a lost sticker, can't imagine what any type of request will be met with.