AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

You could send her pictures of the other outfits (groom and bridesmaids), decorations and colour palette, to show her how off a black outfit would be, and not at all in keeping?

If it makes you feel any better I had 3 people wear full length white gowns to my wedding. It was a standard wedding, I hadn’t issued a dress code or asked people
to wear specific colours. I didn’t really care that much - I was more bemused as it did confuse the staff - they weren’t sure what person in white to go up to. Bizarre.

Why so captious?. Weddings have been themed and had colour palettes for a long time. Class markers, style markers, are always used even if the participants pretend to ignorance (formal/informal, ethnic, traditional, hippy, outdoor, etc…)So showing up in inappropriate clothing has always been frowned on even if, formerly, the reason was class or style. Today this includes colour/overall aesthetic issues (summery, light, appropriate, etc…). Poor OP doesn’t need condescension on top of the mammoth stress and expense of this big event.

just let her wear what she wants and if she ends up looking ridiculous with people side eyeballing her, then that’s her problem.

Remember that a wedding is about the commitment between 2 people, not about the photos. Don’t let a dress get in the way of a good relationship.

if you are desperate and the photos are that important to you, when the photos come in you can get somebody to photoshop the dress to a different colour and trim the tail!

Is she going to be cracking out her flemenco moves 💃🏿?
I think it's actually a horrible dress objectively

Honestly? I can see why you’d be a bit taken aback BUT can you be kind and gracious about her choice? Tell her she looks lovely and have a really nice day. The ceremony is about the bride and groom but the reception is about the guests. Don’t be that bride who makes a fuss about someone else’s outfit.

Have you explained to her it'll look like she's going to a funeral and potentially people will see this in very poor light? Or maybe her son could tell her?

Yes - as PP have said, it definitely has a Morticia Addams vibe. I'm all for people wearing what they want, but I thought it wasn't the done thing to wear a black dress at a wedding, but maybe things are different in Spain. However, I am old so probably out of date (and am still a little bit sore about my own DM wearing a pale champagne colour to my wedding, made the photos look a bit washed out.)

She’s going to look like a dick.

Black is what old women wear in Mediterranean countries. Tell her that

That is WILD that she thinks that's ok for a wedding.

Just tell her people will think she's copying Morticia so you want to save her from the nasty comments. You only had her best interests in mind......you didn't want people to think she was going as the bride of Frankenstein.

Morticia

Now I’ve seen the dress bloody hell!

get your Dp to have a word… Ask her what wedding has she been to where any other person than the bride had a dress with a train. It’s a wedding not a black tie event . Also black at a wedding is usually (and definitely in this case) faux pas - He wants her to look fabulous and that dress isn’t it . Maybe say he (you in the background probably) will help. Basically kill her with kindness

I heartily second this! She might get away with a short black cocktail dress, sleeveless or short sleeved at most, but otherwise it will be very uncomfortable in southern Spain at the height of summer .
And as another poster said, many Spanish guests will assume she is a widow.

I think the people who are all ‘oh I wouldn’t dream of dictating what people wear to my wedding, it’s all about love!! 🥺’ people are being bloody silly. If she wears that dress, it’s going to be the first thing your eye is drawn to in any pictures. It’s your wedding, you deserve to have nice pictures of it where you and your husband are the main focus, not some twit in a black dress! I’d put my foot down and tell her to stop being ridiculous and buy an appropriate dress.

I've just googled "Mother of the Groom" dress and am really taken aback by the number of floor length white gowns being sold as "MOB/MOG dresses"

Are you joking or are you the MIL? OF COURSE it looks like a black bridal dress. I actually gasped when I saw a picture of it, not just because of the colour but the fact it is essentially a wedding dress.

Gosh - it looks more suitable for Halloween than a sunny wedding! She’ll look like she’s in fancy dress!

Absolutely. I´m from Southern Spain and she will boil from the inside out in August. Also, if the wedding is near the coast, she will sweat like a pig. Not a good look.
I´ve worn black to a wedding, but then I did pair it with gold, pink and turqoise accessories. And no, I didn´t wear a train. Is it one of these dresses that imitates a flamenco dress, hence the train?

I am curious as to your use of ‘you deserve….’. If it rains on that day, or it’s cloudy, are you going to tell the clouds off??!

jeez, people take their weddings seriously don’t they?!

Lol, that's a bit attention-seeking!

Yeah people do tend to take once in a lifetime occasions they’ve spent thousands of pounds on pretty seriously.

Give over, you are embarrassing yourself.

Show it to your photographer. If they're any good they should be able to mitigate the effect with choice of groupings, poses etc. Also get the shortest bridesmaid/child to stand in front of her in every shot.

Won't she need a shawl?

Just have your DH tell her it’s not appropriate and not what you want in the photos. Good luck!

Get your DP and his Dad to speak to her. I think she’s being right cow trying to, not upstage, but match your dress. You’re the bride, she’s not supposed to wear a dress like yours. After you’ve made such an effort to include her she pulls this shit. It’s not a nice thing to do.