AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

She either secretly hates OP or is nursing Scarlet O'Hara fantasies.
I cannot get over anyone who thinks this will be anything but a spectacle.

This is good advice. You can’t dictate what people wear. Sorry YABU

It’s certainly a statement dress for a guest to wear at a wedding. I don’t think it’s appropriate, in fact I’m finding it hard to even place the occasion for that dress. It’s lovely, but maybe for prom or a black tie event perhaps? Definitely not for your wedding.

It comes across like she’s using your wedding for something. As a chance to look good, attract someone(?), seek compliments, use the photos for her tinder profile or something? As if it’s “her moment”. There’s no need for her to match her dress to yours.

😳

You say she 'is going to see when she gets it', she may change her mind I guess. Perhaps you could suggest she change into it for evening session and wear something more colourful for the day time part?

Just suggest to her that black won't come out well in photos if the photographer is working on getting pastel shades to look good. 😉

Batshit, it's literally a wedding dress: www.moonlightbridal.com/all-wedding-dresses/sweetheart-neckline/

Gorgeous dress but bloody hell, totally inappropriate for a wedding. I thought you were being a bridezilla until I’ve seen the picture.

I think Sophia Lauren did similar and had the absolute piss taken out of her

Really? MiL not in photos because bride doesn't like her dress? Come on! What nonsense!

I mean perhaps she is planning to turn into a cloud of ravens during the confetti stage and only can channel her powers in that dress?

Yup. I can't understand why so many posters are ignoring this fact.

This.

In my world you never wear black or white to a wedding - and you certainly don't wear a bloody train!

I would have to give her my honest feedback

Im not really sure its in keeping with the occasion .- its a bit Morticia Adams meets Miss Havisham. Was 'devouring mother in goth wedding dress' really what you were going for?

And then we would probably never speak again

Agree about the train esp. Why doesn't she just wear a veil too and be done with it?

OP, your fiancé needs to ask his mother why she has bought a wedding dress.

Is she going for the old lady in a hot country black lace vibe?

To me that’s a wedding dress ! As in a BRIDAL dress! It’s a gorgeous dress but not for a 65 yr old MOG no matter how tall, slim & elegant she is! If I was the bride I would be most annoyed! But if she does wear it she will look like a bitter weirdo to the rest of the guests !

Can you find something more suitable and send some suggestions?

The dress really isn't a wedding guest dress never mind mother of the groom.

Maybe she's trying too hard and just needs some gentle ideas to put her on the right track?

She asked your opinion. Your opinion should have been along the lines: 'that's lovely...bear in mind it's Spain/somewhere hot/in August, though'.

Why @Grammarnut ?
The MiL2B has deliberately chosen a dress that is a copy of the bride's dress. Not by accident. She went with the bride to choose her dress. She knows what the bride is wearing.
Nobody sane would do that.
I mean, I am on the side of not wearing black to a wedding, but the crucial point is here it is a copy of the bride's dress.

There is no way in the world that the OP should have said it was nice.

Just to reiterate, I am not a fan of brides dictating what colours people can wear to their wedding, generally, but it is just commonly known good manners that (in the UK at least) black is the colour of mourning so people avoid wearing it to weddings.

She asked for your opinion and you gave it. You can't prevent her from wearing it if she still wants to.

The train and the wearing of black to a summer mediterranean wedding does sound horrible, but she'll be the one looking odd, inappropriate and too hot. The "colour palette" shit for your wedding - expecting guests to fall in with your citrus vision is unreasonable - colour choice is very personal.

That’s a lovely dress, but wholly inappropriate for her son’s wedding.

Just inappropriate for Spain in August to be honest...she'll be sweating her tatas off 😂

Omg it is actually a wedding dress!!

OP - ignore everyone defending MIL, this is actually crazy. I didn't have a dress code except for autumnal colours for bridesmaids which DM and MIL independently also decided to stick to. I didn't care what anyone else wore and black would have been fine. But I bloody would have said something if anyone had copied my dress style down to the train, let alone one of the main people in the wedding!!!

Making it black is just ridiculous- you'll look like yin and yang in the photos😆

I'm very much divided on this.

On one hand it's absolute Bridezilla behaviour to be getting uptight about guests matching with the colours of their clothes. A wedding photo is beautiful because there are lots of family and friends in one place, all dressed up, and celebrating a special occasion. A photo isn't ruined because one person wears a different colour and it's absolutely bonkers to think that you won't be able to look at a photo without getting the rage because they weren't wearing pastel! I don't think it's reasonable in the slightest to insist that all guests match your colour theme.

But on the flip side, that dress is fucking atrocious for a wedding. It's not suitable in the slightest - and not because of the colour. Although, I do have to say that the colour is awful for a wedding - it makes it look as if the MIL doesn't approve and she's making a silent protest! But the style.....it's an actual bridal gown....

Imo, although black is a very unusual colour to choose for a wedding, I don't think that would necessarily be the end of the world. What IS unacceptable is that she's wearing a matching bridal gown, just in black.

That's the conversation I would be having - "MIL, you've got a stunning figure and would look beautiful in that dress but it's a bridal gown in black - a bridal gown that is practically the same as my bridal gown, just a different colour. It's not really fair that you turn up to my wedding wearing a bridal gown. I know you were trying to be helpful co-ordinating with my dress but this is making me feel that it's going to look as if there are two brides. Could you pick something else that's less bridal please?"

You say you're very close to you so you could also raise objections about the colour, and tell her that as black is a mourning colour traditionally, people will think she's making a subtle protest about the wedding......

Haha, OK, this is unbelievable.