AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

True but my point still stands.

I gasped when I saw the photo
I think it's so inappropriate!
Black dress maybe.. but not that attention seeking one, and she's being ridiculous to think a train is a good idea
Hopefully it will be too hot for her to wear it on the day.. even a sundress would look better in the photos
Maybe she'll chat with friends and they will tell her but DF needs to have a quiet word I think

If I turned up as a guest at a wedding where the MIL is, I’d think she was an insecure dick who wanted to steal the thunder from the bride. What does DH say?

Bizarre. Is she planning to be Odile to your Odette?

It’s a beautiful dress but it is essentially a bridal gown.
She will look like a (very glamorous) gangster’s widow.. 🥴

I see A LOT of weddings in Spain and I have NEVER seen the MOB or MOG in black, let alone a bridal gown …. She will stand out like a sore thumb 😬

I think you need to be honest when it has all cooled down. That is not an appropriate MOTG dress, it is clinging and cleavagy and puts her at the centre of the day. I would ask your groom to intervene here and tell her that she needs to wear something less knock-out evening wear, and more demure day-wear!

I'd say patronisingly, "well as long as you like it, you must wear what you're comfortable in". Then I'd stage whisper to nobody "we can always airbrush her out of the photos".

Is she Spanish? I ask because I'm also marrying a Spanish man, and have learned that in Spain Mother Of The Groom is a massive "thing", and the dresses marketed for MOGs often have trains. My MIL has also been sharing examples with me that have small trains.

Wheres the photo? Have I missed it.

I really like the dress, it does have flamenco vibes. Why would she need to cover up? It is Spain in August. I do agree that black is controversial for a wedding though.
For posters suggesting DH speaks to his Mother and I've planned it for a year all on my own This gives the impression the groom has done nothing towards the event. This doesn't sound ideal.

And the dress might just be a harbinger of what is to come - a Spanish-themed mother and son dance complete with swirling red cape and clacking castanets.

Brace yourself, OP!

Having seen the dress after I posted I think it looks very bridal even though it is black and I think it looks extremely attention seeking.

I think it might backfire for her if she wears it.

Can you send her suitable alternatives or a photo of what your mum is wearing?

It is lovely but that is some train! The fact that it is a similar shape to your wedding dress IS going to make her look like she is competing

That dress is ridiculous for any wedding. But all that will happen is she'll wear it and people will be laughing at her. Nothing you can do.

Oh for goodnes sake she is going to make some tit of herself dressed in that.

Like some evil step mother hovering.

Sorry OP but it made me laugh.
She must be a bit dense to think that would fly.

Say nothing more. Let her wear it - you gave your feedback. Her dress doesn't sound like it suits the venue or season. Her choice.

Make sure you take some photos that are what you want - and accept that there will be some photos featuring MIL that don't work so well.

I think she is being passive aggressive and your only option is to tell her how much you love it as she is clearly trying to wind you up.

If it’s the black moonlight bridal one then yes, that train is nuts.

OMG it’s literally described as a wedding dress. And that picture of the train from the back. Just no no no.

@MumofHennHals is she not British? I think in Southern Europe people do wear black to weddings. That dress is totally not on, though. I know you said you have a great relationship, but I wondered if she was, consciously or unconsciously, trying to compete with you?

OP if she insists on wearing it brief a few of your friends to very pointedly look at her and snigger. I'm sure they won't need any encouraging.

It's an awful dress. She will look ridiculous.

Oh, @MumofHennHals this is so bad it’s funny 🙈

I recently went to a wedding where the MIL was deliberately over-dressed to try and outshine the bride...she looked expensive, and over-done...and ridiculous. All the other guests could see what she was trying to do, and it did not go down well with any of them; she was noticeable for all the wrong reasons.

As the bride you will be naturally beautiful, shining with happiness and the centre of attention - if your MIL tries to compete with that she will end up looking shallow and pathetic. Either get your DP to say something, or even better just ignore it, certainly don't spend any energy stressing about it.