AIBU - Mother in Law's dress at my wedding.

[MumofHennHals]

My mother in law ( mother of the groom ) has sent me a picture of the dress she ordered today, asking for 'honest opinion on if it's appropriate'

However when I gave honest opinion, she didn't like it and is rejecting anything I say.

We are getting married in August, in Spain... the very is a very citrus sevillian orange feel...

I've decorated it with bright orange flowers, grape fruits, my bridesmaids are a creamy yellow, my husband to be will be in beige as will his groomsmen, my father and his father.

His mum has decided to wear a black dress, similar shape to mine WITH A TRAIN!!!!!!!

Am I wrong in saying 'can we keep it a little more summery, light and shaped less BRIDAL?'

I don't mind what other guests wear but she will be in a lot of the family group official photos, I've put a lot of thought in my wedding colour palette to want the photos to be vibrant.

I know MN hates wedding talk and I'll probably be slagged off - but hey ho, ultimately AIBU? I'm so chilled in every other wedding aspect.

He sounds an absolute wanker. Just take the photos that is all that is required.

She's really going to stand out in that dress, particularly if she's surrounded by a sea of bright colours. Normally I would be very laid back about guests' choice of clothing (my first MIL wore black with gold hearts on) but this seems a little deliberate.

But- could your photographer do something technical with colouring and change the colour for the photos? It won't do anything for photos taken by guests of course, but it might be possible for the photos you have to display at home.

Oof that dress is really saying something! It is so not appropriate for the MOG.

Black is unsuitable at a wedding.

A train on anyone but the bride is unsuitable at a wedding.

Does she want attendants in black to carry the train as she walks down the aisle? You could have some options here….say look this is a bridal dress. One person wears a bridal dress at a wedding, and that is the bride. Just no.

Or let her do it…she’ll look like a right idiot. People will laugh at her all night. Throw her a special bouquet of flowers—queen of the night tulips maybe?

Or send her a link to a witch’s hat and a broomstick and say how about this to go with your dress (the latter admittedly is the nuclear option?)

It's actually in a sale for $39

Black Lace Mermaid Wedding Dress With Sweetheart Neckline

I wouldn't worry OP for that kind of money it's going to be cheap and nasty. She will look ridiculous if she wears that.

Are you sure she's not winding you up? It most definitely is a wedding dress.

I agree with that to the extent that if that's what she wants, let her get on with it but it's a terrible dress.

I wouldn't think she was in mourning for her son/ trying to upstage the bride/ disapproves of the bride but I would think it's an awful dress. I'd think the same about The Club London alternative suggestion.

This intrigued me so I googled Spanish mother in law wedding outfits - and this list of MoG outfits came up as one of the first posts. Was shocked to see the first outfit was a black wedding style dress - with plenty more navy and black outfits included, including lots of long dresses.

So sadly, whilst I completely agree that to you and me, that dress looks like a real slap in the face to the bride, I can also see why she could think that it's a classic mother in law dress that she has been dreaming of...

I wonder if there's any way you could find some sort of similar collection of typical British mother in law dresses, and see if you can appeal to her better nature and explain how you understand why she likes it but that to all your side of the guests, it's going to look really bad, like she doesn't like you and wants you to have a horrible wedding and marriage. And that neither culture is right, they are just different but in the interests of wedding bliss, maybe she could find a dress that doesn't make you (and the rest of your family and friends) burst into tears and think that she hates you...

There are some lovely outfits in the Pinterest collection of Spanish MoG outfits - so if you could pull together a list of nice British ones and go through both lists with her, maybe she would be happy to change her outfit a bit to avoid causing an 'international incident'! Could be a good time to talk to her about other traditions at Spanish weddings and British weddings, to see what other similarities and differences there are, and which you and your dp want to include and avoid, so that there isn't lots more misunderstanding going forwards.

Also - are you able to rope your dp into talking to his mother to get him to persuade her too

You’ll need to get your fiancé involved here.. ‘mum, people are going to laugh at you.. that’s a black wedding dress! You’re supposed to be the joyful mother of the groom, not somebody mourning that their own wedding day is long gone’

Without the train it would be beautiful if it’s a black tie do. Otherwise, it’s too out there for a wedding.

I’m not really keen on the co-ordinating bridal party aesthetic but I wouldn’t want to see so much of my MIL’s boobs in my wedding photos.

I keep picturing her also with a net veil and a fan...Sounds like she's going for some kind of Dowager Queen look.

Quite apart from the colour and train, it looks a bit try hard to me, and even if she is not trying to upstage you, it will look like she is. 😒 I'd ask your partner to have a word.

It's the dress you wear to your own divorce party or as the bride at a goth wedding. Other than that. Not.

Having said that, sometimes it's best to just let people be pricks. The more people that see them being a prick means it's not just you that finds them out to be a prick. This philosophy has stood me in good stead over the years.

Op if your MIL is genuinely serious about this dress I'd be getting this thread deleted because it's surely going to be picked up by the DM.
If she sees it on the DM you will have a real MIL problem.

@MumofHennHals haha oh my god that dress is completely inappropriate!! It's literally a black wedding dress!!
I would tell her to ask other people's opinions of it and see what they say.
I think it would be a unanimous "absolutely not" from most people having seen that actual image, then maybe you won't get as much of the brunt of it being just your opinion.

That being said, it would be a great talking point if she wore it and you'd all laugh about it in years to come! I wouldn't let it bother you on the day if she decides to go for it. She probably just wants to look amazing and had a different idea than you of what that was. Just have plenty of photos without her as well as the family ones you've got planned, so you have lots of options of which ones you keep to display!

Rather than tell her what is wrong with the black dress maybe tell her how flattered you are that she wants to echo your look and suggest some alternative dresses, you get on well so offer to look together?

The pictures on your link are nothing like this awful dress. Tbh, they're some of the better mog pictures I've seen on MN

A relative's MIL turned up to the wedding wearing a full length very pale pink ballgown with a hint of a train. She looked like Miss Havisham. (She'd have been about the same age as me - in her 60s.)

Turned out that her daughter - the bride - had picked it out with her. To this day, I can't imagine what they were thinking of. Their choice, though.

I think it is quite common to wear black to formal weddings in some countries, especially if they are in the evening and with a black tie dress code. I think it would have been perfectly fine to point out kindly that everyone else will be wearing bright/light colours so she might feel a bit out of place. But not great to make it about your colour palette and her being too bridal (black is definitely not bridal!). So without hearing exactly what you said and how you said it, it is hard to know where the balance of behaviour lies here.

Hope you can both get past it. It is only a dress!!

I would assume a MIL didn't like their DIL if they wore that dress to the wedding!

I also hope she's just winding you up!

The dresses in that all have quite conservative necklines and sleeves and are very clearly MOB / MOG outfits- not comparable at all!

Could she have it altered to remove the train, and pop and orange belt onto it, to ties it in with the other colours?

Black is for funerals, not weddings. She will look like she's in mourning for her son or something.

I'd be tempted to let her crack on so I could laugh about it though. But that's just me.

A PP posted a link to Spanish mog as being similar to this dress, but they're not. They're black/ dark but surprisingly stylish for mob/mog.

My now MIL wore black to mine and DH's wedding. People did notice and comment to me, after the day. Nothing like the dress your soon to be MIL is planning though. Christ. All a bit showy off.