To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

Unfortunately with the police it can be a lottery as to what kind of response you get. There is still a lot of backwards thinking and ignorance around these types of crimes.

The police woman's response is really frustrating.

Hope you're OK OP.

I can’t get my head around how sending dick pics benefits men or excites them in any way? What is the turn on with that? It’s clearly some kind of sexual perversion, but I don’t get how it thrills them. Is it meant to turn the recipient on or lead to something? Surely men have eyes and can see that their dicks are incredibly ugly? I can’t imagine it’s ever well received, even by a partner. Maybe I’m just a prude, but women aren’t out there seeking and collecting dick pics for a reason.

I am so desperately sorry to hear about this. Have they even asked about what the godchild they claim to care about so much makes of all this noise, screamed foul language and hysterics from them? Do they think it gives the innocent little child a good impression of their loving gentle nurturing nature? (Sarcasm)
I think you should look into a restraining order regarding the child as well as you and your husband as soon as things calm down enough from the initial chaos.
I wish you some peace soon xxx

Do not send the pic but tell them what he did.
Once they say you’re a liar then show them the proof y showing the picture on the phone, in person.
they would accuse you of sending illegal pictures so don’t send

I wouldn’t respond. Why would you stoop to their level?

You need to read the updates

No. Protect yourself.

I think it seems likely the uncle has manipulated aunt in case the pic incident is raised. Unpredictable drunks should be treated as unpredictable and remember to keep your family safe. That includes not letting them in your house and being aware of your surroundings. Personally I would just block block and block and not engage further.

💯 you should tell them he is avoid predator and the alcohol and vile language is zero place for a child. Horrid people !! But yes send them all then block this family.

It’s a power move.

It's like flashing.

It's about intimidating and showing your power

No, it's about "I bet you've never seen one like this before."

@JawsCushion

Thank you so much for sharing that. It can't have been easy for you and you are so right, it's his shame to carry not yours. I am so, so sorry you had to go through all of that, and I hope you're able to be at peace with it as much as you can now.

I hope one day to have enough courage to report my CSA abuser. But reading this has given me hope.

I can't believe how many of us out there have been abused as a child. And how many of these men are roaming the streets.

People need t be exposed for this type of behaviour - both he uncle for his perversion and the aunt for her bullying and rude behaviour. They’re counting on no one bringing their behaviour to light. It is how they repeatedly get away with it

what is the worst thing gay could happen exposing both their behaviours to the family? They could decide not to talk to you and/or bad mouth you.

which is what you want (not talk to them) and what they already do (bad mouth you)

so just send the screen shots

Get your husband to send it to the Aunt. I don't see why you should do it as it's hubby's family. Also go to the police. Then just forget the lot of them.

The screenshots have already been sent - please see updates. Thank you

I think that must be right. Such a bizarre way of thinking of being in the world!

When would you chase this? The officer was going to call the inspector and the 'suspects' last night. Would you chase tomorrow if you haven't heard back yet?

All good reasons to tell and block.

Thankfully he's now dead but he was in education and worked for/with a member of the royal family. But you know, it was only me and he did so much for disadvantaged kids...

@JawsCushion just from what you've bravely written on here, I can appreciate how difficult it must've been to take the steps to report it all. It's such a fear of mine, not to be believed. That must've been so difficult for you. Glad the horrible man is dead and can't cause anymore pain, he's caused enough.

I am really thankful that you've shared that with me, I really appreciate it.

I was always believed thank goodness, after the initial questioning by my social worker, but also not since the police were crap back then. In 2014 they were better. The Judge threw the book at him and was furious.

I wouldn't send it.
I'd take it to the police.

Under the Malicious Communications Act it can be an offence to send a message which is 'grossly offensive, or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character'. There is an argument to say that unsolicited sexual images could be seen as being 'obscene' and therefore charges could be pursued under this legislation

Apologies it won't let me edit, I see you've already contacted the police x

send the messages and tell them you don't want to be near an old perv and who else was his dick pick meant for if not you or does he do this often

and does he send them to kids/young girls, you want to keep your DS away from that man