To tell family member that her husband is sending me nudes?

[5FeetToBeExact]

Hi all,

I'll preface this by saying DH's family are very toxic. This couple for this thread are his god parents and also his uncle (blood) and aunt (through marriage.)

They've always overstepped, been overly involved and just a pain in the arse. But I always kept it polite, kept up with the once a year visit and that was that. They are all heavy drinkers and a few of the family are alcoholics, so it's not something we really enjoy being around but I leave that to DH mostly.

A few years back I completely pulled back as I felt uncomfortable. DH's uncle sent me a picture of his shrivelled 60 year old dick. Waist down. He then quickly said 'sorry that wasn't for you.' I messaged him back saying please don't ever send me anything like that again. He proceeded to delete the image, and said 'no, I'll leave the rest to your imagination ;)'. I then said 'be glad I didn't see it.' I did, I just didn't want him to know that. He then offered to send it again so I could get another look. I then blocked him and haven't heard from either of them since.

I told my DH who was furious. We kept it to ourselves as the family are big drinkers and can do no wrong.

I received a call last night, with a furious aunt on the phone. Saying how selfish we are not to facilitate a relationship with them and our 4 year old DD. That I am selfish, I manipulate everybody and that I have taken their precious god son and nephew away. I was aghast at some of the things they said, but I ended the call and told them not to contact me again. DH has gone apeshit and has my back completely.
His stance is to send her the screenshots or the messages, with a short 'this is why we aren't comfortable around all of you, as well as the alcohol' and block. I am tempted to do this, as the names I were called last night and the things said were unforgivable. I would also want to know if I was her that her husband was sending dick pics to people 40 years his junior!

AIBU to send the messages and be done? Or is this asking for trouble? At advice please. Thank you!

Please read the OP's updates.

It’s against the law to send unsolicited dick pics. I’d have reported him to the Police. I’m not sure if it’s also a crime to distribute indecent images in the way you describe? So for that reason no I wouldn’t send it but I would tell her.
They sound awful. Yanbu for cutting them off.

Have you had any updates from the police OP? Well done for sticking this through, you're doing the right thing. You never know how many people this sicko is messaging like that, he needs consequences so I hope you see it right to the end!

We had a similar issue; daughter( age 19) was sent WhatsApp messages from step grandad( he’s been around since she was a baby). He sent her suggestions about seeing his snake like Willy and comments about putting condoms on it .
I rang mother in law ( Nan) and we have had no contact for 2 plus years. Daughter has learning disability and autism. They can both rot in hell; he was arrested but no further action as CPS said not enough for court.
dirty f&&cker. I hope he dies .
madness that you need to protect yourself from family !!!

No updates, I will call this PM though if I've not heard!

That's absolutely rotten, I am so so sorry. Who do these fucking 'men' think they are!? Sending pictures of their generals to family members!! Good on you both for reporting it but of course it couldn't go to court. Fucking typical. And that's why issues like these will continue and men will keep on doing it.

Makes my blood boil!

@Yummarshmellows what the hell is your MIL thinking of!

Ouch,,,,I just responded to the original post, in fact a lot of people have responded without looking at the updates, why call me out on it

Also a police officer and without wanting to be pedantic or sound like I'm defending the officer that came out, but unfortunately the sending of unsolicited sexual images only became an offence in January this year and therefore he couldn't be prosecuted for this offence as the law doesn't work retrospectively. This might be why the officer said he couldn't be dealt with for it; he could potentially be charged under the Malicious Communications Act for the initial message and harassment for the behaviour since.

I’d send the screenshots to everyone.
family group chat
everyone individually
tag him in the pic on Facebook
Every single person he knows would know what he’d done by the time I’d finished.

Just tell them and speak your mind. You don't need to send pics. Let them know to leave you alone or you'll report him for sexual harassment.
How disgusting that you've had to go through this. You deserve respect.

I never believe people saying they accidentally sent an indecent picture, everyone would double or even triple check. He is clearly a creep. It's great that your husband is supportive and rightly so. I think I agree with another poster suggesting he explains what has happened. Whether he sends the evidence or not that's up to him. He is an adult so if he wants contact on his own then so be it. But you and your child do not need that in your lives. Them feeling entitled to have contact is ridiculous they have zero rights to see your child.

I agree with gamerchick get your DH to send them,it will carry more weight they obviously have an issue with you and they will blame everything on you saying you encouraged him.I know this fro. Years of experience,but he shouldn't get away with it as how many other poor unfortunate women has he done this to.Years ago I was being harrased by an elderly policeman didn't know what to do as I didn't have any family close by and who would believe me ended up making myself ill my mother came to look after me I ended up telling her.He came to my door with flowers and chocolates my mother went to the door I don't know what she said but I never saw him again.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

If you're worried about the comeback to you, let DH send them, he can say these were sent to my wife, this Is the reason I do not want to be around you and I certainly don't want my wife and child around you. If it comes from him they are more likely to take it seriously!

The whole thing is vile. I'd never want to see or speak to him again and his wife sounds just as awful. I'd send it all, let the shit hit the fan and let them deal with it. I'd be sending it to all the family, you can't be the first one and if he's around kids aswell... well he shouldn't be!

I’d send them to her.

make sure you also send the conversation you had with him.

then block.

She already did days ago.

If these people are genuinely dangerous then it would probably be best to change your phone numbers and move away without leaving a forwarding address. Waste of time trying to engage with them. I’m sure your DH doesn't want to stay in contact with people who threaten to smash your face in if you don’t hand over your 4 year old daughter.

Just read that you live by your family so I guess maybe you wouldn’t want to move then. But really I would have just blocked them and reported them for harassment. People like that if you square up to them they just start swinging.

I have blocked and reported to police for harassment.

Why on earth don't people read the full thread or at least the OP's posts? I would support a temporary MN ban for posters who reply without doing so.

Didn't somebody address this further up the thread, or have you not read it all?

Send them

Absolutely. Whack them in the family group chat. Save yourself the tedium of having to re-explain yourselves to the whole sorry lot of them.

Please do report. I didn't report mine (my father) and just cut him out of my life for the next 32 years. Since he died in February, I've been hounded and triggered by every Tom Dick and Harry involved with him, at the end of his life (he was sectioned and his "filthy and verminous house", which is hoarded floor to ceiling, has stood empty about 2 years). If I had done something while he was alive, I might not have unanswered questions now and would hope I would have had some kind of victim protection. As things stand, I now have to decide whether, as his only child (thank god), I risk applying to be an executor (social services and council won't tell me of any liabilities, although they were handling his affairs for the final year) or if I just let the house and the £10k he'd squirreled away got to hell in a handcart. For context, I'm also a full time student teacher, raising a disabled 6 year old with complex needs alone, without family support because both parents were horrific and I'm recovering from 19 years of domestic and financial abuse.