Shite 50th

[Cowardlybitch]

For contact, we're lucky to be in a decent position financially. Not loaded but mortgage paid, decent income, we can enjoy not to worry about what we put in shopping basket. Usually a week abroad and a couple of breaks a year. What do I get for my 50th birthday off my husband? Bearing in mind we have been together for 20 years. 2 pairs of merino wool socks that are too big and in hideous colours. Same brand and colours as purchased at Christmas that I asked him not to buy again. In fact, I said no more socks unless they're Bridgedale ones. But apparently they'll shrink to fit. And two small boxes of chocolates from a shop I walk past 3 times a week to go to work and buy myself when I want them. And yes, the socks do in fact shrink - to a size that don't actually fit - as per the Christmas ones.

From friends I have a crap, self-published vegan book from some random off Facebook (full of beige coloured meals) and a collection of kitchen crap from Morrisons homeware section.

When asked what I want, I said to donate to my favourite charity. But no, apparently, I don't want that. I want a collection of wasteful rubbish to take to the charity shop. I don't think the thought counts when there has been no effort whatsoever. I make a real effort with these people and would never buy them something they had expressly asked me not to. Or rubbish from the supermarket. I live in a tiny house - what the fuck would I want with tacky ceramic crap that serves no useful purpose whatsoever? I'm a keen cook - if wanted a spoon rest, I'd already have one. Why the fuck would anyone want a spoon rest - just wipe your worktop? Why give me an "original" recipe book which contains a recipe for soffritto and meals so visually unappealing they look like cow-pats? The purchaser had clearly not bothered to look at it. Why feckin ask me what I want and then tell me I don't want it? Why the fuck do I bother? The two things that make me most cross in the world is money being wasted and talking to myself. I can't believe I'm still surprised at 50 to be reminded, yet again, how fuckin thoughtless people are and I may as well talk to the neighbour's cat as clearly people don't listen to me.

Now I'm stuck with repeat protestations of "I forgot" and "I don't know what to get you" and the poor, "sad me" face because the cruel, mean woman has finally erupted. I'm so incredibly angry. More angry with myself for thinking this would be any different to any of the other lousy, thoughtless birthdays.

Brava @Cowardlybitch! your summary to your friends was spot on and I would hope make them think, reflect and apologise. But if they don’t return, you’ve had the last and most satisfying word.

Thank you @FlatShoesOnly but I think I don't think they have been my friends for some time. I was just their unpaid help for 20 years that complied with their present orders. But better that I realised eventually eh? Maybe turning 50 isn't all that bad afterall. Maybe common sense has made a very late appearance and I'll be a late bloomer. I've never seen any of them flustered before though (I've always so admired their poise and confidence in every situation). Coming back for that bag of meat was priceless though. I think I'd have classed it as a loss-leader and left it.

Well done @Cowardlybitch . Very well done.

I'm sure you feel sad now but I'm glad you found the courage to do that.

I think you OP hit the proverbial on the head when you caught one of your friends say “it doesn’t matter”.
I would be mortified if I hadn’t taken the time and effort to buy what my friend has asked for and spent the time wrapping it up.
OP you serve so much more than these fuckwads.
So go and do your thing, enjoy your birthday your way and silently tell them you’re sooooo much better than them. Because you are.

Hoorah OP - I’m glad you told them to sod off (in a more polite way) it seems they were using you perhaps. You carry on and make good friends who deserve you, and don’t give them a second thought! (Though I do imagine they will miss you , and they’ll be sad and reflect on their behaviours, like they should). Like you say it’s not about money being spent- but I do get offended when I get something totally random and in thought of- when I openly say a £2 candle would be enough or a bottle of fizz! I try and think about what I buy people even when I’m on a very tight purse string sometimes.

Was the meat-collector the one who gave you the spoon-rest, garlic dish and not-an-alpaca mug?

Suzanne, if you are reading, I hope you are deeply ashamed of your behaviour.

@UnderZealous The meat collector (Suzanne - driver of car) was the one who gave me the spoon rest and requested that I bake her husband the cake. The other two items were from the other two. The faux vegan (London based) sent me the book in the post. I say faux, as when she comes to stay at my place (as I'm the only one stupid enough to cater for her) conveniently forgets her veganism when a very tempting cake contains butter. She also has leather shoes and bags.

There is almost certainly a WhatsApp chat somewhere on fire right now. 🔥 The drama. (Assuming these are real people!)

I would love to hear the story from each of the other 4 ‘characters’ It could make an excellent 5 part drama.

The serving spoon could be a key prop in the story line.

You may have a best seller on your hands OP!

Yes u sound like a really nice and funny person 😂. Happy new season of Ur life. 50 sounds like it's been very liberating for you. Xxx

How kind of them to take a detour in the supermarket to the homewares section. They had obviously thought long and hard about how to show what true friendship is, and it's the thought that counts after all.

You could post the doorbell video on the group Whatsapp.

Well I can certainly see why you'd think it may be fictional @UserNameNotAvailable9 as how someone could be such a dumb-ass doormat for 20 years when, on paper, they're relatively smart, defies belief. I can only refer to that Doobie Brothers song about what a fool believes. I am a desperate people-pleaser and just want to make people happy. I know the original post didn't sound like that and I came over as a harridan. Quite a few people had a pop about my being selfish and ungrateful etc etc @GettingStuffed / @TheLittleOldWomanWhoShrinks /@LaLaLaurie /@Curiossir
I also lied when I said the new me didn't care about whether other people (even randoms off the internet) didn't like me. And I am sorry about @travailtotravel and @Passenger42 @FreeRider @PennyNotWise 's respective posts suggest that their lives are worth complaint and I'm just a miserable baggage. I am also guilty about being mean to my poor husband. Socks ignoring aside, he really is a lovely, kind person and I don't deserve him. I have acres to be grateful for and I guess I should have just served the drinks and cake and just faded them out instead.

Me too, if this was real life instead of Internet I would certainly be inviting you for good-quality coffee served in a non-llama mug.

OP, good on you!! Well done to get rid of them!

@SoNiceToComeHomeTo How would I know you weren't just after my cake though? My radar isn't that good when it comes to people.😂

You know because they bring something to the table too💞 they will love u in their own way.

completely disagree. if they did appreciate the op and genuinely care about her, why did they all slink off shame-faced when called out on their shitty behaviour? a genuine friend would want to sort things out, so it's telling that they couldn't be bothered.

op you sound awesome. better friends are out there!

I think it’s time to rename the faux vegan Two Steaks Pam!
I just do not understand people at all.
You can have a budget of £5, £50 or £500 and get someone a great gift.
If you are on about £30 you can walk into a John Lewis Beauty Hall and ask someone. It doesn’t have to be a red lipstick. Go for a nice bath oil, or shower oil,
it’s not bloody rocket science.

It was the outing of ‘Suzanne’, the absolutely ludicrous cake you linked (Gucci/skiing etc), the fact that 4 women would all be available specifically on your birthday, all arriving in the same car, characters all villains. It just felt like a scene from
a drama rather than real life. Plus it’s the internet, so - you know.

you seem to have a humorous tone, so thought you might get a laugh anyway

Tbh reading your horrible post I can see why no one was arsed to get you anything decent.

What's with the roll-call of posters you feel have wronged you, OP?

@Cowardlybitch Spectacular rant! And don't say you don't have any ready wit. You certainly do.

@Cowardlybitch My post was showing empathy to you. I went into detail about how shit my 50th was because this is one of the few places I can actually say it.

I didn't (don't) see it as a competition.

Ha, good point, that chocolate cake did sound rather nice, not to mention the cocktail glasses.

I feel you OP.

A very dear friend of mine is notorious for slightly shit gifts. So this year I made the decision to dial it right back. We've been through a LONG back and forth in the last 24 hours and what she and her kids want for Christmas... Has she asked me what I would like? Nope.
In previous years I've got her kids a couple of things each. This year, no. One gift each, both less than £20. Friend has got 2 things, both from the same shop, on the same retail park I got her kids stuff from.

@UserNameNotAvailable9 I never said it would look like that when I'd had a crack at it. 😂 She wants something "like that" but three tiered as per the number of guests. After Spongebob-gate many moons ago she knows not to expect professional looking cake. My 3-D cakes are very, shall we say, flawed and my dowelling skills a bit shonky. Like they've been in the back of a delivery van and spectacularly shaken. They do taste fab though (yes, I am conceited when it comes to the taste). And she is always the designated driver (t-total) and that's just how it has always been done since they had kids - descend on each other's place before the day. That is just how things pan out.

And thank you for your posts @FreeRider - I didn't mean it to sound like I was saying it was a pity competition. What I meant was I do sound spectacularly ungrateful in comparison, many sounded worse. I mean, a car bin? That really is poor.
I think the more you try to explain things fully sometimes when you type it out, the worse it sounds so I'll give up now whilst I'm ahead slightly.

Thank you for reading. It was very cathartic.