Shite 50th

[Cowardlybitch]

For contact, we're lucky to be in a decent position financially. Not loaded but mortgage paid, decent income, we can enjoy not to worry about what we put in shopping basket. Usually a week abroad and a couple of breaks a year. What do I get for my 50th birthday off my husband? Bearing in mind we have been together for 20 years. 2 pairs of merino wool socks that are too big and in hideous colours. Same brand and colours as purchased at Christmas that I asked him not to buy again. In fact, I said no more socks unless they're Bridgedale ones. But apparently they'll shrink to fit. And two small boxes of chocolates from a shop I walk past 3 times a week to go to work and buy myself when I want them. And yes, the socks do in fact shrink - to a size that don't actually fit - as per the Christmas ones.

From friends I have a crap, self-published vegan book from some random off Facebook (full of beige coloured meals) and a collection of kitchen crap from Morrisons homeware section.

When asked what I want, I said to donate to my favourite charity. But no, apparently, I don't want that. I want a collection of wasteful rubbish to take to the charity shop. I don't think the thought counts when there has been no effort whatsoever. I make a real effort with these people and would never buy them something they had expressly asked me not to. Or rubbish from the supermarket. I live in a tiny house - what the fuck would I want with tacky ceramic crap that serves no useful purpose whatsoever? I'm a keen cook - if wanted a spoon rest, I'd already have one. Why the fuck would anyone want a spoon rest - just wipe your worktop? Why give me an "original" recipe book which contains a recipe for soffritto and meals so visually unappealing they look like cow-pats? The purchaser had clearly not bothered to look at it. Why feckin ask me what I want and then tell me I don't want it? Why the fuck do I bother? The two things that make me most cross in the world is money being wasted and talking to myself. I can't believe I'm still surprised at 50 to be reminded, yet again, how fuckin thoughtless people are and I may as well talk to the neighbour's cat as clearly people don't listen to me.

Now I'm stuck with repeat protestations of "I forgot" and "I don't know what to get you" and the poor, "sad me" face because the cruel, mean woman has finally erupted. I'm so incredibly angry. More angry with myself for thinking this would be any different to any of the other lousy, thoughtless birthdays.

I don't

That is awful. Does your husband have any good points and do you want to spend the next 30-40 years getting two pairs of awful ill fitting socks twice a year because he ‘doesn’t know what to buy you’ 🥺?

My husband is terrible at gifts, always has been. I decided a long time ago that if I wanted a nice gift I'd be better off telling him exactly what I want and letting him pay for it, than run the risk of disappointment. It works just fine for us, I don't need the element of surprise and he is delighted/relieved that I've got something I really want. For my 50th I picked a beautiful piece of jewellery and told him what/where/how much. I absolutely love it and don't think any less of him for not going off an surprising me with it (or worse, with something I wouldn't like) You're 50, not 5, so I do think you need to grow up a bit sorry!

Ignore this nonsense OP. There's nothing spoilt about expecting the person who is supposed to love you more than anything to actually think about you and buy you a special gift for a milestone birthday.

Happy birthday!!!

I recommend you book somewhere you want to go (abroad), with or without the husband and buy yourself a wonderful gift that you know you will definately like.

I know its not the same but at least you can't be disappointed. Oh and do it on his credit card.

I think you sound incredibly ungrateful to be honest. Your husband has been thoughtless but it sounds like your friends bought you cooking stuff thinking you would appreciate it because they know you like cooking. Instead you’re turning your nose up at it. So what if it’s from a supermarket?

With an attitude like yours you’re lucky you got anything at all.

Happy 50th birthday 🎂🎂🎂🍹🍹🍹🍹🎈🎈🎈🎈

It's a pile of shite all right.

A 50th is such a special birthday, whatever about other birthdays 50ths are big ones.

People who are usually very thoughtful either forgot mine or got me crap.

It's not like they don't know the date, it's not like they don't know it's a big one.

I always get something really special for others but nope not mine, one family member who celebrated the same year and I spent a fortune on messaged me a few days later to wish me a happy birthday and said when I was free to travel 4 hours to her house to have a drink, not even a card ! All my friends forgot 🤔🤔 like wtf every one of them, we actually ended up sitting in a bar for lunch a week after my birthday and I was honestly expecting to walk into a surprise like a cake or something but no, nothing! One sibling out of 8 remembered and only that they wished me happy birthday in the group chat that the others all panicked with excuses. My DH who is usually really great at gifts told me to buy myself something or arrange a meal 😲😲😲😲 eh it's my birthday it's meant to be done for me!

I don't either.

i think op has every right to feel pissed off. it's not about spending money, it's the complete lack of care and thought. it's the last minute 'this'll do' which really tells you where you come in that person's list of priorities.

happy birthday op. please go and do something really nice for yourself. i'd re-gift the shit socks back to your h for xmas.

But some people are hard to buy for or terrible at gifts. If he loves you in other ways, and you are overall content and happy, then I think things are OK really.

well op wasn't that difficult, as she literally said to donate to a charity rather than buying stuff she didn't want.

I understand why you would be disappointed regarding your siblings. That must have be hurtful.

OP you could cheer yoursef up by reading through the “whats the worst gift you’ve ever received?” thread on here last year, in fact I think there are a couple, know that
it isn’t only you.
Mine have ranged from a bottle of Advocaat ! “I thought you liked it?” to a solo ticket to view from the top of the Shard by someone who KNEW I was height intolerant.

My 50th was a damp squib, he didn’t even make dinner let alone take me out. (ex)

@Cowardlybitch socks!!! I would be putting a couple of golf balls in them and whacking him around the head!!! I got a two carat diamond for my 50th!. now approaching 70th and dont really want anything at all! you tell him you want a week in paris and he has to book it for before christmas!

The husband issue is obviously harder to solve than dumping him over this. But your friends. Are they actually your friends? The stuff they got you smacks of desperate secret santa gifts for a not well liked colleague.

Very poor from your husband. YANBU there.

Friends- people might stick to the "no gifts" thing better if you give them something to do instead eg a charity to donate to. I think YABU to be cross that you didn't like the specific cookbook and the spoon rest- at least they tried.

for xmas rather than a birthday. i got a cheese hamper. i'm vegan - and the person who bought it for me knew that! to be fair it looked like a lovely hamper, and i passed it onto a friend who enjoyed it. i said thank you but did think wtf did you buy me that.

utter piffle

I am sure if you PM your address to the OP when your next milestone birthday is coming up she'll be happy to mail you the hideous socks and cheap plastic cookware.

That doesn't sound like a nice situation...but...

Have you let them know?

Have you pointed all this out?

Fair enough if you have, but I often hear about people who just silently withdraw and think woe is me and woe is the other person too...

Let them know.

I often say this; and yes, perhaps in an ideal world, people shouldn't have to point out what they think is obvious, but...we don't live in an ideal world.

We even had a work situation recently where for weeks, months, I was saying we need to let management know that we're not happy with this.

People were too meek..and then a colleague and myself - mainly him tbh - communicated and hey presto...it was sorted. They just didn't know.

Let them know.

You sound really ungrateful. I have a family member like you, I used to put in loads of thought to presents and they were still never good enough. I then stopped putting in the effort, maybe that's where your DH and friends are at.

If I was your husband I'd have donated to the charity you wanted a donation to, woken you up with a fancy breakfast in bed (or taken you out somewhere), and booked a holiday somewhere sunny - or at least a card with an IOU in showing the place picked and explaining why and what you'll love about it.

You don't sound like a person who likes material things and socks are offensive to everybody as a gift, let alone from your husband on a milestone.

I don't expect nice presents from friends because they just buy you things THEY like, or things that entirely miss the mark (I like dogs as real dogs, not blouses with dogs on). I say thanks and then take them to the charity shop.

I generally don't give out my address to strangers online but I would likely show some gratitude, rather than moaning it wasn't what I wanted. It's nice to have friends and a husband who've remembered even if it doesn't quite hit the mark.

I am angry for you.

Socks!! It’s an insult. I would be deeply unimpressed justifiably so are you.
It would feel like contempt to me, and I’m not sure we would get past it. I would rather spend the next 50 years with people that actually cared. Life is too short!

Whilst you mull it over book an all expenses weekend away somewhere you have always wanted to go. Buy yourself a huge present, order champagne and celebrate being alive. You don’t need to feel let down, because the one thing we will have learnt by now at this grand old age is the awareness that unless you make it happen, no one else will ( usually ) step up. I would be doing NOTHING else at all for those buggers. Not ever! 😂

I'm sure somebody will come along and tell you and tell you you are grabby but not me.
I'd go fucking mental if I was treated like that by my own family. How hard is it to go into a jewellery shop and pick out something lovely if you have no idea what to get. And/or a beautiful big bunch of flowers from a nice florist.
This is the kind of thing that causes spontaneous human combustion.
I'd be saying to him, well clearly you don't value me at all and take me completely for granted so you'll be doing your own cooking, cleaning and washing for now on. And don't even think of asking for sex.

Op stated that when asked she WANTED a charity donation

No one managed to get her what she wanted

That doesn't make her hard to buy for

I toowould feel very annoyed if people expected me to be grateful for something I never wanted in the first place. Something that proved the arrogant giver thought they knew better than I did what I wanted.