Hello everyone who replied especially the ones who gave me the benefit of the doubt to think that a potty-mouthed, psychopathic ranter was a complete monster on a day-to-day basis. Thank you for the birthday wishes. Apologies for not updating sooner but I did indeed channel my Darwin (as per the excellent suggestion of someone on here) and took myself off to a hotel for a few days. And yes, I did take my husband as once I calmed-down I realised that what he did was not the problem. The problem was not in fact him but my Uni friends. I was apoplectic with rage when I typed what I did and it seems to have been quite triggering for some people who I wholeheartedly admit have had much worse birthdays than I did. I'm afraid I did not present a full picture of the situation. However it seems some posters have filled in the blanks themselves. Particularly @MarvellousMariella1. I know at least one of my four Uni friends used to be on here when her children were small but you can't be one of them being that you made more stretches than a pilates teacher. I do hope you don't work in law enforcement, you need to go off the facts as presented, not do your own creative writing.
Though to be fair, everyone else can hand my arse to me on a plate for typing out what must look like a drip feed. I was not tethered by an HRT patch when I typed but no excuse. The title of my first post should have been "My 4 Uni friends don't actually like me and my ordinarily great husband did a thoughtless thing". Not quite as catchy or as easy to write though.
I always knew I was going to get socks and was in fact looking forward to it. I don't know how many more crumbs I could have laid. Short of laying runway lights to the nearest Cotwolds shop, I don't know what else I could do. But when I opened the parcel and saw the same gift as Christmas, it really was the last straw. This wasn't the case at all though: she got a nice posh pair of socks for Christmas and then TOLD HIM she didn't like them. Actually, I did thank him at Christmas and was only fed up when they went from being oversized to shrunk. In February / March after they were ruined, I said something along the lines of "Those expensive socks are a right rip-off. It is like being throttled by the ankle. I'll shove them in the fabric recycle. Stick to Bridgedales - they're cheaper and they last longer". I was more angry about him ignoring me and the quotes I made in the original post were all to him. "I forgot" was about the shrinking. "I didn't know what to buy" (my favourite socks?) Every time I threw out an old pair that were shabby I stuck in a hint. And the sad face comments referred to him. I did thank him on my birthday morning (Monday) and it was only a couple of hours later when he caught me upset after my shower (and minus Evorel patch) that I lost my temper. He did get an onslaught of shouting, tears and snot. Thankfully the attached neighbour is on holiday or he'd be wondering whether a foul-mouthed sailor had moved in. It was wrong of me so I'll take the accusation of needing to grow up on the chin. And he is genuinely sorry. Annoyingly, it would have been less effort to go into the City than to the sock of wonder shop.
Regarding the presents from friends. I was brought up not to ask for presents however if someone asked me what I want, I was able to ask for something modest. My friends from Uni don't have that approach. Which is fine. Two e-mail with a list approx a month before their dates, one has a standing request for Champagne (must not be supermarket labelled) and the fourth works near where I do, so we usually go out a couple of weeks before her birthday after work and she chooses something. I don't mind as at least I don't have to wrap it.
I'm not grabby but I do like presents My favourite ever present was some paper napkins with cats dressed as Victorian ladies. Really weird. A colleague brought me them back from Japan for no reason other than they thought I'd like them. So yes, I guess I am spoilt as I'm incredibly lucky for that to happen. I felt so special that they'd thought about me. Maybe it was their other half's cast-off present that they lost the plot over but I like the warm and fuzzy version. Likewise, to my friend who isn't so well-off who remembered I wanted to read a particular author. She bought it from the charity shop. She confessed where it was from. Don't know if it was for brownie points or because she felt embarrassed but it was so kind to remember what I'd said and the wrapping!!! She follows someone on Insta and wraps stuff like that scene in Love Actually. I hope everyone on here who hasn't had much effort ends up getting a gift wrapped so beautifully. Again, I admit, I am overindulged compared to many.
When any of the Uni four have asked me what I want, I have told them. It doesn't work. For example, when I asked for the following things, this is what I got:
Tulips. I got a Peace Lily from the supermarket. My response: "Thank you, that's lovely. I'll try not to kill it". How my friend could have failed to see the rather large specimen in my house I really don't know.
A pen refill for my nice pen (£7.50)- . The shop to get it from is two streets away from where she works. I got a pack of fluorescent disposable pens. My response: "I'll keep them on the fridge, they'll cheer up the shopping list. Thank you".
Nice stationery. I got a multi-pack of children's notepads from the Aldi special aisle. My response: "Those tigers are very cute. Thanks, I'll use them for the shopping list".
The best ever (which did make me laugh at the time) had to be when I was asked what I wanted and I said a small rucksack, large enough for a purse and water. I got a black UPVC, shiny bag with chains for straps and a miriad of zips. It made me laugh as I'd seen a re-run of League of Gentlemen and it reminded me of the gimp mask episode. And no, I didn't laugh in front of them and thanked them and said it was very practical with all the zips.
I know that gifts shouldn't be a transactional relationship but none of the gifts my Uni friends have ever been under £25. The cheapest one this year was some black Chanel nail polish. So with Christmas, birthday and their respective two children (who used to have a list but now just ask for vouchers) we're looking at £200 per friend. And yes I'm lucky enough to afford it. And yes, I could refuse but that isn't what has upset me. I finally get it, for the last 20 years, it is like in that film when women realise "He's just not into you". Only the friendship version. I had 10 decent years when they appeared to give a crap about me but for 20, I've been in denial.
The person who asked whether they were in fact my friends nailed it. I'm a friend when I'm useful. A friend for looking after their houses when they go abroad, need the bins taking in, looking after the dog so they don't have kennel fees, need free cake for their kids parties ("home-made cakes taste so much nicer"), baking done for the school or church fair. Babysitting when the kids were younger. I know it is pathetic and I have zero self-esteem but I just thought that they didn't treat me like they treat each other because I wasn't good enough. If I kept on making an effort, I'd make the cut. And no, before someone psychoanalyses me, I wasn't like this at school. Nor am I like this at work.
And don't anyone even think of suggesting they can't afford to make an effort in terms of money or time. Suffice to say, of the three that work, their household income is at least double ours. 3 work part-time and one inherited so much (post-divorce, thankfully) she retired at 45. She has a flat in London. And I don't mean a high-rise in a rough area. And no, before we get any more Scaravelli stretches, don't begrudge them their inheritance or their detached houses or their kids their private education.
I said, well in advance, "We don't really have the same taste in stuff so this year, please would you give a donation to the animal sanctuary please? They are desperate and I love following their news on Insta". They pulled a face but said they would. The three that live nearby came round on Sunday. I am assuming that at the spoon rest came from the supermarket but it is not fair to suggest all the gifts were. I saw her digging through her shopping bag when she was parked on my drive and started to wrap it up. The other two got impatient, eventually saying "Leave it, it doesn't matter". Those door camera things are useful. I had asked for donations but I wouldn't have dreamt on checking if they'd done it. I quickly found out they hadn't bothered as "charity things are so impersonal, don't you think?" If they'd have lied and said they'd done it online, I'd still be their doormat.
I opened them all immediately as they're always strangely proud of their offerings. The spoon rest, plus a mug with a llama on ("cause you went on that llama picnic thing". It was an alpaca picnic but close enough. And one of those garlic dishes with grooves on that all the garlic gets stuck in (own foolish previous purchase). And yes, I did say thank you but I'm not much of an actress so I'm sure I did have cat's bum face on.
I'd got the cocktail glasses out ready for their arrival but I didn't bother getting out the ingredients. Likewise with the cake (chocolate live oil cake and macadamia and chocolate cookies) that were cooling on the side didn't get offered. They got coffee (instant) and one got her llama mug back which had only had a cursory rinse. They chatted and when they ran out of stories, they saw the vegan amazon book on the side. One of them picked it up and said, "Oh yeah, this is X''s godmother's book isn't it?" X being a friend of my faux vegan "friend". She flicked through the pages and said "Vegan friend said they all looked ghastly on the Facebook page but surely not worse than this?". She pointed to a picture and laughed and made a face like she was being sick. It did look like the contents of the vacuum caddy mixed with water.
It was obvious something was wrong as they said how I wasn't my usual - "hostess with the mostest" self and how they'd have to self-serve at this rate. They eventually asked what was wrong. Normally I'm one of those people who know what to say when they person has disappeared down the road but for the first time ever, I knew exactly what to say and when. "What could possibly be wrong when my 4 oldest friends have told me exactly how they feel about me with their thoughtful gifts". They all exchanged glances and looked like they'd been caught out. I rinsed out my cup and one said "Maybe we'd best leave". I agreed. I admit I did get a small amount of satisfaction when the driver had to come back to retrieve the chiller shopping from my fridge.
I don't think I'll hear from them again. I know they won't care as obviously they don't class me as a real friend. And to be fair, I'm no social butterfly, no ready wit and have no social standing so they won't miss me. I can say they will miss the dinner parties and free cakes though. And on the off chance that Suzanne is on here reading this, no I will not be making Andrew a three tier copy of this https://slattery.co.uk/cake/skier-extras/ for his 60th in April . And don't think I'll be pitching in for your son's volunteering holiday abroad either. I don't care if this is outing, you deserve it.
I don't have any expectations of presents. I don't think presents are beneath me, even if I don't like them. Oh and I don't go hiking - so another stretch I'm afraid. And I didn't say it was "charity shop junk". I said it was "a collection of wasteful rubbish to take to the charity shop". Though one man's trash and all that. They might make a few pounds from it.
I'm sorry I'm not as saintly as some of you claim to be and maybe I should still be grateful for this stuff but I'm not. Though to anyone I've upset with my whine, I am sorry. Esp @travailtotravel. I hope you were in a temporary blue mood when you wrote your post otherwise that seems an incredibly sad way to live. And also @Passenger42 - yours made me a bit teary. You sound absolutely lovely to be grateful for the small things. I wish I could send you a card.
So there is it. I'm ready for the pile on but the new version of me no longer cares whether people like me or not. I tried my hardest to be likeable and all they smelled was desperation and weakness and played on it.