AIBU for wanting to stipulate certain gifts aren't welcome at my baby shower?

[ChaosPersonified]

There is a hereditary allergy in my family for a very common ingredient in a lot of baby and new mum products and we all suffer from sensitive skin and can react to Sensitive skin products.
Is there a way I can politely add to invites to only buy certain brands of toiletries/ products or for people to check with my friends (the organisers of the shower) before purchasing products, as I would hate for people to waste money but I also don't want either myself or the baby to suffer.
Or do I just stipulate no toiletries whatsoever to be safer?

My ex has said I'm being demanding asking for specific items and that he's sure the reactions won't be that bad....

I would just say no toiletries please due to skin sensitivities

The whole point of a baby shower is to shower the baby with gifts .😂

Feel free to spend time with your friends talking about babies.

However a baby shower/bridal shower is for friends to help you on your journey with useful baby or house stuff.

Otherwise it would just be a random afternoon tea 😔

I go but I must admit I would rather do the gift when I meet the baby. After all, I have seen threads about the rudeness of turning up to meet a baby empty handed. 😉

I do it when I meet the baby as sometimes tragically there is no baby to meet

Right, so if you hold a shower rather than an afternoon tea or get-together, you are specifically asking for presents.

Why not let people buy you presents if they want to buy you them, rather than have a specific event that is solely for requesting them?
I can't see how that's not just holding your hand out? Unless you genuinely can't afford anything and your friends all can, and you want to prompt them, maybe.

I love to buy baby presents when I meet the baby (or see the mum for the first time, or send a gift with someone who's visiting, or contribute to a colleague's gift). But that's because I want to, not because I've been summoned to.

yes that's exactly what I do message mammy see if she is OK for visitors and bring a gift plus food. someone told me years ago she loved the fact I brought a ready made lasanage she could heat up easy and eat so have always done it since

Seriously if I am buying a gift I would rather they could use it and not have to regift it!

Absolutely fine to say no toiletries due to allergies. If I am spending my money on you and your baby I want you and your baby to have the benefit if my gift.

Completely daft to spend money on them to not use it

It isn't a summons its an invitation to a fun event where friends and family play daft games.

"This is a celebration I am delighted to share with you and I want to assure you gifts are unnecessary, as your presence is appreciated. If you do want to bring a gift please avoid toiletries whether for mum or for baby due to significant hereditary skin sensitivities"

I was replying to a post that said if you want to just do that then hold a random meetup, because a "shower" is specifically for giving presents.

Therefore, if you hold a shower and not a 'random meet-up' you are being directly asked to bring presents, according to that person.

@Spirallingdownwards exactly this.

I spend my money on gifts for Mum or baby NOT for the food banks etc. If I wanted to do that I would save myself the bother and just donate money to the food bank or charity. Much rather know what is wanted or needed so I can help. Amazon wishlists are good for this.

Another vote for no gifts - yuk

No toiletries or skincare please due to family allergies, any questions or concerns please run them past granda to be, seems reasonable enough and allows flexibility.

I wouldn't specify brands

I’d much prefer to gift from a list or be asked to avoid certain gifts (no toiletries due to allergies) rather than have my gift given away.

Baby showers are yet another tacky, grabby, attention-seeking import from the godforsaken US. Can we just stop with this nonsense? And don’t even get me started on ‘gender reveals’ 🤮

Just insist on no gifts at all.

That's the most polite thing to do if you must have a baby shower.

They’re not my thing but I don’t understand why people (including several posters on here) have to be so scathing about them. If you don’t like them, just don’t go to them. You don’t have to shit all over someone else’s joy.

'Showers' (bridal and baby) are traditionally organised by friends for the recipient, inviting girl friends and female family members. You're not supposed to do your own. It's an old fashioned girlie thing with nice little inexpensive gifts, baby grows, oven gloves, that sort of thing.

Not everyones cup of tea but there it is. It's kind of 1950s America, also adopted in other countries. I remember going to them about 60 years ago (not in the UK).

I mean I don't see the problem. It's supposed to be a nice thing to do for someone. But like every occasion these days people get grabby and want 'stuff' and other people get offended because they're given expensive lists of 'stuff' to buy.

The original idea was nice, low key, easy and fun. It seems to have become more transactional and greedy.

It is. That was the original purpose and the reason behind the 'shower' part of the term.

Of course things can change and develop, and if people just want to have a pre-baby get together without gifts and call it a baby shower, there's nothing stopping them. But the history and the derivation of the term is to shower a woman having her first child, with the things she and the baby will need.

A baby shower is a party centered on gift-giving to celebrate the delivery or expected birth of a child. It is a rite of passage that celebrates through giving gifts and spending time together.[1]

The modern baby shower in America started in the late 1940s and the 1950s, as post-war women were expecting the Baby Boomers generation.[1] As in earlier eras, when young women married and were provided with trousseaux, the shower served the function of providing the mother and her home with useful material goods.[10]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Babyshower

Didn’t it used to be bad luck to buy baby gifts before it was safely born? Like tempting fate? I know my grandma was horrified when we showed her our new pram, she told us to get it out of our house asap.

I only know one person who had a baby shower. I didn’t go as was busy sticking pins in my eyes but it looked tacky as fuck great on Insta.

A an attendee, I'd be happy to receive some sort of guidance on what to get, why not make a wishlist with some affordable items?

Friends had a baby shower recently and they said they'd be happy if we brought some specific items, ideally once we used for our own children or that they can be bought second hand to avoid wastefulness. I thought this was great.
I've never thrown a baby shower despite having had two babies, but I still got 5 lovies, numerous baby bath bottles, cute but impractical outfits they wore once or not at all, so now I try to emphasise to my friends with children that they can just gift us clothes oe toys used by their older kids.

We're going to a birthday party soon so I messaged the host to ask when her son would prefer as a gift (Lego or art kit)

I prefer to give presents after the baby has arrived safely. There’s still too much that can go wrong beforehand.

I had a baby shower in 2005 and am British, I'm boggling at people thinking it's something new. It was new to me then but my baby is now 19. My friend wanted to organise it for me, it wasn't my idea- don't see how it's grabby, just a lovely gesture from a friend.