AIBU for wanting to stipulate certain gifts aren't welcome at my baby shower?

[ChaosPersonified]

There is a hereditary allergy in my family for a very common ingredient in a lot of baby and new mum products and we all suffer from sensitive skin and can react to Sensitive skin products.
Is there a way I can politely add to invites to only buy certain brands of toiletries/ products or for people to check with my friends (the organisers of the shower) before purchasing products, as I would hate for people to waste money but I also don't want either myself or the baby to suffer.
Or do I just stipulate no toiletries whatsoever to be safer?

My ex has said I'm being demanding asking for specific items and that he's sure the reactions won't be that bad....

No it’s not

that’s how it’s turned.

but it’s actually to celebrate the upcoming birth of the baby.

It would be fine to put something on the invitations, but why are you doing them? The organisers should be & that type of message is less grating from Organisers.

Something like...

Clearly gifts are not necessary! But should anyone wish to treat baby please avoid all toiletries due to hereditary allergies.

an awkward message to word without sounding like you expect gifts. We're such an uptight culture! 😂

but be careful with how you word it, as your thread title comes over a bit rude & I know you don't mean to be.

i think it's easier to say 'no toiletries' than this but not this!

I'm sorry baby's daddy is already an ex, i hope you're coping ok ?! Lots of other support??

Yikes that’s grabby.

I think that the point should be to shower the mum to be with love before the birth. A get together with female friends is a lovely thing to do as it might not be possible for a while.

Presumably the people attending the baby shower are happy with the concept and are attending because they want to. Anyone who thinks they’re grabby or whatever can politely decline to come. I had baby showers for both my babies because other people asked if they could organise one. I felt uncomfortable that people would feel they had to bring a gift, when I just wanted to see my friends, so asked the organisers to specify no gifts. Most people ignored this, especially for the first baby, and brought me a gift anyway 🤷‍♀️

If someone else is organising it OP it would be fine to say no toiletries due to allergies IMO.

Just say no gifts, otherwise you sound really grabby.

Yes, that’s how to deal with it.

Absolutely. Who wants to spend time with friends and family when anticipating a huge life event, maybe sharing some nice food, advice and support, unless there's free stuff involved?

'Please no toiletries due to allergies' is fine !

I agree with the comments about baby showers being grabby.

It's a relatively new thing in the UK that originated from across the pond.

The same goes with Black Friday and school balls now being called a prom.

I agree with 'please don't buy us toiletries due to allergies'.

I wish I could do this too as I'm still getting products I can't use!

I would say something like

Please come and celebrate with me, no gifts needed but if you do chose to bring one, please can I ask for no toiletries due to allergies. Many thanks

I would be happy to have a gift list tbh. Not that I ever had a baby shower, being old.

Exactly what I was going to say!

I didn’t have baby showers. Instead I went out for a nice lunch with my closest friends and specified no gifts.

Agree with pre-empting the issue by getting your organiser to add something t the invite, eg 'Your attendance and support is gift enough but if you do wish to bring a present please can we politely suggest no toiletries due to allergies, to include 'sensitive' products'.

Better to say … no toilette due to allergies… it’s better that way

I assume that the people attending are your friends? If so just communicate like an actual adult.
Just tell them that they do not need to bring any gifts but that if they do want to bring anything please no toiletries due to allergies.

That just says there is an expectation for gifts. Say no gifts and you won't have this issue.

That's like saying there's no point in birthday parties without presents. Of course there is, to spend time with your closest family and friends to celebrate a major life event.

Baby showers come from the same ridiculous place as Boo Baskets, Xmas eve boxes and Easter gifts. It's just encouraging rampant consumerism.

In the UK the tradition was always to give a gift when the baby is born, that hasn't gone away so now people feel obliged to give twice.

You'd be surprised how many people would completely disregard this, or fail to bring their glasses when out shoppjng...

OP, the nicest baby showers I've been to were the ones where people were asked to bring a favourite book for the baby if they felt the need to bring a gift. Would this theme idea work for you?

Also, fwiw, baby showers are traditionally thrown by a close friend or relative of the mother to be, not the woman herself.

Problem with "no gifts" is that some people will bring them regardless as it's often interpreted as "no gift necessary", and then the OP could still end up with the banned toiletries. We said "no gifts" for DH's 40th and still ended up with a lot.

Baby showers are just another excuse for self indulgent grabby affairs.

Meh. Regift/ donate anything unsuitable. No drama

There's nothing wrong with having a baby shower, and yes, the whole point of the baby shower is to have gifts for the baby (and usually some nice finger food and a game or two). If people don't want to go, they don't have to. If people can't understand that there's certainly no obligation to buy two gifts for the baby, that's their own issue to sort out.

I don't see a problem with letting people know about something like an allergy. Either way works, whether asking for no toiletries or explaining what the allergen is and listing a few brands/products that don't include the allergen. Obviously if someone gets confused and gives something you can't use, you just thank them and later regift or donate it, but it does no harm to let people know beforehand if there's something you can't use.

That's not correct. Baby showers have always been held to help set up the parents to be with necessary items for the baby.

Hence the word "shower" in the name of the celebration. They're traditionally held for the first baby only because after that, it's assumed the family is set up and has what it needs.

To stipulate anything says you're assuming everyone will being a gift. So then it becomes grabby. Best saying either no gifts, or just accepting what is bought and regift what can't be used.