AIBU for wanting to stipulate certain gifts aren't welcome at my baby shower?

[ChaosPersonified]

There is a hereditary allergy in my family for a very common ingredient in a lot of baby and new mum products and we all suffer from sensitive skin and can react to Sensitive skin products.
Is there a way I can politely add to invites to only buy certain brands of toiletries/ products or for people to check with my friends (the organisers of the shower) before purchasing products, as I would hate for people to waste money but I also don't want either myself or the baby to suffer.
Or do I just stipulate no toiletries whatsoever to be safer?

My ex has said I'm being demanding asking for specific items and that he's sure the reactions won't be that bad....

Wow, some of the comments…. I didn’t have a baby shower because I didn’t want one. Many of my friends did have them though and I never thought that they were “grabby”. It’s a nice way to get together before becoming a mother, the most important time of your life. Some really uncalled for comments.

regarding gifting, one thing that I really liked on the baby showers I attended too were an online list, not sure if I am allowed to comment links but most of the baby showers I went too used this. They put all sorts on there, not expensive things and once you have bought something it gets reserved off the list so no double buys. I didn’t think this was grabby and as a mum of 2, found it so much easier than looking online and second guessing whether they would like this gift or if they had already bought it.

i hope you have a lovely baby shower x

Yeah op, I'd say 'no toiletries please' and explain why when people turn up

Congratulations on the baby x

Why do you want a baby shower op? Is it just to get gifts? If so yes, do carry on with the grabby theme and ask people only to bring you things you authorise.

If it’s just a chilled out female gathering pre-baby, then just say no gifts. And call it a chilled out pre-baby gathering rather than a baby shower which is proper cringy. Unless you are American of course, which if so…as you were.

What a horrible comment, @Screamingabdabz

Judgy, mean spirited, and anti-American all in one.

I would not specify brands it sounds grabby.

Say no gifts it's simpler

Just say nothing unless people ask, and if they do, just say no toiletries.

If you're given anything unsuitable, just pop it in the food bank box in the supermarket.

More importantly, are you aware of the current advice around avoiding creams based on oats, coconut etc because of the increased risk of food allergy? It could be really important for your family. Info here: https://allergyfacts.org.au/development-of-food-allergy-through-food-based-skincare-products/#:~:text=Advice%20for%20the%20management%20of,an%20allergy%20to%20those%20foods'.

"If you would kindly like to bring a gift we ask that, due to known allergies, please no toiletries for Mum or baby."

Or similar on the invites or in any communications.

As a attendee I'd rather know as I hate purchasing gifts that are useless and likely to go unused or regifted.

I wouldn't mention gifts (didn't for my wedding) - in fact, for a baby shower I'd ask that no gifts are brought.

If I received any unsuitable toiletries, I'd donate to a baby bank.

I would let people give what they want, then donate unsuitable clothing to charity shops and the toiletries to food banks.

I didn't have baby showers because to me they are grabby but I do understand that lots of people really like them. However, I think it is very cheeky to assume a gift from everyone invited, and to stipulate what the gift should or shouldn't be. Close family and friends will know anyway. If you end up with a few unusable toiletries just regift them.

Say no gifts. Otherwise it comes across really precious.

Nah, there's no point having one in either situation.

There's no point in birthday parties, Christmas dinner or retirement dos either. Sometimes people do something nice to celebrate the milestones of their loved ones.

🤣 …oh dear. That’s me told for dissing naff grabbiness. I’d never be anti-American though (I have family ties…)

“Please don’t feel pressured to bring a gift: your presence is enough 🙂. But if you would like to bring something, please note there is a family history of skin sensitivity so Aveeno/child’s farm products would be especially welcome.”

I don’t think that’s true. It’s also about feeling supported by your friends and getting to see them all before you give birth.

Pre and post birth celebrations involving gifts have existed in pretty much all cultures from around Egyptian times.

Why suddenly are people like you getting all huffy about them?

Do people actually ask for gifts at these things?

100 per cent this
I have declined every single baby shower I have been invited too. thankfully most of my family and friends do not partake in this crap
if you you go ahead with this do not say anything politely accept the gifts smile and say thank you much appreciated if its stuff can't be used registered donate

This

That's too much. Just say no toiletries

You family will all know - you could ask for no presents to avoid it or just see what people bring - donating to a foodbank could be an option that would be appreciated from unwanted gifts

Im so allergic to some products that even opening a gift with the sealed product inside will trigger a reaction. Most disposable nappies for example, I can’t go down that aisle of the store or I get hives.

so I would definitely be telling people to avoid certain products. I would probably avoid the specific things I do use because they tend to be hard to source and expensive. There are plenty of other things to get, clothing, toys, and books.

Are desperate for gifts?.
I don't believe in baby showers (another American " thing". Even my daughters wouldn't have one.. people visit after and bring gifts if they want to..
I'd prefer donations to a baby charity.