My owner won't let me eat birds anymore

[AHungryCat]

What should I do? She tried to talk to me about it but fgs

........make sure you only eat 2 out of the 4 flavours of pouch in a box

Or pretend to like them all, the first time she buys them - you know, when she just gets the box of 12.

But then you can laugh to yourself when you see her order 96 on Amazon Subscribe & Save.

And watch her dismay when you next sniff the contents of your bowl, then walk off without eating anything.

Rinse and repeat with the other three flavours.

Never fails to piss them off.

I think you need a staycation at the neighbours house for the weekend, and then return triumphant with a half eaten mouse. If that fails, a dirty protest on the bedroom floor next to the bed in the servant's quarters will be your next step.

If you do bring them an intact mouse at 4am and they are unappreciative and take it from you, bring the same sodding mouse back at 5am to show them you really care.
Top tip a chucked up hairball really looks like a poo if you want to send them into a cleaning frenzy but do not feel the need.

Emmy cat says when my slaves told me off I brought back double the amount the next day. There’s no flies on this cat.

Consider yourself lucky.

Maybe we cats could gang up on anyone who thinks we should be permanently restricted to indoors?
Meow.

My owner loves wildlife especially birds. She has these funny long tubes to see them better. So i take pitty and and make sure I catch her favourite birds so she can see them up close, long tailed tit, gold finches, gold crest, coot, willow warbler, water rail. She's so happy amd screams for ages! She even cried with joy.

But if birds aren't appreciated how about bats. All the fun catching a bird but they are technically mice with wings!

Oh THAT was the best thread EVER!!! ❤️

LTB

Remember: humans need snacks too. Pop a mouse in her handbag for when she's peckish...

Start sharpening your claws on that leather chaise, but only in the middle of the night.
Crap in the back of the closet.
Crap in the kitchen sink.
Bring in a live mole. Let it go under the furniture. Make sure it bites you on the paw guaranteeing a £400 trip to the vet.
Or, limp for no reason, guaranteeing a £200 trip to the vet for no reason.
Or, both.
Pee in the linen closet.
Pee in company’s car.
Pee in the tumble dryer rendering it useless.
These methods have proven successful for me to be the most efficiently annoying feline.
Love, Sparky

It’s abusive. Your mental health comes first.

You should never eat them anyway! Leave them around the house so your humans can practice hunting, it’s the only way they’ll learn.
Never leave them as presents though, I once left a bat on my servant’s pillow as a token of affection and they were very unappreciative

😮

Anyone on here tried to catch the birds and mice which appear on that big flat thing they turn on and off?
You know, they point a black thing at it and the birds just appear?

But the birds on it are really hard to catch. Don't get me wrong, I'm a professional, and I've caught a few, but they're harder to get hold of.

My human sits and laughs at me when she sees me chasing them.

😆

Ha!

I go far and wide in order to catch wildlife.

I think you mean your slave.

@sharpclawedkitten I am only one year old, I have a lot to learn. This thread is teaching me many things. I should absolutely not have claimed myself satisfied at two breakfasts, I have set the bar too low.

I also find that if you cannot be arsed catching something and bring them a leaf they think that is really sweet

I’m reliably informed (by people) that grey squirrel tastes like chicken and is great fried with onions and mushrooms. Give it a go, your owners will thank you for helping the reds.

You lot are amateurs.

Hide the corpses. Your servant won't be able to locate them until they are leaking fluid and malodours.

Moles are easy I find - they literally pop out of the ground and into your mouth.

Bonus points if you can get a leaf to stick to your arse.
They love that.

Mine takes pictures of me in allegedly cute poses and puts them online.

Last winter I gave a present of a half dead(alive?) mouse in my househelpers ugg boot 3 times. She screamed and threw it at the wall . Rude.

My slave's husband really groans if I bring in a bird. I decided to have one big go at getting him onboard during covid. Slave was out, he was on a work zoom call, so I brought a nice big pigeon in for him. We both did lots of banging and I made a bit of a mess with feathers, he was so annoyed and got the live pigeon off me.

Now I moved onto shrews, really good to do it at night and leave the leftovers at the bottom of the stairs where he'll step on them first thing in the morning. By the point I'm busy purring at my slave for by breakfast, so I'm immune to getting in trouble.