To be SO fucking hurt by this

[BelleSauvage9]

Just been at a birthday party for my nephew in laws partner. At the end of the night dp made a big point of telling nephew to get up in the morning with their kids (because he never does). Dp NEVER gets up with our kids. Not on my birthday, mother's day, just never. I feel so unbelievably hurt that he thinks nephews partner is worth that effort and I, the mother of his children, his partner, the hub of our home, is not.

I expressed this to him. His response was that he tells me to wake him up. I've told him many times there's no point in doing that because if I'm awake enough to wake him, then I'm awake and I won't be able to go back to sleep. And it just feels like a bloody cop out, and puts the responsibility onto me. How the hell does being responsible for your own lie in make you feel valued and appreciated and cared for. I just despair :(

Why would you not want your DP to look good in front of others? The level of spite is reveling espicially from tjose talking about their EX To make yourself feel better, you purposefully would embarrass him, why. OP dont listen to the emotionally abusive, speak up for yourself and dont expect him to think how you think, its a level of emotional maturity.

Babe, it's a conversation to have with him. But rather than blowing up the issue, it's not just this. Say I feel, tell him what's in your head. Ask himwhat'ss in his.

Id be fuming if i say in my m8nd worked to support ypu and my family, to be told i do nothing, well that would hurt.

Oh and also I show my appreciation for him by 1. Always offering to make him a coffee (he never makes me one) 2. Letting him lie in every single day that he's not up for work 3. Taking our kids to do stuff without him so he can have free time that is actually free time 4. Cooking meals I know he particularly likes 5. Making an effort on bday/xmas/father's day 6. Buying him a random treat when at the shop 7. Giving him a bigger portion of meals than myself, or giving him 'nicer' bits (I would imagine he's not consciously aware of this last one, but I know I do this as a way of demonstrating my consideration for him, even if he doesn't know)

I'm sure if I paid attention over the course of a few weeks I'd come up with more but just to give you the examples that come to mind immediately.

Oh I have actually thought of one thing he does that makes me feel like he's making an effort and that's tickling my back. And is a really good one, BUT, he knows it leads to sex and he doesn't do it without then moving it on to sex so it feels like it's actually done so that he can get something he wants from it. But I do still appreciate the effort he puts into it, and I thank him and make sure he knows I really appreciate it

Huh? It's not her job to make him look good in front of others by allowing him to pretend that he does things he doesn't actually do.

Maybe I sound like a total bitch but I don't want him to look good for acting like someone that he isn't?! He's great at diy and I'll be the first person to say 'oh dp did such a great job of this, it looks so good' 'he worked so hard on this thing' etc, things that he actually deserves to look good for. But no I don't want him getting 'credit' for being an amazing dad and partner when sadly he is not those things and I feel he hasn't earned the right to be given that label. And everyone acting like he is because that's what he shows them when they're around to see it, feels really invalidating to my lived experience of him being actually a bit shit with all those things and me feeling like I'm in an unequal partnership and having to cope with the burden of childcare and housework and the running of the household with absolute minimal support.

Omg your a unit he looks bad you look bad,

How long are you going to stay with him when he doesn't appreciate you or make you feel loved?

Eh??? Don't be ridiculous. It's not our job to make our husbands look good, especially if they are being bell-ends.

I have said it so many times on MN - it is 2024 NOT 1954.

So yet again the responsibility for his behaviour is put onto me?! You've absolutely lost me at that, but thanks for trying to put across a different perspective for me to consider. I've considered and do not agree with you at all.

Do you work? And are the children really young, because that is hell. It sounds like a communication issue but be aware your point seems to be what he does is not good enough, i would not take that well.

Oh that is shit OP. Especially as he he has now shown knows how to treat a partner with respect, but doesn't do it.

You are right to be angry. You are not his mother, he has an adult brain and can make adult decisions. If he wanted to behave in a supportive way, he would.

Looks like its the sofa for him until he works out you are his partner not his maid.

I don't know, I imagine there will come a time when I've 100% had enough. And the more these things happen the closer I get to that

Dont be silly its not ypur job to INTENTIONALLY embarss ypur partner, wtf how are old are you

Was talking to other poster.

Hi OP's not so "D" P. You need to (a) pull your weight and (b) learn to spell.

I would not approach this in anger, but with the hurt you feel, be prepared to hear that you do NOT think he is the husband he believes he is, and he might let you know the same. It sounds like poor communication rather than him maliciously not making you tea.

I didn't intentionally embarrass him. Just because other people have mentioned calling him out in front of people, don't put that on me please, I didn't do (or say) that.

And no, I don't currently work. I worked until dc2 was born. Dc1 is 13, dc2 is nearly 3 and dc3 is 18 months. Dp and I agreed for me to stay home with the youngest 2 until dc2 starts school and we only have to afford nursery fees for dc3

Who was intentionally embarrassing anybody? I think you have lost the plot (literally).

Also you can reply to a post so it makes more sense who you are replying to. Click the quote button.

How old are the kids? I sleep far more lightly than my DP so I am always awake before him but I wake him up to get up with the kids. He couldn’t really set an alarm because they don’t wake up at the same time every day. I don’t see this as an issue. He is happy to get up but I always wake up first, there’s not really anything he can do about that. I get the impression it’s about more than just the getting up though. If you feel under appreciated you have 3 options; leave him, talk to him or accept it.

U OK hun?

😂😂😂😂

Go to bed? Are you in the uk? My baby got me up an hour ago 😂