...to think that women should be able to warn other women....

[thebrollachan]

...about the behaviour of specific men in their friendship group?

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/cancel-culture-death-oxford-university-b2643626.html

(The incident appears to have happened a few days before his death, was sexual in nature, and involved an ex-girlfriend.)

Maybe it was a lie. Or a mistake. Or it really happened and she didn't want other women to run the same risk.

What it wasnt was "cancel culture".

I agree, I think the coroner briefly mentions that there are other factors at play in a suicide but then blames the death purely on cancel culture. This young man sadly took his own life in January, a time known for an increase in suicides. After he, in his own words, had done something unintentionally but unforgivable. This would also possibly coincide with exam time at university. So a lot of stresses that might lead a young man to make a rash decision. He would also not be the first person who has committed suicide after they think they have done something unforgivable, even without a cancel culture.

PS I’m not saying what is happening here is cancel culture but following the logic if the coroner believes it is cancel culture, there are still a number of other factors at play.

I agree it is distasteful to speculate about this one tragic case- we have no idea what happened here.

It is undeniable that groups of friends sometimes decide to ostracise one person because of an incident, which might or might not have happened. I think this sort of trial by hearsay and communal decision to ostracise is awful, regardless of guilt. It is a lynch mob mentality, smoothed and modernised.

OP didn't care to actually research what happened in the inquest and jumped to thinking this was a case of women warning other women of men who may a risk to them.

Which isn't what happened. The dead young man had sex with a girl and then she expressed discomfort about the encounter to male friends in his friendship group but also said she wouldn't report anything formally to anyone.

So his male friends confronted him and the girls ex-BF had a 'physical altercation' with him and his male friends arranged a meeting with him to confront him on the allegations and told him they wanted space from him and they might check in on him in a few weeks but didn't say when.

The coroner said there was a culture, not just at Oxford but wider, of students jumping into acting on allegations without due process, and animosity and shunning towards students who hadn't had any kind of fair hearing or due process - to be seen to be 'doing the right thing' - and that it couldn't be said it directly led to his death but was a worrying culture within the college that the college was aware of but couldn't conclude that the failure of the college to act on this culture contributed to his death either.

But OP didn't let the actual details bother them and just posted for people to speculate on a dead young mans actions, incorrectly assumed that it was women warning women when it was in fact, a woman telling men and men aggressively confronting a man based on allegations, shunning them and also getting into 'physical altercations' and saying it clearly wasn't cancel culture that led to his death when the coroner never said it was.

Unless I have totally misread the article, the cancel culture has nothing to do with the woman warning friends or indeed anything to do with her behaviour.

It is to do with his entire friendship group apparently having a meeting and deciding formally to ostracise him ahead of any verdict/enquiry.

There were several students claiming that there exists a cancel culture at college. This isn’t all about misogyny as I imagine you can also be cancelled about any of your views (climate change, Israel/Palestine, U.S election).

I can’t speak to the truth of whether a cancel culture does exist but, if it does, it is the antithesis of what an academic institution should be about and needs to be addressed.

But surely anyone can choose to be friends or not with someone for any reason?

You've just speculated and wrongly jumped to the wrong conclusion - just like the OP did. It wasn't women she told and women 'telling him off' or even her telling him off.

It was men she told about her 'discomfort' , while telling them she wouldn't report anything formally and actually have it investigated. His male friends who confronted him and her ex-BF who she told who got into a 'physical altercation with him'. It was his male friends who were ostracising him.

I've already given my opinion on the coroners statements, they didn't say he killed himself as a result of cancel culture which is what everyone seems to be incorrectly focusing on, aside from making things up as they go along like you and the OP have.

Someone has died and measures need to be taken.

Making things up is not helping.

This thread is in exceptional bad taste. There is a young man dead. And quite frankly noone will know the truth of what occured because there wasn't engagement with the relevant authorities, no court case nor no verdict.

Instead there is random people making assertions against a man who can not defend himself.

He may have been completely innocent and is considered in a court of law to be until proven otherwise.

If you read the inquest or at least other articles instead of just taking sentences from one news article, it will make sense to you.

According to some here, it sounds like the young woman should be celebrating and be celebrated for their actions and whatever has brought about his life death.
No need for arrest a trial or jury/judge? Peer decisions are the correct way forward?

Are they linking the ex boyfriend 'confrontation' to the head injury?

The coronor is criticising women for shunning a man they believe to be a sexual predator. That is appauling. The women may be right in their belief, they may be wrong. But either way they have every right to stop socialising with any man,, whenever they like, for whatever reason they like. Compelling them to be a man's emotional support human is not ok.

I partly invited that with my eye-catching, but one-sided, AIBU.

I could have asked, 'if someone wrongs me, should I tell our friends?', or 'if one of my friends accuses another, how should I react?', or 'is gossip, which might be malicious, the same as cancel culture?'

As it happens, one of the offended PPs has posted some more detailed information (maybe it was hiding behind the Times paywall). Which suggests the friendship group were rather officious about this and staged a sort of intervention/shaming.

But is that cancel culture, or is it just young people being a bit priggish?

Well o but surely his peers were free to decide whether to continue hanging out with him or not? We can’t force people to be friends.

Why shouldn’t the girl be able to discuss something that’s upsetting her with her peers?

The coroner said there was a culture, not just at Oxford but wider, of students jumping into acting on allegations without due process, and animosity and shunning towards students who hadn't had any kind of fair hearing or due process - to be seen to be 'doing the right thing' - and that it couldn't be said it directly led to his death but was a worrying culture within the college that the college was aware of but couldn't conclude that the failure of the college to act on this culture contributed to his death either.

It is to do with his entire friendship group apparently having a meeting and deciding formally to ostracise him ahead of any verdict/enquiry.

And quite frankly noone will know the truth of what occured because there wasn't engagement with the relevant authorities, no court case nor no verdict.

No need for arrest a trial or jury/judge?

I've quoted a few people here because there's a theme. Not about this young man, I have no idea what happened. But more widely. Court cases, verdicts, enquiries, juries. Women have been utterly failed by the justice system in regards to sexual offending. Waiting for a verdict before deciding whether a man should be avoided means ignoring that the vast majority of rapists don't go to trial and then most of them get off.

The justice system is the least worst option we have, but it is not fit for purpose at all in regards to sexual offending. Pretending women can 'wait for a verdict' then make up their minds is laughable.

If a friend tells me to avoid a certain man, I avoid him. I believe her. Because in 99% of cases she's right and he will never see justice.

Where did you read this? Is there a more detailed report somewhere? In the report I read, the coroner said that it was a male friendship group that had done the confronting and shunning.

Surely the same applies in any case? Men are always being told to more to prevent sexual harassment/abuse, right? Then when they do it’s suddenly cancel culture.

I find this an odd comment. Nowhere have I said that man should not be involved in fighting sexual harassment and abuse. I think that they should.

I questioned what may (or may not, I have not read the inquest notes, only newspaper reports) be an incorrect interpretation of the facts of this particular case.

Is the 'cancel culture' explanation about a phenomenon in universities to ostracize friends for having opinions they don't like?

I've heard there is a lot of deplatforming in universities where students get speakers and sometimes lecturers 'cancelled' for holding alternate opinions.

I wonder if this kind of behaviour is common amongst university friendship groups and that's what the coroner is referring to.

Sorry, I know I was just meaning the issue remains the same whether it was the male or female friends, wasn’t trying to have a go at you or anything!

Surely it's more about the wider implications of cancel culture. The way these days you can't come back from mistakes etc..

People are and should aways be free to withdraw their friendship for any or even no reason.

I think this is a bit different though. I’m no fan of the kind of cancel culture where if you don’t, say, agree that a trans woman is an actual woman or you vote labour instead of conservative, you’re ostracized, but this isn’t that. It’s people believing their friend and making a decision if they still want to associate with someone who has hurt them.

Young women should be able to talk with their friends about a situation that’s worrying them, without their friends heading off to do rough justice as a result.

Can you imagine how you would feel if you had tried to explore how you felt about something and work out how to deal with it and the person you confided in organised a lynchmob?

That’s misogyny in itself. She deserved the opportunity to process her feelings and decide what steps to take for herself.

I think this is a lovely comment, and I think it likely they would have forgiven him, because he was remorseful: it's so sad that they never got the chance.