Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

As long as it doesn't turn into a regular thing and she learns her lesson. No harm done. I'm waiting for her to wake up then we can have a chat.
We can't afford to move. And she'll be off to uni in the next couple of years.

She's always good at letting me know where she is. We have life 360 ( her account she insists on it) so I can see where she is.
I'm more concerned if she was spiked as I've never seen her that passed.

@LiquoriceAllsorts2 from experience it's gratefully received as it isn't something they get often. Add a box of biscuits or chocolates and they'll be really happy

I'd chalk this up to experience but make sure when she gets her first pay packet she gives you &60 to keep in an envelope as emergency taxi money.

Fair enough. Then sounds like a nice idea

I feel a bit sorry for her actually. Living somewhere really remote with parents who don’t drive must be really hard!

OP has already explained that neither she nor her DH can drive for medical reasons. The fact that being unable to drive is being treated as a major personal failure is ridiculous.

I'm sorry @teacoffeeorpassthegin but I whole heartily agree with @MuffinDadoCappuccino .

But if this becomes a regular occurrence I'd probably come down a bit harder

The MOST important thing is she doesn’t loose her phone and can call you for help if and when needed whether home or uni. The dangers of being so out of it don’t need to be re told. I hope she is ok today.

At her age you need to be prioritising your relationship with your daughter. Punishment won't do anything other than risk damaging the relationship.

Does your husband punish you when you mess up? Or does he talk to you like an adult? I hope it's the latter and that he can apply this approach to his adult daughter too.

@Angrymum22 and @skippy67 are another pair that can't understand a simple paragraph.

OP if you can afford the taxi i'd probably just have a little chat once she's awake and feeling better, maybe say she'll have to cover costs if it happens again. She was in a vulnerable position and the fact she called you is what is important here!

How can you consider punishing an 18 year old for getting pissed? She's an adult. However I would expect her to pay for the cost of the taxi.

Haven’t read the whole thread but my gut reaction to the question was that whatever you decide to do make sure that she 100% knows (and believes) that in what ever situation she finds herself in in the future that she can call you for help. If she’s too scared to face the consequences of calling you then an already bad situation could get a lot worse. I saw a post recently that described a 20 year old as a 2 year old adult - which means your 18 year old is a newborn. Really made me think

She owes you the taxi money, and she needs a talk about personal safety, but otherwise the hangover is punishment enough.

That’s exactly my point, if you punish your adult child for getting drunk, they’ll never come to you when they’re in trouble. I didn’t say that’s what you would want, but it’s almost certainly the result.

She’s an 18 year old woman who got too drunk. What is there to punish?

I’d say chores or paying it back from her 1st pay check is probably a good idea.

unfortunately we’ve all been there and got a lot more pissed than we wanted to, she’s home safe and that’s the main thing. Good on the guys that looked after her in the pub.

A lot of factors can also influence level of intoxication- Tiredness, dehydration, How much she’s eaten etc which can make you a lot more intoxicated very quickly.

My daughter has just turned 18 so I know the worry all too well when she’s out now. I was an arsehole about the same age and I finally now understand the worry my parents had when I rolled home in some absolute states ☹️

Don’t humiliate her by insisting on a chat! She’ll already be mortified.

Bless her. We've all been there. No punishment. The hangover/embarrassment is punishment enough.
Hopefully she can earn the money somehow to pay you back

I’d cut her some slack but she owes you £60 which she can repay in chores if she doesn’t have any money

well all been idiots when drunk (not suggesting she was an idiot). By and large, we grow out of it

You've obviously not read the reasons why they don;t drive. Plus a lot of people can't afford to run a car.

Even if they could drive, they might well have decided to share a bottle of wine on a Friday evening themselves like a lot of people, thinking their DD was only at the cinema, then they wouldn't be able to drive anyway.

18 year olds need to start learning some responsibility for their own actions. I have an 18 year old and he has done stuff like this, obviously we helped him, but he knows it was his own choices that led to it.

As for rural living, some people weigh up the option of reduced public transport against high crime rates in towns/cities. The DD knows where she lives (as does my DS!) therefore if they make their own plans they need to factor in getting home. But stuff happens, they're still young and learning.

This.

What is your DH wanting to do, ground her?!

Do teenagers who live in towns and cities with parents who drive never get drunk then? Think mine missed that memo. Sure it was harder for the OP to get to her DD, but that's not the point at issue, is it? DD was probably a lot safer being looked after in village pub than wandering around city streets.

I may be the only one on MN that sympathises with your DD.
I hope that she had a great night.
A hangover only lasts for a day.
Memories last forever.
😉😁😁.

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I was thinking what @RunningOutOfImaginitiveUsernames said - I do drive, but on a Friday night while my adult child was at the cinema, I would almost certainly have drunk wine myself, so I wouldn't have been able to pick her up anyway.