Drunk teenager- punishment or not?

[Stressedgiraffe]

Dd 18 last night went out to the cinema after college and ended up horrendous shit faced.
The plan was for dh to meet her off the bus and walk her home. We live in a village with hourly bus in evenings
She missed her stop and ended up in the next village.
Luckily there was a pub next to the busstop and they gave her water and security waited with her till the next bus back to us.
The bus driver refused to let her on.
So this resulted in a panic to get a taxi to collect her.
We don't drive so I ended up getting a £60 taxi to collect her. For a 5 min drive . As it needed to be paid from our city to our village to where she was and back.
Dh thinks she should be punished but I don't know. She doesn't have a job but has an interview next week.
I'm just glad she got home safely
What should we do?

I have boys but we have always said that if they can’t get home then we’ll cover a taxi no matter what. They’re always pretty responsible but there’s always a chance things can go wrong (losing their mates, getting wasted)
And we live in a town with a lot of instances of drunk lads falling in to the river so we want to make sure they’re getting home safely.

We’re slightly rural but there are reliable taxis luckily.

I think particularly with girls and you not driving, there needs to be an agreed safety net of a taxi covered in case of emergency. It’s expensive but I’m sure she’ll help cover the cost when she can. She definitely doesn’t need to be punished though.

She’s £18? She’s owes you the taxi fare and that’s it really. You can let her know your annoyed, the money, embarrassment and hangover will work better than any punishment.

Learning to drive won;t help if she goes out for a drink unless her and her friends all share and have a designated driver (not drinking that night ) and do a rota of who does it thiis time and drops everyone at home .
Or you run the risk of her drinking and driving .
It would be in her interest to learn to drive for day-to-day life .

I spend my teenage years in a rural location, then moved to a big city (much better)
I tell my DC how lucky they are where we are , night buses , taxis etc , if need be I will collect them

I'd let her have this one guilt free as a one off.

She's 18, learning her drinking boundaries.

And you want to have a relationship where she's not scared to contact you for help if it did happen again

She is an adult do you and your husband get punished too? Are you aware she's an adult.

I'd say she owes you £30 and an apology but that's it really

She pays for the taxi either in actual cash or by doing extra stuff around the house.

She’s an adult, you can’t punish her with chores! 😂 you can however tell her to take responsibility by paying back the taxi money once she has a job.

This. Having no car is beyond your dd’s control and to have not run into issues until now is really good going. She is clearly a resourceful and self reliant young woman. No way would I punish your dd or even expect her to pay for a taxi. This is something incredibly minor in the scheme of things. If you didn’t want to have the occasional issue around lifts / taxis as parents it is essential to live in a well connected area or drive.

“show me one person who, at one time of another, has not got very drunk”

(points to self)

I think the daughter should pay back the taxi fare.

but this IS the first time. I'm sure if OP has said it had happened multiple times the responses would be very different.

Well she doesn't drive either-is that Op's fault?

Stupid thing to do but we’ve all been there. I wouldn’t punish her. Chalk it up to experience. Better that she rang you and got home safe than put herself in danger.

if you live so rural tho I think you should learn to drive.

Don’t punish her. She’s 18, she’s learning how to handle alcohol .Most of us have been there at some point.
just be glad she is safe

It was a mistake, she missed her bus stop. Obviously because of your location that's a very expensive mistake. But if it was a kid in the city missing your stop would only divert you by a few minutes. These things do happen.
You should tell her she can pay you back for the taxi in installments once she's got a job. And tell her if it happens again she'll need to pay her own taxi. Or walk. But I wouldn't be reading her the riot act over it. Paying back the fare is enough of a consequence I think.
On a side note, could she not have got a taxi from the village where she was waiting at the pub? I guess maybe there was no closer taxi firm?

She wouldn’t be able to afford a car and her parents don’t have one either. So yes, it’s op’s ‘fault’ that there is no car available. As for her being able to drive I can’t answer that question.

Well we don’t know if she drives or not. That’s irrelevant as she had been drinking.

I can't believe a taxi for a 5 minute journey cost £60, but whatever.

You and DP need to learn to drive for a start. I can't imagine not being able to go and get my children if they were in trouble. It's ridiculous that you can't drive.

Her hangover will be punishment enough for her.

EDIT: Also, just realised the ridiculousness of what I've said. Punishment? She's an adult! You don't and can't punish adults for goodness sake.

Agree. You chose to live somewhere where it’s more challenging despite not driving, it’s fair enough that you occasionally cover taxis for her.

I think it’s good for her to learn to drive as it is an important life skill and might be necessary for working.
however, I wouldn’t be linking it to this incident and she wouldn’t be driving when drinking anyway and she should be able to go out and have a drink and not be made to feel like she has to drive as she knows how.

It happens
A thank you card for the pub staff and pay you back for the taxi or swap it for chores she wouldn't usually do

My dad has always said to ring if I'm in trouble no questions asked, I did when I was 19 and getting cash outside a nightclub when a shooting started
It was the early hours of the morning and he wheel spun into that carpark like something out of fast and furious

Might also be worth having a code word, we use it for escaping situations, emergencies, anything. I can text or call with it and it means help now. Sounds daft but it's easier to text "can you feed the rabbit for me" rather than "I need to get out this situation"

A thank you card for the pub staff is cringey, don’t do this.

if you want to thank them then just do that by spending money - going there for a meal/drinks.

What a terrible idea. Regardless of your child’s “mistakes” they should never feel that they can’t call you.

My DS was spiked a couple of years ago, fortunately a friend put him in a taxi thinking he was drunk ( he’d only had a couple of pints), but when he arrived home he put his hand through a pane of glass in our front door. Initially we were pretty annoyed but quickly realised he was more than just drunk. He is a funny drunk who can easily cope with 12 pints and still stroll up our drive after a night out, not that this is anything to be proud of.
DS had texted me but I was asleep, he couldn’t work out how to call. His texts were unreadable, had I seen them I’d have been straight into town looking for him.

At no point did I consider that the episode was punishable. in addition telling your child that they are on their own if they do it again is incredibly dangerous. They should always feel that they can contact you if they are in trouble.

The OP’s DD may not have been intentionally drunk or could have been spiked, it’s very difficult to differentiate. I’m sure she will have learned a valuable lesson. But discouraging your child from contacting you in the future leaves them open to all sorts of potential risks.
I’m not suggesting that you are a constant taxi service, but that one time they may really need your help and you’ve cut off that lifeline could end up in disaster.

Agreed but some medical conditions exclude driving so those parents will be very hamstrung 😕

A discussion about personal safety is the way to go here OP.
She left herself very vulnerable and that is what would have made me upset at her.

But at this age, how you deal with things directly impacts when she will turn to you.