Christmas and a Muslim husband .. help!

[AmberHiker]

Hello everyone I’d really like some outside perspective because I’m literally drained from going around in circles with my husband .

He is a born Muslim. He is on and off with the level of practising but mainly sticks to the key principles of Islam but has not been praying for some years now . I am a revert. I am not a ‘ practising ‘ Muslim but I believe in Islam and what it stands for .

we have a 8 year old son and I have older kids who aren’t Muslim. For the past 11 years I’ve changed up Christmas but not given it up as for me it was never about the relegious aspect it was about the feeling , the gift giving and decorating the home plus enjoying all the foods and so on. With our son I still decorate the home and we exchange gifts a few days before Christmas. He is aware of who god is to him and to us and what we believe in.

my husband has really been giving me a hard time over recent weeks . He has stated I’m a Christian which I’m not and that I’m acting just like one . He refuses to agree that for me I’ve never linked Christmas to religion and he’s never seen me do it. He keeps going into massive tantrums pointing out I’m showing our son the wrong way . This is making me upset as I don’t feel we have much to look forward too in the uk and Christmas is a nice time of year. I enjoy the festivity and owe it to my older grown children to share with them.

when I point out that he is not doing anything that would identify him as a Muslim to me if I didn’t know him he gets offended. He is not practising not praying not fasting but is determined to take this away from me and our son. like I said if he was devout I could understand the possible problem by example having a tree in the house decorated but he isn’t and the whole thing seems so stupid .

for context he was previously married to a devout Christian who taught and showed him about Christmas ( this is where I think he has the impression it’s for relegious people ) and during their marriage Christmas a big thing in their home too, but so was bacon and alcohol. If I was to ask him was he a Muslim where he was married to her he would say yes he was yet that was allowed to happen …

sorry for the rant but all I do is share some gifts and decorate the home yet it’s a constant battle any mention of the c word and boom it’s a argument. He said I should spend the same effort showing our son about Islam but when I pointed out it’s his job as the man to lead he said he doesn’t have time to show him.. 😂

am I wrong to not give it up

@Mvslimah do those celebrations take place in the darkest point of the year when the sunshines for least amount of time? In the middle of a dark miserable winter??

It really isn't, unless you mean a pagan event.

Muslims do take part in Xmas stuff. There are halal turkeys available in halal shops and plenty of Muslim families get together on the day.
Your dh is being mean seeing as he's hardly religious.

@stargazerlil Or do you suggest this family is to be a dictatorship run by him and based purely on his needs or a democracy where each individuals opinions are taken into account?

This poster does take the incredibly hard line stance that islamically the husband does get to dictate exactly what happens in his family and where his wife strings some fairy lights. Despite the fact that he doesn’t practice a single thing from his Islam faith.
Seems like a get out of jail card to tell your wife what to do really.
Funny how that’s the one and only aspect he has taken from his faith! Too busy to teach his son for the last 8 years but not too busy to control his wife.

Mate I’m not hardline at all…

im a revert too and I actually have the opposite problem to OP, my husband wants the decs up.

weve had to compromise by visiting family and doing an x mas of sorts there.

but strictly speaking the the husbands stand on Xmas in this scenario is the correct one islamically and whilst he’s a hypocrite for not practicing in other aspects of his life, he is still right on the permissibility of Xmas

I have read all the comments and would just like to add. As hard-line as @Mvslimah may sound, she is actually correct.
As Muslims we are not meant to celebrate Christmas or Easter etc etc. I want to add this as some Muslims do not even know this.
There are many posters who have mentioned that they know/ knew so-and-so Muslims who put up Christmas trees, gave presents etc but in truth, they have gone against islamic teachings.
Having said that, we are all human and make mistakes and sin.
"He without sin, cast the 1st stone" and all that.
Now the part for the OP. There are a few things to think about here. 1 being that she is a revert, so obviously it will always be harder to give up traditions, upbringings etc .
2 Her older kids are not muslim. 3 She herself is not even practising and nor is her husband. The husband aspect is a big deal. He should try to better himself 1st before trying to better her. Also as he married a revert, he would or should have at least known that there would be issues and thought of how to combat them without dictating. So as it stands, he cannot expect her to give this all up so easily if at all. The only thing he can do now is to pray that they see eye to eye.

If he wanted someone more practising, he should have chosen someone more practising from the start.

Are you talking about Eids? If so, They are based on the lunar calendar so at times they can be in the middle of winter

How can anyone be right on bringing joy into the house at the darkest time of year?..

Because Xmas isn’t the only way to bring joy.

I've Muslim pals who celebrate Christmas with me, one year I bought a halal turkey from my local halal butcher.
I'm atheist but love celebrating any holiday that I can give gifts and show love through cards/food.
I dont have a reason to celebrate eid but I always have boxes of dates for my delivery drivers who are predominantly Muslim and homemade baked good for neighbours and friends.

Religion aside, in a world of lots of pain and uncertainty, any excuse to show kindness and love and get fairy lights a belly full of mince pie is much appreciated ♥️

Why do you assume I’m the less practising ? I’ve fasted 19 hour long days in the summer with a toddler while he’s slept for the majority waking up for the final 4/5 hours … it’s me who’s brought Islamic books for the house, it’s me who’s paid planned and put together every Eid for the previous years …

So after all that, despite you repeating several times that Muslims absolutely don’t celebrate Christmas, it turns out a portion of them to or at least want to including your own husband?

My muslim husband bloody loves Christmas! He cooks for the entire (non-Muslim) family.
he sees it as a tradition of the country he currently lives in. Teaching the kids about Islam is on him, as he knows

no it’s not that Muslims as individuals don’t it’s that according to our religion Muslims don’t ie Muslims shouldn’t. But many Muslims do things that they shouldn’t do through either ignorance, apathy or mental gymnastics. But the simple truth is Muslims shouldn’t celebrate Christmas.

to speak of my own husband, he too doesn’t want the religious bits it’s the whole commercial shenanigans he gets a bit sucked into. But it still doesn’t change the fact that if you believe in Islam then you shouldn’t. If you don’t, then have at it fill your Santa boots

@Mvslimah so at the darkest point in the year, what do you do??

My mistake. I assumed you both weren't practising but it seems I am wrong. I did not think he was more practising but just that as he was born in a Muslim household, probably did more islamic things out of habit.
I have revert friends and some of them have mentioned that their husbands did some islamic things without realising they were islamic. I think i associated this with you too but happy to be corrected.

You said in your op that you’re not practicing

Are we pinning this down to a specific date?

or are you specifically asking me what I do on Xmas day and Boxing Day?

Honestly, your husband is being a jerk.

I'm from a Catholic background and not religious at all but enjoy celebrating Christmas. My husband is Muslim and relatively practicing (fasts, prays most prayers most days). He has no problem whatsoever with decorating the house, inviting friends for Christmas events, talking about Santa with our DS and exchanging gifts with my family.

We also celebrate Eid with friends and family, fast at Ramadan, and have books about Islam at home. We celebrate in both traditions and it's no big deal.

Does your husband have form for being controlling in other areas of your life? Because it really sounds more like he is trying to take away something that you care about than that he is acting out of religious conviction.

Wow, sanctimonious much? Most real Muslims wouldn't care either way.

Why would you stop someone putting up a tree, giving presents to children and visiting family?

But then I wouldn't convert for a man any way.

There is “celebrating Christmas” and “celebrating Christmas” ….

I would be sure that if there are no Christian prayers, rituals, no bible reading, no church, no nativity scene … no reference to Jesus being born, no angel on the tree, no manger etc ….. then it’s not a religious celebration. A person is only celebrating another religion if they are actually doing religious observances, rituals etc. (using logic)

Your family does “winter holiday” and gifts. Is that breaking the rules?

If the December holiday is not allowed, then no Halloween, no Lindt bunnies, no Cadbury eggs, no jelly beans, no guy fawkes, no Valentine’s , no St Georges, no Mothering Sunday … all are Christian and/or symbolic of Christianity in a Christian way.
IMO

Hey! That’s a vile comment.

#1 she is a real Muslim
#2 who nominated you are the spokesperson for Islam and Muslims? You can’t speak on our behalf.
#3 who converted for a man? Nice little jibe there

google is free. Google ‘is celebrating Christmas permissible in Islam’ and you’ll have your answer.

this isn’t being hardline. I don’t think we’d call a Jewish person hardline for celebrating Purim and yom kippur over Christmas and Easter

Oof. It's such a shame when organised religion divides people like this.

I don't think that's what the underpinning philosophical beliefs of any faith (or any benevolent god worth worshipping) can possibly have intended.

A bit too much focus on dogmatic rules and a bit too little on the spirit of the teachings causes an awful lot of strife, in my humble opinion!

I hope your family managed to recapture the joy in all your celebrations!

@Mvslimah well I was married to a Muslim man and have lived in 2 Muslim countries. We always celebrated Xmas and I haven't changed my religion.

This has nothing to do with religion and everything to do with a controlling man who wants to put his foot down 'cos he can.

I don't like being referred to as an Unbeliever or whatever the phrase like people who are not Muslims are somehow lesser people. So perhaps have a think about how "reverts" address others.