Christmas and a Muslim husband .. help!

[AmberHiker]

Hello everyone I’d really like some outside perspective because I’m literally drained from going around in circles with my husband .

He is a born Muslim. He is on and off with the level of practising but mainly sticks to the key principles of Islam but has not been praying for some years now . I am a revert. I am not a ‘ practising ‘ Muslim but I believe in Islam and what it stands for .

we have a 8 year old son and I have older kids who aren’t Muslim. For the past 11 years I’ve changed up Christmas but not given it up as for me it was never about the relegious aspect it was about the feeling , the gift giving and decorating the home plus enjoying all the foods and so on. With our son I still decorate the home and we exchange gifts a few days before Christmas. He is aware of who god is to him and to us and what we believe in.

my husband has really been giving me a hard time over recent weeks . He has stated I’m a Christian which I’m not and that I’m acting just like one . He refuses to agree that for me I’ve never linked Christmas to religion and he’s never seen me do it. He keeps going into massive tantrums pointing out I’m showing our son the wrong way . This is making me upset as I don’t feel we have much to look forward too in the uk and Christmas is a nice time of year. I enjoy the festivity and owe it to my older grown children to share with them.

when I point out that he is not doing anything that would identify him as a Muslim to me if I didn’t know him he gets offended. He is not practising not praying not fasting but is determined to take this away from me and our son. like I said if he was devout I could understand the possible problem by example having a tree in the house decorated but he isn’t and the whole thing seems so stupid .

for context he was previously married to a devout Christian who taught and showed him about Christmas ( this is where I think he has the impression it’s for relegious people ) and during their marriage Christmas a big thing in their home too, but so was bacon and alcohol. If I was to ask him was he a Muslim where he was married to her he would say yes he was yet that was allowed to happen …

sorry for the rant but all I do is share some gifts and decorate the home yet it’s a constant battle any mention of the c word and boom it’s a argument. He said I should spend the same effort showing our son about Islam but when I pointed out it’s his job as the man to lead he said he doesn’t have time to show him.. 😂

am I wrong to not give it up

While I understand your sentiment, as Muslims we are obligated to guide our Muslim brothers and sisters - I’m sure any advice given from other Muslims on this thread is with good intentions.

It’s important to understand that Islam has a set of guidelines about the way Muslims should live their lives, and there are certain acts that actually take you out of the fold of Islam, so it is important we take heed of this and share this with fellow Muslims.

OP’s husband’s behaviour is wrong and it appears his views are more from a cultural standpoint than an Islamic one, and there also appears to be other issues aside from his religious/cultural beliefs at play, however it is also true that as Muslims we shouldn’t be celebrating Christmas - even if we have previously or if other Muslims do it.

A tenet of Islam is the beilef in Jesus as a prophet, what does he say about this?

What about pre christian cultural celebrations and beliefs, what does he think about those, the fact we have trees and yule logs are symbols of much older rituals and traditions. Can he reframe it this way?

It’s interesting that just about everything else in his life is “wrong” then but funnily enough the only thing he takes issue with is something that is enjoyable to the OP?
He doesn’t care about his religion when it comes to educating his son, or fasting, or even praying! But Op stringing a few fairy lights on a tree for 3 weeks a year is the one thing that takes it too far.

Celebrate Grinch Day

in honor or you Grinchy Husband

Its not just that either, the UK is a country which marks/celebrates/commemorates/feasts at what we call christmas. Not everyone wants to and no one should be made to if they dont want to, equally there shouldnt be an expectation that OP change, its her culture to mark it and she wants to bring up the kids that way too.

He can be away from it if he wishes but he doesnt get to control what others do.

Yes Islamically they are wrong. But yet all the Muslim families I know who do have a cultural Christmas also pray, fast, go to mosque, go on Hajj, make sure their children are well educated about Islam.

If the DH was a Muslim in more than name only we wouldn't be having this discussion.

He is obviously wrong for being lazy in those regards, it’s literally his duty to lead his household in matters of religion BUT two things can be true at the same time.

if I were the OP I’d be putting pressure on him to man up Deen wise and start practicing what he preaches.

but that being said on the matter of decorating for Christmas, he is right that Muslims shouldn’t do it, regardless if other Muslims do.

which is why I’ve suggested a few middle grounds

She is not a revert and has older dc who aren’t her DH’s. She’s been celebrating Christmas for 8 years, he doesn’t practise his religion and hasn’t minded for 8 years. He’s just being an arse.

Growing up with a practicing Muslim father and non-practicing Christian mother, Christmas was observed. Definitely as a cultural and festive occasion rather than any religious significance.

Your H needs reminding that Xmas in the UK is mainly a cultural festivity for the majority.

I don't see his problem personally - Jesus is a significant figure in Islamic theology, which also supports the nativity.

Give an inch and he'll take a mile - stick to your guns!

He's being an arse, I reckon. I used to lodge with a devout Muslim family when I was a student and although they were practising Muslims they had a Christmas tree and gifts for their kids.

Jesus is one of the prophets of Islam.

If he the adult Muslim of the family wants his son to Learn about said religion then he needs to take up the slack there and take son to mosque sometime & he DH is projecting his own shame of his lapsed faith on to you and trying to make you the scapegoat for his own lack of effort, taking it out on you and making you miserable.
Lazy bastard.
Get on with your Christmas and stuff him. Have a good one.

Tbh they are committing a larger sin Islamically speaking than Ops husband. Shirk, enjoining in a practice of another religion that puts partners with Allah.

She says in her OP that she’s a revert

Apologies to @Sundayrain99 ! My reading skills failed me, I’m sorry!

I'm Christian with loads of Muslim friends. We all do Christmas. We all do Easter. We all do Eids. In fact, as my Muslim friend once commented - her kids would do Purim if they knew anyone Jewish! We share our celebrations because we want to. And because kids love presents anytime!

But when we lose sight of what we can celebrate sharing, we lose an essential part of our humanity.

realistically, everyone celebrates the solstice, they just dress it up differently.

im an atheist. I am definitely marking the solstice. I am also surrounded by people celebrating Christmas and grew up in a Catholic family. It is culturally easier for me to mark the holiday with the trappings of Christmas and I am perfectly comfortable with that.

Views for a culture standpoint?! No he’s just being a dick.
don’t Muslims preach love above all else, so where’s the love in him putting the kybosh on the sparkly Christmas lights for the kids, the kids ain’t Muslims.

My Muslim friends have a Christmas tree and exchange gifts and have a family dinner. Friends say its great excuse to have family get together.
Christmas trees aren't religious - they are pagan

Paganism islamically is another religion

I really fail to see what the commercial Christmas has to do with Christianity. The vast majority of people decorate their homes in a secular way, buy gifts from their children from a fat bloke and eat a big meal. A secular Christmas is very much a thing and has as much to do with Christ as a sausage dog.

But surely do do get that even as a secular commercialised Christmas, it is a Christian celebration?

basically we have 2 Muslim holidays, Eid al fitr and al adha. Friday is an Eid day of sorts too, but those are the only holidays we can celebrate.

I doubt "Christ as a sausage dog" is a prophet in Islam, though.;)

What about the fact we live in a very Cold dark western country that has extremely long hard winters and Christmas is literally some fun to help break up the gloom. Cleverly started by our for father's and then added to and added to as time has gone on.

If you want it to be Christian you can. If you want it be fun and silly you can without anything Christian at all.

Most people I know take a bit of everything. I'm not Christian anymore but I enjoy the story of jesus beings born humbly in a stable, esp at a time of materialistic excess (which I very much enjoy).

K dislike this idea to that to do anything it's because you have to follow or believe something.

Quite. Joyless bastard.