Christmas and a Muslim husband .. help!

[AmberHiker]

Hello everyone I’d really like some outside perspective because I’m literally drained from going around in circles with my husband .

He is a born Muslim. He is on and off with the level of practising but mainly sticks to the key principles of Islam but has not been praying for some years now . I am a revert. I am not a ‘ practising ‘ Muslim but I believe in Islam and what it stands for .

we have a 8 year old son and I have older kids who aren’t Muslim. For the past 11 years I’ve changed up Christmas but not given it up as for me it was never about the relegious aspect it was about the feeling , the gift giving and decorating the home plus enjoying all the foods and so on. With our son I still decorate the home and we exchange gifts a few days before Christmas. He is aware of who god is to him and to us and what we believe in.

my husband has really been giving me a hard time over recent weeks . He has stated I’m a Christian which I’m not and that I’m acting just like one . He refuses to agree that for me I’ve never linked Christmas to religion and he’s never seen me do it. He keeps going into massive tantrums pointing out I’m showing our son the wrong way . This is making me upset as I don’t feel we have much to look forward too in the uk and Christmas is a nice time of year. I enjoy the festivity and owe it to my older grown children to share with them.

when I point out that he is not doing anything that would identify him as a Muslim to me if I didn’t know him he gets offended. He is not practising not praying not fasting but is determined to take this away from me and our son. like I said if he was devout I could understand the possible problem by example having a tree in the house decorated but he isn’t and the whole thing seems so stupid .

for context he was previously married to a devout Christian who taught and showed him about Christmas ( this is where I think he has the impression it’s for relegious people ) and during their marriage Christmas a big thing in their home too, but so was bacon and alcohol. If I was to ask him was he a Muslim where he was married to her he would say yes he was yet that was allowed to happen …

sorry for the rant but all I do is share some gifts and decorate the home yet it’s a constant battle any mention of the c word and boom it’s a argument. He said I should spend the same effort showing our son about Islam but when I pointed out it’s his job as the man to lead he said he doesn’t have time to show him.. 😂

am I wrong to not give it up

So if the Op had instead wrote that her husband has started to pray everyday over the last few months and reconnecting with his faith again, what would your advice be to the OP then? Would you then say no you shouldn't celebrate with your non Muslim children?

No. Why should the children be punished because of a parent's sudden newfound piety? I don't agree with making little kids fast for Easter, or attend Mass, or wear hijabs or those awful Mormon "modesty garments," or with sending kids to Sunday school, or with circumcising babies, or any of the other ways people inflict their religious beliefs on their kids who aren't old enough to decide for themselves. By all means share with them the pleasure of feast days, though!

I have never once said that Muslims are backward, that's your words. In fact all the Muslims I know personally are lovely, every one of them celebrate Christmas, almost all drink alcohol and a good few eat pork. They're all still Muslims and describe themselves as such.

On the subject of alcohol, I had a good laugh with my Muslim neighbour when putting the glass bin out last recycling day. Their one contained several wine bottles, while mine only had coffee jars. I felt so lame.😀

I think I might actually be hosting some of my Muslim friends this Christmas (mum + two nearly adult kids). I'm a Christmas loving atheist and the champagne will flow . Not definite yet though.
Spread the love ❤

But this is the problem, you are equating celebrating Christmas with being lovely.

and tbh given your disdain for their faith in surprised you associate with them at all. And please don’t say you don’t have disdain for Islam, you’re previous comments were deleted by mn hq for clear anti Muslim hatred

But how is not celebrating Xmas punishment? Talk about Christian/ western hegemony!

Islamically speaking he's the leader of the household.

Honestly I’d give up, this thread is full of non Muslims telling Muslims they are wrong and they can in fact celebrate Christmas because ‘it’s not Christian’ 🙄

Maybe Op should have thought about that before she reverted to Islam rather than now complaining about not being able to celebrate Christmas? Her children didn't write the Op, she did.

Because these children always have. So it's the withdrawal of an established and enjoyable tradition of theirs. It's different to a Muslim child who's just never done it.

Your problem is that you can't distinguish between Muslims per se and these particular Muslims in this particular mixed, barely observant family. OP isn't married to the ummah, she's married to a man who's celebrated Christmas for as long as she's known him.

I know some posters have insisted that he's the boss of the house and you have to bend to his will OP but it's entirely up to you what you want to do. You mentioned he's a taxi driver, he could just work all over Christmas, with his light up Santa hat for extra tips, earning the big Christmas bucks, while you and the kids have a great Christmas at home.
Christmas is a joyful time of year and welcomes everyone (even if some refuse it's warm welcome) and the more joy and love in the world the better

She married a man who had a history of celebrating Christmas well before she came on the scene, complete with pork and alcohol and already had Christian, Christmas celebrating children. If she had, it would've been more reasonable to think he'd carry on as he was than to think he'd suddenly get arsey about Christmas whilst doing fuck all to practice Islam or transmit it to any of his kids.

I think we would probably be considered the not so lovely Muslims because we practice our faith 🤣

I think it’s important to note for Ken that those Muslims are in the minority. We are not sorry if that hurts your feelings. Also why do you seem so happy for Muslims to be drinking alcohol, eating pork etc.. really weird..

@Mvslimah

" talk about western hegemony"

What a bizzare thing to say?

Would you say that in the middle of eid in Oman or Saudi???

Talk about middle eastern hegemony as they celebrate eid??

so what of children who’s parents have converted later in life? I don’t see this as different.

my husband took my kids trick or treating 2 years ago, I firmly forbade it last year and this… is that depriving them too?

you can’t or won’t recognise that people can change their minds, and he may have historically been ok with it and may have since realised that it is haram so may be looking to rectify this

Ken dod I agree.

He's not the boss of the house and no one has to capitulate to his will.. Everyone will survive and have a wonderful Xmas.. And in that short window before Partners come on the scene and so on you can enjoy these precious moments with your dc.
Let the joy suck go and work.

I would if the narrative was, ‘they are ok Christians/jews/hindus because they celebrate Eid’ or ‘they are one of the good ones because they fast Ramadan’ etc. If you were pressured to celebrate the festivals of the religion of the land when you were a minority in order to appease the masses and be ‘one of the good ones’ I absolutely would yes

@Mvslimah

Trick or treating is my dc best night of the year possibly more so than Xmas because it's interactive and they can run around with friends... It's like immersive theatre, they dress up and go to dressed up houses and interact.

Those children are being punished if their parents then prevent them from engaging in a cultural activity they previously enjoyed, yes. It's not complex. I don't know your children so I can't say whether this applies to them or not.

It's not about not recognising that people don't change their minds. It's about the fact that the parent changing their mind doesn't mean the child isn't suffering because of it. They're two different points.

If it will be easier for you to accept, we can use an example the other way. Where a child from a Muslim family who enjoy celebrating Eid has parents who convert to Christianity and then prevent the child from continuing to celebrate, yes that child is being deprived and punished because of the decisions of the parent. Regardless of how justified the parent might think it is.

Yes but you wouldn't call it middle eastern hegemony in a middle Eastern area which is Muslim surely? You wouldn't be surprised??

Of course it's depriving them, unless they didn't care.

Ok. I have missed out on a lot! I think it’s going round in circles a bit now.
The main points are, as I said above, as Muslims we are not meant to celebrate Christmas. Not even as a non religious event.
Many Muslims have different interpretations on this or even do not care. I have also in the past, exchanged gifts and cards etc but really I am not supposed to. I do try to do better now.
The takeaway from the OP is though that they are not very practising. She got annoyed ( I guess?) when I said this. But she has come back since saying she wants to celebrate Christmas and that her husband has celebrated in the Christmas festivities till now.
She also did initially mention they were both not very practising, although she is trying.
It is causing confusion in the sense that the husband does not seem to be following Islam much otherwise yet has stopped the record on Christmas. He also has gotten with at least 2 ladies that were/are Christian.
Obviously he’s a grown man as he has had children, so he should have seen this coming, that this 1 day may happen.
The OP also maybe should have reflected on the fact that 1 day he may decide to become more observant.
Either way it is done. There is nothing left to say as judging by the OPs posts, the OP does not want to back down on Christmas and it seems neither does he.
I think the only thing is either finding the middle ground or going your separate ways.
To be honest,I think if either of you were to back down, you would only feel resentment. It seems you are not on the same wavelength anymore.

Op if your still here, as other pp have said he needs to grow up and realise the world doesn't revolve around him and what he decides to do from one day to the next that affects his dc.
No.

I wouldn’t mind but my imaan isn’t the greatest rn and I’ve been neglected my Salah BUT I still know right from wrong. If OP was saying I keep peace with my family and visit them over the holidays and they give me gifts then that would be one thing but this is quite another.

i think this thread shows that Muslims are only ‘ok’ when they frankly aren’t very Muslim at all

Yep, let the fun sponge go to work and let the kids enjoy themselves as kids up and down the land will be doing