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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to object to the form of address that dd's grandfather (FIL) has chosen for himself?

128 replies

EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 19:40

Just to clarify, I am pretty sure I am BU but I just wanted to see if I was right. I don't want to be!

FIL has decided he wants to be called Papa. DH and I hate it with a passion. I think it's poncy and is something more suited to fathers than grandfathers anyway. DH hates it because it originated with the mother (his brother's wife) of his 4 year old niece and is therefore, her name for him not dd's.

DH has taken it up with his mother and was told it was up to them, not us.

I should point out that dd is only 15 weeks and, when asked, professed no preference either way.

What d'you think?

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 26/04/2008 19:42

thought it was gpoing to be olg git or something

er let him be is my thought i think the grandparent can choose i did

Cappuccino · 26/04/2008 19:42

ha ha

of course it is your decision

you just refer to him as whatever you want and dd will copy you

papa. what cock

zippitippitoes · 26/04/2008 19:43

i chose grandma now i have young sexy bf i wish id chosen zippi lolol

Original poster
EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 19:44

No Zippi, that's my name for him!

OP posts:
Remotew · 26/04/2008 19:44

Papa is the french for father, well it was in the car ads, Nicole and Papa. I'd be tempted to say grandad and let the little one call him what she likes when she can speak.

Does it bother you so much though, can you not just humour the old goat.

meep · 26/04/2008 19:45

I had a papa - so dd has a papa.
It is perfectly fine IMO.
Don't know if it is a Scottish thing - but is quite normal up here!
Weasked what each grandparent wanted to be called.
YABU

GreebosWhiskers · 26/04/2008 19:45

bit at papa - 'tis very poncy.

My mil sometimes tries to get the dcs to call FIL grampys 'cos that's what dh's niece calls him. I don't like that but thankfully dd & ds have opted for grandad

StarlightMcKenzie · 26/04/2008 19:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Iota · 26/04/2008 19:47

surely he has the right to choose what he is called even though you don't like it.

Wouldn't you hate it if someone called you by a nickname you didn't like?

LazyLinePainterJane · 26/04/2008 19:47

LOL. Capp is correct of course, you can train your child to call him whatever you want. May I suggest something suitably offensive.

meep · 26/04/2008 19:47

I promise you my Dad/dd's papa is anything but poncy - he is a wee cuddly Scottish man with a beard!

GreebosWhiskers · 26/04/2008 19:47

Don't think it's really a Scottish thing meep - we're Scottish too

Another one that dd1 & dd2 use for ex-FIL is dey (not entirely sure how it's supposed to be spelled).

doggiesayswoof · 26/04/2008 19:48

Papa is not poncy here (west of scotland)

My niece has a nana and papa. V normal.

(Depends how you pronounce it actually: PAA-pa is fine - pa-PAAA is for toffs)

dizzydixies · 26/04/2008 19:48

my grandfather was papa to me but not in a posh way or anything, more of a not being able to say grandpa thing

agree with meep quite common up here

my dad is papa to my girls but that was as a follow on kind of thing

I don't see it as poncy at all but we're used to it and I SWEAR not said in private school boy accent

its a farking PITA getting cards for too so be warned!

Heated · 26/04/2008 19:48

Is it up to them?

Because of northern roots some of dh's family use Mam-mar (well that's how it's pn) which I think is god awful. We have grandma, grandad and grandpa.

How about grandpa/gramps as a compromise?

BroccoliSpears · 26/04/2008 19:48

How does he want it to be pronounced?

Pahpah or P'parrr or Pahpuh or...?

zippitippitoes · 26/04/2008 19:48

myy dd knows i hate granny so she does say blow granny a kiss accompanied by evilcackle

nickytwotimes · 26/04/2008 19:49

It's very very common to call your grandpa Papa in Scotland, as has already been said.

GreebosWhiskers · 26/04/2008 19:50

Ah maybe it's more of a regional thing up here then - we're in the east of scotland & I've never heard anyone use papa, it's usually grandad or sometimes grampa.

nooname · 26/04/2008 19:50

Well I understand but I think it's up to the grandparents what they're called as they/re the ones who have to be called it for the rest of their lives!

I really wanted my dad to be grandpa so there was a difference between him and my fil who is grandad and also because I think it's nice. Buuut my dad was having none of it and has resolutely insisted on grandad so ds now has two grandads. Differentiating depends on how I'm feeling - often fat granddad and thin grandad! Will have to think up something more pc when ds is old enough to parrot it to them!

Anyway, I understand why you don't like papa but if fil wants it then why not? You'll soon get used to it and it won't seem weird any more. (My grandad was always called Pop and it totally was him...)

NineUnlikelyTales · 26/04/2008 19:51

Doggie when you say PAA-Pa do you mean Parper?

OverMyDeadBody · 26/04/2008 19:51

MY grandad always refered to himself as Grandpapa, and to be fair he was frightfully posh so it suited him, but all his grandchildren called him Grandad, he couldn't get us to ever call him Grandpapa

Flame · 26/04/2008 19:51

FIL chose Dad as that is what is done round there apparently... I have always found it odd, tried to do it, but now DD just seems to call him "Daddy's father" as DH always says to her "my father"

I'm with let him be - I would hate to have a name that I didn't like.

zippitippitoes · 26/04/2008 19:52

we had grandma in place she lives and grandma in place she lives

i am grandma tother old bint is grandma carol

Flame · 26/04/2008 19:52

Oh, my dad opted for Grumps - so my children have no official Grandad!!!