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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to object to the form of address that dd's grandfather (FIL) has chosen for himself?

128 replies

EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 19:40

Just to clarify, I am pretty sure I am BU but I just wanted to see if I was right. I don't want to be!

FIL has decided he wants to be called Papa. DH and I hate it with a passion. I think it's poncy and is something more suited to fathers than grandfathers anyway. DH hates it because it originated with the mother (his brother's wife) of his 4 year old niece and is therefore, her name for him not dd's.

DH has taken it up with his mother and was told it was up to them, not us.

I should point out that dd is only 15 weeks and, when asked, professed no preference either way.

What d'you think?

OP posts:
Original poster
EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 19:53

Oh bollocks, so most of you think I ABU. Sod it!

He's a pahpuh btw. Well, all things considered, I think we'll go with Starlight's suggestion. Children are soooo cute when they mispronounce words, aren't they?

OP posts:
meep · 26/04/2008 19:53

Oh god yes - it is definitely not P'Paahhhh - agree - v poncy. My Dad ia Pahpah

sallystrawberry · 26/04/2008 19:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Flame · 26/04/2008 19:54

DS is currently calling my mum Growl (Gran) I love it, I think she does too

OverMyDeadBody · 26/04/2008 19:56

meep my grandad was GrandP'Paarrrrrr

He refered to my parents to us kids as

M'Maaarrrrr ans P'Paaarrrrrr

We'd all snigger

Bless im.

rallywife · 26/04/2008 19:56

We are in north west Scotland and my mam and dad are nana and papa, FIL granda, my mother chose their names, my dad wanted to be called by his name as he reckons he is far to young to be a grandfather, aye right!!

doggiesayswoof · 26/04/2008 19:56

NineUnlikelyTales I suppose it would be 'parper' (tho not in a scottish accent cos I would say the rs )

Pahpuh is what I mean.

nickytwotimes · 26/04/2008 19:56
meep · 26/04/2008 19:57

GrandP'Paarrrrrr does sound frightfully grand - I can just imagine him - but bet he was cuddly too!

SquonkTheBeerGuru · 26/04/2008 19:57

when dd1 was born, my mum decided she wanted to be called Grandee ()

We all agreed and said what a fab idea!!!!

And proceeded to just say to dd1 "give that to grandma" and "ooh, look, grandma's come to visit"

She is now happy to be "grandma" to five grandkids.

Just tell him papa is a fab name, then ignore him.

allytjd · 26/04/2008 19:58

Yup, in scotland papa goes with nana, but only if you are working class,so, if you are middle class it sounds odd, but def' not poncey or posh. I don't like grandma or grandad as they sound English to me, its always been Granny and Grampa round my house, although my kids pronounce them 'Gurranny and Bampa'!

zippitippitoes · 26/04/2008 19:59

i used to call my dad pater as i was fan of molesworth lol

and mum mater

i was quite a precocious t*t

it got shoretemed to mattie an d pattie when i was a teenager

my kids ended up calling their dad poppy for the sane sort of convoluted reason

something fairly amusing about large teenage boy calling his dad poppy

cornsilk · 26/04/2008 20:00

I think it's a bit pretentious for grandparents to demand to be called anything different from granny/grandma etc.

GreebosWhiskers · 26/04/2008 20:00

Nickytwotimes - we've had lots of holidays in the west & there have been a few times where we've had communication problems

I love the west coast accents - ours always sounds really harsh in comparison.

Original poster
EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 20:01

Funny that, we have a Scottish surname but 'Papa' is unaware of any Scottish roots at all so he can't claim that as an excuse!

OP posts:
meep · 26/04/2008 20:01

lol at zippi!

MadamePlatypus · 26/04/2008 20:01

I agree with others - you can train your child to call grandparents whatever you want. Perhaps unfair on GP's, but generally true.

GreebosWhiskers · 26/04/2008 20:02

Am lolling at Bampa - that's brilliant

Orinoco · 26/04/2008 20:02

Message withdrawn

dizzydixies · 26/04/2008 20:05

best friends dp's parents refused to be known as anything other than their first names to her son and have remained firmly that since he was born almost 8 yrs ago

then again she does firmly live in the 80s and dresses like lilo lil so no doubt granny wouldn't suit all the animal print

agree with squonk ignore it and train dc into calling them something else if you don't like it

bubblagirl · 26/04/2008 20:05

i had a grand pop and we loved calling him this

i think its only fair if you dont like a name i dont see anything wrong if you dont like papa ask what other name he would like as your not to keen on that one

pinkyminky · 26/04/2008 20:09

I was a bit upset my mum didn't want to be nana- we have always had nanas in our family, but my mum is a contrarypants and had to be called grannie so we have gone along with it. I'd just leave him to it. I did object when my FIL introduced himself to my DS by his first name, like he was just some random relation,but otherwise I think you have to go along with their choice. You could just keep 'getting it wrong' and see if he relents.

mummypig · 26/04/2008 20:10

Also agree that you can train your children to use whatever name you decide on. My mum refused to be called 'Grandma' when her first grandchild was born. I think it made her feel old, plus it reminded her of her ex MIL. So my niece ended up calling her 'Nanny [first name]'. But to me, a nanny is someone you pay to look after your kids, not a grandparent. I taught my kids to call her 'Grandma [first name]'. She's used to it now.

Similarly dp's mum didn't want to be called the same name as her MIL had been called by her kids, but that's what she ended up as.

BroccoliSpears · 26/04/2008 20:13

My daughter has a Danny and Bampa. All her own work!

NutterlyUts · 26/04/2008 20:15

My cousins have a gran and a stig :D