Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to object to the form of address that dd's grandfather (FIL) has chosen for himself?

128 replies

EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 19:40

Just to clarify, I am pretty sure I am BU but I just wanted to see if I was right. I don't want to be!

FIL has decided he wants to be called Papa. DH and I hate it with a passion. I think it's poncy and is something more suited to fathers than grandfathers anyway. DH hates it because it originated with the mother (his brother's wife) of his 4 year old niece and is therefore, her name for him not dd's.

DH has taken it up with his mother and was told it was up to them, not us.

I should point out that dd is only 15 weeks and, when asked, professed no preference either way.

What d'you think?

OP posts:
LissyD · 26/04/2008 20:15

My friends grandaughter calls her "matriarch" which at first I found weird, but now it seems to work. They are a mainly female family, so I think it works for them. We've stuck with grandma, grandad, Granny, another grandad, grandpa for my grandad, nana for my nana and great grandma for dhs grandma.

lljkk · 26/04/2008 20:18

YABU.
I think Papa sounds sweet.
So what if it's your niece's invention? That makes it all the more special to your FIL, and a kind of family tradition. My grandparents both had names (we grandchildren all called them) that had been made up by just one of my cousins. For the life of me, I can't figure out why this would be a bad thing...

Original poster
EyeballsintheSky · 26/04/2008 20:22

LOL, I could suggest stig...

I suppose it could be worse. My niece (5) has two grandads so she differentiates by calling my dad Silly Grandad.

OP posts:
JennyWren · 26/04/2008 20:29

If you really don't like it, I would just refer to him as Grandpa (at least when he can't hear you ). We wanted my Dad to be Grandpa to be known as Grampy (so that we could all tease him as being Grumpy Grampy!). But DD just couldn't/wouldn't say it and christened him Papa as soon as she could talk - we, and he, had no say in it at all. And it suits him, and now we wouldn't change it for the world - he has kind of grown into the name, as a baby does in a way.

cat64 · 26/04/2008 20:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

minster · 26/04/2008 20:37

My kids have a Papa (Pahpah) as well as a Grandad, Grandpa, Grannie & Grandma. I think it's pretty much up to them what they want to be called.

We had a standoff between MIL & my mum over who got to be grandna - MIL gradually became Grannie which she's happy with now. Both refused all variations of Nanny/Nana, can't blame them as it's awful.

Caz10 · 26/04/2008 20:43

west of scotland here too, and I would agree that the nana and papa combination is actually LESS posh here than granny and grandpa. My IL's are nana and papa and my parents are granny and grandpa (dd only little, so I guess she may christen them something different when she can talk!) and it makes dh and I snigger a bit as we always say my parents are posher and this just bears it out. It is most definitely not poncey here!

soapbox · 26/04/2008 20:45

My father was Papa (west of Scotland too). I liked it - it was easy for DD to say when she was little - sadly he died before DS was old enough to talk.

Beetroot · 26/04/2008 20:46

what us wrong with cALLIN GHIM what he wants you to?

poor man

itsahardknocklife · 26/04/2008 20:49

YANBU in my opinion.
My FIL's wife (they have only been together three years, after DH's mother died 6 years ago) just took it upon herself that she would be 'nana'. I object bitterly to it and make a big deal of calling her by her name in front of DS, who is 18 months old. I feel that she really should have asked first. Yes, my son will view her as a grandmother, but I think that, considering DH's mother died not long before, his feelings should have been taken into consideration.

pantiesandsussies · 26/04/2008 20:51

when dh neice was born dh's Nanna, who was a sarcastic old soul, started calling her son (dh's dad) granpapa as a mickey take. It stuck, then it got shortened to granpaps by the time dd was born. Mind you it was a good job, because when dd was born she had 4 great grandmothers a great grandfather, two step grandmothers, a step grandfather, two grandmothers, two grandfathers. And then, when dh's 'other' grandmother died she gained a step great grandmother.
Actually the hardest bit was when his Gran died and thinking of a new name for the new step great grandmother. DH, was adement she was not to be called Gran or anything like that. He said call her by her real name, which I found difficult (as it was disrespectful imo) so I sugested Mrs X, He hated that as it was his Grans name too iyswim.
Soo, dd started calling her Kipper which is what she thought her GreatGrandad was calling her ... he was in fact calling her Kidder. To make it worse all of DH's family thought it was so funny (because she stank of pee) that they all called her Kipper too.

marina · 26/04/2008 20:51

I really thought this was going to be something along the lines of Ol'DirtyBastard or something

I think YABU but surprisingly mellow considering you are the mother of a 15 week old baby and therefore probably shattered

scottishmummy · 26/04/2008 20:53

sorry but just call him papa seems the real bone of contention isnt the name it's something else...family dynamics etc. so address that rather than get in a fankle about a name

papa ime commonly used in W and E Scotland

alicet · 26/04/2008 20:53

Only read OP...

Have to say that it isn't up to any of you except dd - she will call him what she calls him! Ds calls both grandparents papa and it hasn't come from us or them - maybe it will change as he gets older, maybe not!

MrsWeasley · 26/04/2008 20:55

FIL chose to be called Granpy but kids call him grumpy

pointydog · 26/04/2008 20:56

Only read op so I'm sure you;ve been told, but papa is very very popular in Scotland. Promounced papa, and most definitely not papa

pointydog · 26/04/2008 20:56

I had a Papa, my dds have a papa. I love it

pointydog · 26/04/2008 20:57

And frankly, it's up to him more than you. It's going to be his name and he's an adult

ComeOVeneer · 26/04/2008 21:06

Count yourself lucky, my children have a maman, a pappy, a granny shar and a zadie adie!

evenhope · 26/04/2008 21:06

I had a grandma and grandad, and a gran and grandpa when I was a child, so we knew who was who.

DH's elder brothers already had children before us so the ILs were already called nanny and grandad. I hate "nanny" and I wasn't happy about FIL being grandad when my dad and my own grandad were called that- I thought it would be confusing. DD at 22 months old said "two grandads!" at DS1's christening, so obviously not

Nanny became Nan once my DCs got older and I hate that even more

Alambil · 26/04/2008 21:13

DS has a grandma, grandpa and nanna (nanna is his great-grandmother)

My cousin's kids call their granddad "pops" which I think is quite sweet.

Can't see a problem with papa or paps myself, but it is up to you (as dc will copy whatever you say) I think ... so yanbu but maybe making something out of nothing?

ElizabethBeresfordSW19 · 26/04/2008 21:16

Depends how you say it. PaPAW or PAPPa. I like PAPPa. But he's not your PAPPa. Just call him Jim or Bob or whatever his name is.

bozza · 26/04/2008 21:19

I always called my grandparents Grandma and Grandad and then added their Christian name if I needed to distinguish. This has followed on with my own children. MIL wanted to be Granny and I did try to respect this (but was in a minority because DH, FIL etc didn't bother) and she ended up as a Grandma M too. And because mine are the first grandchildren on both sides all the nephews do the same thing also.

dizzydixies · 26/04/2008 21:19

ours if def PAPPa

we've got a granda, nanny, grannie and PAPPa and a Belle

don't ask

bozza · 26/04/2008 21:19

When DS was born he had (inc. greats) 3 Grandmas and 4 Grandads.

Swipe left for the next trending thread