to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

It's 20 minute maximum every other day. Not much to ask really.

Why don't you give her a set time slot, so she can't just bowl up.

It's horrible having no hot water, so if you can help her out it would be a nice thing to do. Maybe she asked you because she thinks you are a nice person

Having said that, I've been in this situation and wouldn't have dreamt of asking my neighbour. My neighbour was an absolute cunt though.

Yes. I’ve done similar for neighbours in the past, not so much around here yet as fairly recently moved, but at our previous house. I was a community responder during the height of the pandemic. Various things. But apparently, I’m an awful person generally ☺️

Presumably you VOLUNTEERED to be a community responder? This woman is asking for a favour, so the request is being brought to you, rather than you signing up for something you want to do.

The litmus test, I suppose, is whether you would do a kindness for a neighbour that doesn't particularly take your fancy but would mean a lot to someone in a tricky situation.

Yes this. 😂😂😂

Come on all those who are quick to volunteer OPs shower and time, where are you all based. We will have OPs neighbour sorted in no time.

Sure. I'm in Birmingham. PM me if relevant, OP.

Excellent. Anyone else?

The thing is people tend to disappear. We’ve had people say they’ll help others out before and then mysteriously disappear. Most people saying they would do it are chatting shite.

Other than perhaps saying that your water tank is tiny so there's only about 10 mins of decent hot water so she'll have to be fairly quick, and you'd prefer a specific time of day I'd happily agree to this.

Eye on the long game. What goes around comes around and in the grand scheme of things its not a huge ask. My washing machine blew up recently and it was a two week lead time on a replacement. Finding laundromats and the time to run around with a family level of weekly laundry was a huge headache. My sisters freezer recently crashed and burned and she had to call in favours to avoid losing the entire contents.

It's horrible having no hot water, so if you can help her out it would be a nice thing to do. Maybe she asked you because she thinks you are a nice person

She does have hot water. It’s her shower that’s not working,not her boiler.

Preferably, yes.

I wouldn't be keen on this either- I'm a bit messy and disorganised I couldn't cope with having to let someone in my home that regularly haha but I've also been without a shower for 3 weeks and had to rely on my kind family and in-laws so I get it on her end too.

Double check if she has an insurance claim ongoing though- if she does then she'd be entitled to accommodation or even a pass to a gym to use the showers. while hers is out of use.

People have their own opinions of course, but saying no to such a request just strikes me as unnecessarily mean and selfish.

In the aftermath of some fairly major storms a few years ago our house was one of the few in the village which didn't lose power, it's on a different circuit or whatever to most of the houses round about so our lights stayed on.

I let neighbours charge phones/use the shower/ fill flasks etc because, well, why wouldn't you? Just gave them a towel and let them get on with it, and praise be, nobody got ill due to alien bodily runoff into our drains.

I'm older generation too, and I grew up with neighbours helping each other out all the time. Very much more than they do now.

One of our neighbours who only had an outside toilet, used to have a bath at our house once a week!

That was an actual emergency. Shower not working, when you still have hot water, is not an emergency.

Do they have to bring their own chairs and plates too?

Puts hand up if she's in Bedfordshire.

I really don't get the problem. I'm a very private person, but jeeze, I'd so appreciate this of it was me without hot water for a week, so would want to help.

It's the same principle though, of not being a bit of a selfish arsehole. I hope if the OP ever needs any help the neighbour tells them where to go too.

😮

For the gazillionth time, she has hot water. It’s her shower that’s not working, not her boiler.

the underlying issue that this (and so so so many other MN threads) shows is that:

People cannot have ordinary adult conversations.

Neighbour on a friendly dog walk with OP: oh Sharon my shower is broken and i can't get a plumber in for two weeks, any chance i could use yours every other day until then?

OP: oh sorry, i wouldn't feel comfortable with that

Neighbour: ok then, i thought i may as well ask, who knows.

It is very very simple.

YANBU if feel uncomfortable about it OP but I would let my neighbour to use my shower in these circumstances.

I think it's a really odd request and a bit cheeky. I wouldn't dream of using my neighbours shower.
I'm assuming she can still wash using hot water from a kettle or go to a friend or relative. Just say no, its not convenient for me right now.

well I'm in Germany, but sure, send her over.

praise be, nobody got ill due to alien bodily runoff into our drains.

that you know of. yet.

I wouldn't DREAM of asking a neighbour this. Surely she can just boil the kettle and wash with a flannel? It's not like she has no water, just no shower!

Good point
who knows what medical issues a stranger could have using the bathroom. 🤔

@BettyBardMacDonald

lol! Have friends over often do you??