to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

I'm pretty solitary, don't answer the door unless I'm expecting someone etc.., but I would have said yes to this.

I've been the single mother with a new born baby who had their water offline for a week.
I ended up knocking on the door of my nearest neighbour who barely knew me (I'd moved in a couple of weeks before) to ask if she would give me a couple of litres of water.

She offered to let me have a shower every couple of days, rinsed out a few 6 litre milk bottles to fill with water and dropped them to my door and told me to come back if I needed more.
She even said if they didn't get it fixed within a week to bring a load of washing round, but that didn't end up happening as it was sorted before I needed to.

I never forgot how much of a difference that made to a really difficult first few weeks with a tiny baby.

We still aren't friends, just smile as we pass each other by or maybe stop for a 2 minute chat at most, but stayed good neighbours and helped each other out on random occasions a few times over the years.

If you know her well enough to have given her your phone number, I'd say yes.
The goodwill will go on forever and you'll have genuinely helped someone who was stuck.

This post clearly shows how much of a selfish society we have become. It must have been quite hard for the neighbour to ask for this favour. I hope the OP never has to ask her for a favour of any description.

Haha, I wish.... As I have said, I am FAR from a sage. I'm quite grateful not to live in your world, though, @Bippy2024 , because people in mine much nicer.

I'd say no.

A broken shower doesn't mean you can't wash!

I'd be embarrassed to ask.

@GreengrassofW community is a bit of a vague term. There is close community which encompasses people you know very well, like family and friends, but also wider community, which are groups like your children's school, the people who work in the local shops, and yes, neighbours. But they are still just people I vaguely know. I'd do general things to benefit neighbours, for ex clearing the path during snow or taking a delivery or feeding their cat when they're on holiday. But that doesn't mean treating them the way I would family/friends.
That doesn't make people selfish or unkind.

No reason to think it was hard for her at all.

Another sainted member of the "Church of the Neighbourhood Sanctimums"

.

(*people in mine ARE much nice. I'm not writing like Yoda to sound like a "sage" 😂)

They will probably agree you're being ungenerous and mean here.

With respect, I honestly don't think it does reflect that. I think people generally want to help when they can and if the request is judged to be reasonable. I would gladly help this person in other ways but the request is a bit much! If they had asked to use it once or twice maybe, but this is excessive when there are alternatives available.

how do you know it "must have been quite hard for the neighbour to ask this favour"?
You only have to look on here to see the number of CF threads where people wouldn't feel a shred of shame about asking for someone's life savings or free babysitting for a decade!

In fact, given the number of posters on here saying they wouldn't bat an eyelid and would offer to do the neighbour's washing on top, surely that suggests the opposite, that many people don't think it's a big imposition at all and therefore wouldn't bat an eyelid at asking?

And there we have it, didn't take long😅Nope, nothing nice about a sly attempted jibe. Nice try though eh 😏

They will almost certainly agree she is being perfectly fair and reasonable.

You’ve recently moved ? You made it sound like you’d lived there a while with your dog walks together comment?
You sound pretty against it, so just say No. don’t lie about being ill, just say you’re on annual leave and don’t want to be
ties into an arrangement as want to be able to pop in and out as you please and lay in or whatever …
I wouldn’t refuse a neighbour but then my bathroom is write by front door, I wouldn’t be so keen if my only shower was upstairs or an ensuite off my bedroom though.

Out of all these people that are so helpful, one must live near OP. Tell us where you are OP, I'm sure you'll be inundated with offers of showers that your neighbour can use. 😉

Sorry, I've got to go and have a shower now, cheery bubbles!

Most people really don't share your bizarre views and suspect of everyone's bodily run-off to be diseased.

@HowIsItNovemberAlready @Bippy2024

Sure we could hire a hotel room or get a gym membership but there's the absence of a neighbourly relationship in that isn't there, and that's what Op is avoiding really.

It's not really about the shower and diseases is it, it's about not wanting to help someone in need in case 'they need to much'

I would argue that could be a simple conversation with the neighbour and the potential of a friendship.

Or yes, you could avoid that completely...

My boiler broke down earlier this year and I couldn't get it sorted for 2+ weeks. It was horrible having no hot water and also having to keep asking family if we could come over for a shower. It felt like a real imposition...

So, I'd encourage you to say yes...

“Right’ goodness my grammar today!

😂😂

No hot water is quite different to shower not working though.

This ^

A decent neighbour is worth their weight in gold, and I think if you say no, don't be surprised if things get frosty.
Like others have said, give her a set time she's welcome to come. Make it a time that suits you.

I think you're being quite unkind, but it's your right of course.