to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

If it was a couple of times it wouldn't be a huge ask, but potentially a couple of weeks would also make me hesitant to say yes. We were without a boiler for a couple of weeks (I also had a broken ankle at the time) and we made do with boiling a kettle and using a camping shower whilst standing in the bath and gym/service station showers.

OP, you are not selfish or unkind for saying No. If this request is out of your comfort zone then don't do it. I would not allow a neighbour that I am not friends with to use my bathroom neither would I ask to use a neighbours bathroom.

I've been in the position of having no water - we had a burst in the pipe from the mains which flooded our cellar. A neighbour who I chatted to regularly offered use of their shower. It was a godsend and I still think how kind it was of them now. JDI.

Just reply "that should be fine. mornings/evenings are better for me. Let's agree a time that's good and I'll make sure there's enough hot water'.

Then you'll be doing a good deed AND ensuring it doesn't interfere with your leisure time too much.

There is no chance I'd have neighbours use our shower. She is cheeky to ask imo.

She can strip wash and use a jug over the sink to wash hair like we all managed to in the old days.

She has hot water

LOL

I wouldn't ask neighbour. But it is not exactly an outrageous question. Sounds like she asked and is not demanding or hasn't taken no for an answer. Some people are just neighbourly eith different definition and when op says no she'll find an alternative. If you don't want to help the neighbour with this, it is fine. But some of these responses seem very disproportioned.

Also whatever you do, do not suggest any of the alternatives offered here unless asked.

If you really don’t want to do it, that’s totally fine. Just tell her you have a veruca you’re struggling to get rid of and you would be worried about giving it to her. Completely believable and won’t damage the relationship.

I would not dream of asking a neighbour to use their shower - if the shower was broken I would use the bath, if no bath I would ask family or close friends even though it would be a 30 min drive each way.

There’s some miseries on this thread

A neighbour asked me this favour once (similar relationship: very pleasant, quick chats when we bumped into each other etc, not friends friends) and I could see how awkward she found it to ask, even though for me it was no big deal and I was happy to say yes. It might be costing your neighbour a lot to ask you this.

You can give her a time slot that suits you, so you feel in control and won’t ever feel ambushed. Depending on the time, just explain that you’re off work and having lie-ins/a leisurely week, so you may not see each other, so she knows the score. She might be dreading having to make small talk every time she comes in too, so it might be a relief!

Ultimately, unless a neighbour is irredeemably appalling, it’s a relationship that’s worth allowing a bit of give and take. You never know when you might need to ask something of them.

Also, she needs to get another plumber, you dont wait 2 weeks for a plumber!

It wouldn’t occur to me to ask if I could use a neighbour’s shower!

I think your neighbour is being a bit OTT and a diva! She could flannel wash with a bowl, like people used to do. If it was me I would drive to a leisure centre and use the showers there.

Exactly! Oh while I'm at it can I just pop your slippers on and use your hairdryer.

What is wrong with using a bath or a sink to wash?!

Top marks for martyrdom

I agree with arranging time slots. You don't want to be curtailed on a week off or be hanging around wondering.

I'd never ask this in a million years though!! I'd get in early at work or go to a gym rather than ask an acquaintance.

You are absolutely entitled to say no. You are allowed boundaries. Having boundaries does not make you selfish or mean.

If this was me I would be offering something less. Say that you can cipe with once every 4 days and she can go to the nearest swimming pool/gym and use their showers in between?

Or just go to the gym/ pool

You do for a competent one round here, for a non-emergency call out.
The ones who can come immediately aren't busy or in demand for good reason. We are halfway through a month wait for a plumber.

Does Op's neighbour have no water?

If it was a one/off, fine. But every other day for 2 weeks? That’s not ok.

Surely there’s a gym she could go to?

This thread is a real shocker to me. MN, where someone knocking unexpectedly on the door creates a dilemma, where letting your tradesmen use the loo is questionable, where the outlaws visiting a newborn is an imposition, but so many wouldn’t think twice about a neighbour using their shower? I don’t believe it. You’d all be fine with someone you barely know interrupting your day, being upstairs in your house, potentially making a mess? Bollocks. It’s a cheeky thing to ask and a massive imposition. A shower is not essential and therefore the neighbour isn’t desperate, she’s cheeky.

And to be clear I am more than happy to help out neighbours in genuine need.