to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

I can understand why people wouldn't want to ask a neighbour they didn't know very well but not wanting to ask a friend or relative I find very curious.

You can sign up for most gyms on a monthly basis. Personally wouldn't dream of asking a neighbour to go wash at theirs.

I would. You’re going to be home. It would be different if you said you were full on at work next week and out the door early etc but you’ve said your home and not doing anything.

I mean she might not be desperate, just can't be bothered to think of other options!

I would say Yea as she’s in a tricky position through no fault of her own.

Would put boundaries down though - maybe suggest an evening shower so you know she won’t be waking you up to get showered.

Use a local gym, or swimming pool, or shower at work, the same as everyone I know has done when they have had their bathroom done. I would be very surprised if a neighbour who was an acquaintance at best asked me this: not least because it puts all the onus on you to say yes or make it awkward when there are a ton of reasons why you might not fancy having someone you barely know in your house.

No, not unless it was a close friend. I would have to clean before and after. I really think the neighbour has a cheek asking and if it was that important to her she have got a plumber who could fix it more quickly. What if it takes a lot longer to fix. I am another one who has had to manage with strip washes in their life and you can get throughly clean.

I would be looking at how someone could come sooner to fix the shower. I'm sure there is someone who could.

I would much rather my neighbour say no than feel uncomfortable doing something for me like that. I would hate to make anyone feel that way. Then again, I'd never ask, so the neighbour would never be uncomfortable regardless.

I would find it weird and cheeky that she’d asked and I would say no. I wouldn’t expect or ask to do the same if roles were reversed. I’d just manage with a sink wash / chuck the water from the sink over me in the shower.

I would say yes. It cultivates a neighbourly attitude of care and you may need to call upon your neighbour's help sometime.

I would say allow every other day or something like that?

Not wanting to is a valid reason.

Was that meant to sound clever?

Very neighbourly (not)

I’d be happy to let any pleasant neighbour use ours - as long as they didn’t want to come at the crack of dawn, and I knew the time in advance.

I agree the neighbour has a cheek to ask. It wouldn’t occur to me. I would wash at the sink or have baths instead.

Suggest she gets a solar shower - you can get them for £10 on Amazon. Fill it with a kettle of boiing water and top up with cold and give it a good slake

I’m trying to think if I were in the same circumstances as this woman if I would ask the same favour of a neighbour. And I really can’t see me asking any of them - and I get on well with my neighbours, having lived here 25 years.

However, if my neighbours knew I was in this predicament, I’m pretty sure they would all make the offer of using their facilities.

I’d prefer to go to the local pool personally. The thought of, what, going round in a dressing gown, crap wet hair, all steamy faced, no make up…. Ooh cringe.

I despair at this kind of thread. It isn't a huge ask.
Just be kind FFS.

Absolutely this. I wouldn't have had to think twice. Yeah, there's always the risk that down the line she won't help when you need a favour, but what a terrible way to think, to believe everything must be reciprocated and you can't just be nice. Like others say, work something out to minimise the impact on your 'me' time and do the nice thing

I'm guessing she doesn't have a bath that she could either use to bathe or attach a shower to the taps?

My neighbours have been incredibly inconsiderate, so they can expect that to be reciprocated too. I'd help them if they had a medical emergency or something, but they damaged that relationship that was previous good.