to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

I would need to be in a really desperate situation before I would ask a neighbour this, so I'd imagine she might well be desperate if she's asking.

If every other day wouldn't be feasible for you, could you talk through with her about other options - would twice a week at pre-agreed times be do-able? A flannel wash every day plus two showers at yours plus maybe one trip to a gym/similar could get her through the next couple of weeks. It might not be enjoyable for her, but would probably meet basic hygiene requirements in her emergency situation.

Saying no is of course your right, but might not be the most politically sensible course of action. You're going to see this person pretty regularly, you may need to ask her for help in the future... And she would probably remember if you said no when she needed help (and that she then saw that you were at home during that time - doing not much but just not wanting her around).

What would you suggest this woman does instead? Have you ever lived somewhere miles from anyone who isn't a "casual acquaintance "?

I’m so sorry to hear about your shower! I know how stressful that can be. I’ve got a busy week ahead and will be at home quite a bit, so I’m not sure I’d be the best option for you right now. But I hope you can find a temporary fix soon! Let me know if there's anything else I can do to help in the meantime.

I have and I'd have gone to the public pool, paid my single entry, and used their changing room showers.

You don't understand that we're not all the same or living in exactly the same circumstances?

It's something that I'd never actually ask to do myself and being expected to commit to every other day for 2 weeks seems a bit much. There's loads of favours I would just instinctively do right away for people but this one gives me pause.

Also my neighbour might not be as keen to ask me because currently my only working shower is literally in my bedroom and there's no door to stop the cat watching you. Maybe I'd feel differently if I had a different layout in my house.

YANBU I can’t believe she asked! Presumably she still has water and can still wash.

I would let her.

I have a plumber coming in today to look at my suddenly slow draining shower and I am dreading to hear that this will need extensive work...would be delighted if I knew I could rely on my neighbour if I need to rip the whole thing off and it is out of use for a couple of days...

Also, think long term. You might also need the good will of your neighbour one day.

Yabu. Our hot water failed the week we moved in. I was very grateful to my neighbour for letting me use her shower. She offered. You just say what time the shower be free. Can't see the issue. I'd let a neighbour.

With 7 people in my household, shower time is already competitive. I'd only be able to offer very limited time and slots. I'd probably say something like, "With two adults and five teens in his household, there's a lot of demand for the bathroom. You are welcome to use it between 7-7.30pm Monday and Friday and 11.30am Wednesday for the two weeks." Then they make it work or find another option.

You've answered my question.
Read through the thread for examples of it not being so simple for everyone.

For a neighbour I knew well enough to go for walks with, I‘d help out. You might need a favour one day yourself. Just let her know what time slots suit, she just wants a shower every couple of days, not a spa weekend in your bathtub.

Trolling other threads isn't kind.

Well as I've already said in another post there are plenty of options: strip wash at the sink - as I have had to do in similar circumstances myself - or use the shower facility at the local swimming baths or gym. Some work places also have shower facilities.
And yes I don't live near any relatives or friends, and havent for many, many years. And even if I did have friends or relatives near by I wouldn't dream of asking to use their shower.

And not wanting to for whatever reason is a good enough reason for OP to say no.

YANBU. I wouldn't let my neighbour use my shower unless I was good friends with them.
Surely she could sign up to the local gym/swimming pool and use theirs for now?

That message is basically a giant fuck you to her 😂

OP it's a shame it's for two weeks (?) but you really should let her use the shower a few times at least, just set a specific time. How would you feel if the situation was reversed?

Wow….😱😱😱😱😱

I’m astonished that you feel so flippin hesitant to help a neighbour like that.
I really despair at the un-charitableness I see playing out here.

WHATS HAPPENED TO THE WORLD WE LIVE IN?

By all means have a chat with her about timings but FGS let the poor girl in to wash.