to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

I'm very neighbourly but there are a lot of neighbours I'd feel very odd about being naked in my house! But I can't imagine the circumstances in which they would ask, I do think most people would have a flannel wash or go to a gym if they didn't have friends locally.

I completely understand why you don't want her to and I'd absolutely hate it but I think in this circumstance I'd say yes. It's awful not having a shower and it sounds like she doesn't have anyone else to ask, plus agree with PPs saying it could make your relationship awkward.

Having thought about it more, I would only feel comfortable allowing them to use the main bathroom that the kids use. It has no lock though.

She can go to a gym or swimming pool and use their shower. (Plenty of facilities allow you to pay for one-off access) It’s what I did in the past when my shower broke. And I had a very close friend living near by- but I considered that using her’s (in the way your neighbour suggests) would have been an imposition.

If you would prefer her not to shower at yours, that’s what you should tell her. It’s her responsibility to make alternative arrangements. Perhaps it will even motivate her to find a way to have it repaired more rapidly.

Sure. 🫣

No, hot water is expensive if you have an electric shower and you have no idea how long she will stay in your shower for each duration.

Why can't she manage using a flannel and some hot water at home? I managed for 3 weeks when I had my new bathroom installed!

I would let her. It would be mean not to.

What a batshit thread. A neighbour using the shower for 15 minutes a day is not in any sense an imposition, or anything to take umbrage at, or anything to get into an anxious tizzy about (unless you're ND). I can't think of many more situations that would require so little of one person to be so helpful to another.

The sprinkling of body horror posts throughout this thread really make it peak MN though. Trotters, verrucas, naked bodies... I have honestly never witnessed such utter revulsion at the human body as I see every day on MN anywhere else.

Also this is so commonplace? Boilers break down all the time. I've been on both sides of this. I was lucky to have friends living very near me both times I was left without hot water, so I didn't need to ask my immediate neighbour (who I didn't know at all). They didn't think twice. I didn't think twice when another neighbour in a different house needed to use my shower. It's called being neighbourly and being part of a community.

Same. And just because OP hasn't mentioned an issue like that, doesn't mean there isn't one. So maybe you're being a bit mean to call her nan?!

What's 'batshit' is forcing your opinion as the only correct one.

Gosh. What a weird thing to ask.

I'd be going to the gym or a close friend's house before I asked my neighbour and we're really friendly/supportive of each other.

Me too.

One episode of my kids accidentally opening the bathroom door should fix the issue. I'd try to make sure they didn't, of course.

I wouldn't agree to this - I don't like the thought of someone who is essentially a stranger, showering in my home.
And I don't think it's necessary either - when I was getting my bathroom refitted, I boiled water in the kettle to wash in the kitchen and used a jug to wash my hair over the bath. Okay, it wasn't nice but I would never have asked my neighbours if I could use their showers - that's just weird!

I would hate to ask a neighbour. I would just do a strip wash with a kettle of boiling water and use dry shampoo.

I w d let them though.

Right bunch of weirdos here.

I'm autistic and introverted and I hate people in my house. I'd still let my neighbour use my shower!

It seems really unkind to just say no but I do think you need to put boundaries in place.

Just explain that you have a lot on over the next few weeks but if she’s OK to use it between X and y times that’s fine.

I also don’t think volunteering necessarily makes you a kind person. It’s a bit sad that the only thing that is making you think that you might soften is the impact on you.

Maybe OP is ND? I am and understood where she was coming from immediately.
Sorry, OP, not labelling you as I don't know!
I think it's batshit that so many people are going nuts over any hesitation or opposition to acquiescing to the shower request.
You would just cope, wouldn't you? I mean, with having a wash! I would personally find that much less stressful and much less hassle than hoofing it round to a neighbour's private space to shower in an unfamiliar situation.
So many things I would do as a neighbour or wouldn't mind, but as a relative stranger, asking to shower in someone's house, I frankly find just fucking weird. Imagining me going and doing that 'round here' 😳😂 And no way would anyone round here come and ask.
But yeah, if you're good friends with your neighbours, like family, that's different and in that case, fine!

I do find the prevailing attitude of entitlement (to a shower) on this thread strange. If a neighbour I didn't know well had some physical problem(s) where they actually HAD to have a shower, rather than just strip wash for a week, I'd probably say yes use my shower, but that doesn't seem to be the case for OP neighbour.

Ah one of those AIBu posts where the OP is only looking for validation .
I agree with the majority and would let my neighbour use my shower in the circumstances.
You never know when you might need some help in the future

I really don't see why you wouldn't, but then, one of our neighbours have used our shower and another our washing machine when theirs have been broken.

You reap what you sow. Of course you can say no - it’s your shower. But then please hope you never need any help from
her in the future.

Or just be kind.

This. 100%.

It's not kind to call people weirdos, you get that, right?

Has she not got a bath? I’d not ask this, but I would feel like I couldn’t say no either, very awkward. I think I’d do the time slot thing. I’d say sure, but It needs ti be between 8-8.30 every morning as I have a lot of stuff ti be getting on with and will be in and out,

We lost gas for about a week last year. People in our village were falling over themselves to offer out their shower.

I am not a people person but this isn’t a complete strange, I can’t see the big deal.