to not let neighbour use my shower!

[NavyOrca]

Next door neighbour messaged me earlier. Her shower has broken and she can’t get anyone to come out and fix it until the week after next. She asked if she could ‘pop in’ to use ours every other day.

I don’t want her to! I’ve got most of next week off work and plan to be at home a lot, doing not much at all, after a crazy busy time lately. I don’t want to worry about somebody coming to have a shower!

For context - I get on with her absolutely fine. We chat now and again and have walked our dogs together a few times in the past.. wouldn’t say we are especially close though.

AIBU to say no to this request? I know that she moved to the area for work and none of her family/friends are around here. So I might be her only option and I do feel bad about this.

I'm one of those people who never asks for favours. I find my own way. Not necessarily a virtue but I'd never ask this. If my neighbours asked me I'd probably say, "You know that noise that's been a problem for over a year due to your refusal to move the source of the noise away from my window, but you said it wasn't possible? Bye."

I wonder if the neighbour is on here reading this?

Or the DM?

I'm not being nasty. I'm posting an opinion.
"That's a shame" is not the same as shaming a person.
Read the post. Don't get personal and unpleasant

Why can’t she use a bucket and a pail?
I’d not even ask a close neighbour for this favour tbh, unless i was visiting and staying in their home. I’d not be comfortable with it.

YABVVU. A little kindness costs nothing. What is wrong with people?!

I would be fine with my neighbour showering for a short number of days. I would give her a time slot each day.

You are entitled to not wish to extend her the use of your shower.

Try being good neighbourly.

Let your neighbour use your shower but only at a set time each second day for two weeks.

Work out a suitable and agreeable half hour time slot for her to use the shower.

Also give her information about local pools that she could use to shower on the other days.
ie: Name, opening hours and prices for entry.
Then she has options if she really needs to shower more frequently.

I wonder if my judgement is clouded by having the most amazing neighbours, I couldn’t say no to them. They have ended up being closer to us than family and this has come from their kindness and thoughtfulness from day one.

Depends on the neighbour. We had one round for dinner most weeks, my Dh hauled her out of the bath (in her house) one day when she couldn’t get out, fortunately her son was there. The other neighbour, just no, although they’d never ask. I’d find it extraordinarily cheeky.

I would. It's not like you've never had interaction. If it's every other day for 10.minutes it's not too intrusive.

When we had a new bathroom fitted, we put a paddling pool in the kitchen and used a big plastic jug to pour water over our heads. We lathered up and then rinsed the soap off.

Well that's fair enough but I would feel differently.
I never want to lose the sense of community my neighbours have.
My older disabled neighbour is on his own and while we're not rich by any stretch, when he was down on his luck before his UC was sorted he had very little food. There was always a warm plate offered to him, food for his dog and a few bits sent in. I wouldn't have been able to sleep knowing he was going without and we were able to help. I know it's not quite the same as a shower but it's the feeling safe (which goes both ways) knowing someone is there to help. Turns out he was a sound engineer in the 80s and 90s and when my DH inherited a reel to reel from his uncle that seemed to be broken, he popped in to have a look, and was able to fix it.

Oh my goodness I can’t believe some wouldn’t help out their neighbour in a tight spot. Because it’s a minor inconvenience. She’s asking for a 10 minute shower not to move in. What’s wrong with people-this is how humans have been for centuries-helping each other out.

I am not keen on having people in my personal space but I think I would help a nice neighbour asking for a quick shower for a limited period of time. Poor lady, not being able to shower is so horrid. When we had our only bathroom replaced a few years ago a few nearby friends and neighbours offered us the option to pop in to theirs and I was so grateful.

I think offering her a fixed time slot is good, then you won't be tense not knowing when she might want to pop round and you can time things to make sure there is enough hot water so it doesn't inconvenience anything you want to do.

I hope she won't take the piss but it doesn't sound like it as she's only asking for every other day.

No way! This is an odd request. What's wrong with a flannel and a bowl of soapy water? I would say sorry it's not convenient for me. A shower every other day is a lot of water and some expense!

To me, providing meals and food boxes and help along those lines feels a lot less invasive than using my personal bathroom and bedroom. There are also other options like going to the public leisure centre for a shower.

If my neighbour, who doesn't deserve any favours from me at this stage, knocked and told me she or a child were injured and needed a lift to emergency, I'm right on it. Short on food? Happy to help. Happy to help with most things but would be really uncomfortable letting them use my bathroom.

The other option is to let them use the family bathroom which has no lock and is close to my young children. They could use that but not sure how comfortable they'd be.

Can she not use the local swimming pool or sports facility?

Surely that's what most of us would do? Changing room showers at the public pool would be my default.

This completely sums up how I feel about it. You’re close enough to have one another’s numbers, but neighbourliness doesn’t stop the minute you close your own front door. She wants a bit of assistance for a limited period. I would do it in a heartbeat, this is the minor stuff that makes the world go around.

Assuming that everyone lives locally to that type of facility and can easily get there…

Of course yabu and not very nice and certainly not neighbourly

We keep hearing about people feeling lonely, isolated etc. Threads like this explain why

It's not a big ask, will generate friendly rapport and will cost pennies. I'm surprised how many people think OP should say No

But, MN does have a disproportionate number of people who never answer the door......also disproportionate number of people who have no friends....... I think this is connected

I'd let her. It's good to be kind. Just do it on your terms - give a time slot that's convenient for you.

Do you have a local plumber who you can recommend who may be able to do it quicker?

I think it's an odd request. Laughing at all the people going 'poor woman' - how do they think many people in the world survive? Or how 'we' lives in times gone by. Giving OP lectures about morals, values, unselfishness etc - pfft.
I'm all for neighbourliness but yeah, odd, intrusive.