Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to wonder if we are unusual in never seeing adult children at Christmas?

129 replies

SoNiceToComeHomeTo · 07/11/2024 23:44

I'm reading so many threads about adult children struggling to fit in visits to their parents and inlaws over Christmas, or even bemoaning the fact that they'd like a change sometimes but feel they have an obligation to family.
We haven't had a Christmas with my SC for nearly 20 years now, and my DH especially is very sad about it. His DD (single, early forties) usually keeps her options open until the last minute, and if nothing better is offered goes to her Mum, who lives locally and always offers to pick her up. DS (married, no kids, mid forties) goes abroad most years and very occasionally to his Mum's.

They both have busy lives, and DS and DIL love travelling and hate the cold so I can see why they like to go away. But still - could they not have their annual holiday in the sun a couple of weeks later sometimes, and either invite us to stay with them or come to us for a couple of days? We live a few hours away so a day trip wouldn't be comfortable.
I don't think there is anything sinister behind it. We are on good terms with them, and don't want to put pressure on them to see us, or get needy about it, but we do miss seeing them at Christmas, Easter etc. When they were at school and uni they would come to us on Christmas day and we'd invite their Mum as well so that nobody got left out, but as they've got older they no longer think it's important, it seems.
Just wondering how unusual this situation is. I expect I am BU to mournfully feel that it is just us, but I'd like to know.

OP posts:
Paulspots · 10/11/2024 11:02

AllProperTeaIsTheft · 08/11/2024 15:37

I'm in my 50s and apart from once in Covid there's not been a single year where I didn't spend at least Christmas Day, Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with my parents. It will actually be just 27th this year. We alternate which days we spend with mine and which with PIL.

I'm in my fifties and haven't spent Christmas with my parents for over thirty years, doesn't make either of us right or wrong!

Supersimkin7 · 10/11/2024 11:07

I don’t see my parents on Xmas Day, no guilt.

They started going away at Easter in my 30s, our other traditional rendezvous time. And inviting friends of theirs we didn’t know at Xmas.

Now they’re ancient and hint-y, I’ve got used to making other plans.

PassingStranger · 10/11/2024 16:11

Paulspots · 10/11/2024 11:02

I'm in my fifties and haven't spent Christmas with my parents for over thirty years, doesn't make either of us right or wrong!

Exactly, there are also 364 other days of the year.

RM2013 · 10/11/2024 16:20

When DH parents were both alive we always visited Boxing Day and they always had Xmas day just the 2 of them it was just what they did. FIL passed away a few years ago and MIL now in residential care. We generally see my parents Christmas Day most years although my brother lives a few hours away so they sometimes visit hi .
my DC still live at home so not sure how it will be in future years with their own families.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page