Should I include her in my will?

[Sillysausage76]

I got with DH over 15 years ago. I have 4 DC and he has 1. When we meet he moved into my house as its bigger. He rented his house out (dsd lived with her bf and child). DSD always made it clear his house was her inheritance and she wouldn't consider sharing it, fair enough. DH house turned into a money pit and so he sold it, not making much, he did put money into the business as have I. My house increased drastically in value. Me and dh have a joint pot so to speak but my house and assets will go to my 4 dc, dsd won't be left as much, she now wants every split equally. This isn't going to happen, my parents are also still alive and as long as no care fees needed I will inherite from them. Is it unfair not to include her in my will? She has never really accepted me but I don't think bad of her, she was spoilt as a child. She won't inherite from her mum or bf parents.

No I won’t leave anything in the will…

people just don’t learn…what about her mum?

This 👆🏼 @Sillysausage76 has ensured stepdaughter loses out when her husband dies while she and her family benefit.

I’m not surprised the sd had children young and had issues with work/poor choices (in your opinion). Sounds like she has been let down by her father, relegated to second tier child when her father remarried. Honestly she doesn’t sound grabby at all, just sick of being not thought of while step children get everything.

Honestly this is why remarriage with children is so awful. The first families always get fucked over.

This. She should be provided for. You and your DH are married and he will have contributed to your joint wealth. His DD should therefore inherit accordingly. To cut her out is horrible and unfair. As PPs have says how would you feel if this were your children instead.

But if your business is only worth something while it is running. ... and you are both scaling back, who will be running the business and what is the liklihood that they would be content to continue to run it and hand over the profits to someone else? It really doesn't sound like a business that has any value outside of it's owners.

We have staff, if the business is sold it would still be a decent amount of money. Problem is if she sold the business it would buy her a house but not in the area she'd want and if she carried on as she is she'd fritter away the money on rent and holidays and not think about hers and the grandchildrens future. On reading all the answers I've realised I need to build relationship with her. I invited her and her family to the theatre and over night stay with me and dh and she said yes, so that's a start

You sound like a really kind person @Sillysausage76
Sadly most of us don’t get to buy a house in the area we would like we just have to get on with it.

I certainly didn't for a long time. Although financially I'm secure now, it's not always been that way.

She’s a cf even mentioning your will, let alone trying to dictate what you do with it. Your will is entirely your business and no one should ever try to influence or pressure someone over a will. You need to put your foot down - tell her and your DH that your will is an entirely private matter and you will not be discussing it, and don’t want to hear it mentioned again.

Equally, your DH is at liberty to leave her something in HIS will if he so chooses.

All the children should be treated equally to things like birthday/Christmas gifts, etc, but the wills are a totally different matter.

I'd suggest that if she is going to inherit the business she needs to step up and start working harder within it as the heir apparent. It's an asset which could potentially be worth a lot more with effort from her, her DH and potentially her kids depending on how long you both live. While you are both still around to provide guidance and support and training. That would also potentially allow you to transfer some of the ownership in shares during your lifetime.
I think it's an opportunity to completely reset the relationship with her for her father and you.

I think you've already made your decision - house to your kids, business to his child, and that seems a good decision to me based on what I've read.

Inheritance is a really difficult thing- I don't think I'll see a penny when I'm finally orphaned whereas DH is in line for loads. FIL is obsessed with Inheritance tax, especially after the recent budget! So they frequently discuss it but it didn't stop my DH being distraught at the provisions made when his DM died unexpectedly.

Wills can be really hurtful because they often show what people really think. Money was split between DH and DGC which made DH feel untrusted to be a good parent and really hurt him.

Also my FIL clearly judges me for working part time. We have multiple children, DH is an only child. They had both sets of grandparents around for childcare when DH was young, we don't. One of our DC, possibly two, have SEN. I worked full time for 13 years before having kids and he judges me as lazy for taking several years off with the kids.

Please don't make inheritance judgements on things like this. Keep it to what is fair and moral based on relationship and movement of assets.

I certainly wouldn't give a thriving business to someone whom has chosen not to ever work.
Madness.
Gift her an amount that represents her fathers part and keep your house and the business for your children or sell it.
Don't let her destroy what you both worked for.

Problem is if she sold the business it would buy her a house but not in the area she'd want and if she carried on as she is she'd fritter away the money on rent and holidays and not think about hers and the grandchildrens future.

I don't think you realise just how much you judge her, even if it's not to her face, if you're not careful that will be coming across in your interactions with her, I'm sure she must be aware of what you think of her.

Is your childrens inheritance, which you have gone to great lengths to ringfence, and will be much more straightforward for them to turn into cash, going to be given with stipulations as to what they can and can't do with it? or judgement on how they choose to use it too? or is that only for when it comes to her?

You've not said how old her children are but can it be assumed her children are quite young, that's why you said she can't commit to longer more unsociable hours which come with working for the family business.

I still think you making all the decisions on this sort of thing are a bit odd, where is your husband in all this, it's his daughter after all.

So one minute theres likely to be no money left from the business because of all the fancy luncheons you go on, the next there is enough for her to buy a house. Which is it.

If he put the whole profit of a house sell in it, surely there should at least be worth that (should be double that really of you put as much in).

I think you are writing things to suit your narrative.

Surely it's your dh's responsibility to leave something to her when he dies. If he doesn't, then they can't expect you to.

Hmm, she's been hoisted by her own petard a bit, claiming the house as her inheritance when her Dad was presumably quite young, and now the house has been sold and not much money raised. I would leave her something in your will if her Dad can't, but not necessarily the same as your own DC.

I just wanted to echo a point above - you've commented on your stepdaughters working pattern, laziness, likely to fritter it away etc

Will you be withholding inheritance from your own children using those criteria?

Ha ha, she can jog on regarding the house! Very generous of you to leave her your half of the business as well as getting her Dad’s share. For someone who has never accepted you and seems very spoiled and entitled, I’d say you were being extremely fair and kind to her - more generous than I would be!

@Soocks she does work

Your will is entirely your business. Anyway she will only find out when you are gone. Do what you want to do and do not be bullied. I find the idea of someone asking or telling me what to do with my will quite vulgar and unacceptable.

You do realise she'll think pretending to be your new best friend will be how she'll get your money, right?

Their might end up being no money.

Personally I think you’d be wise to leave whatever you have to your own children. If her father wants to leave something to her that’s up to him, and not something you need to concern yourself with.

YANBU. Your estate is just that. YOURS. You can do with it what you want and if you don’t want her to inherit that’s for you to decide. Me and my husband are leaving our estate to my SD’s son. We are raising him and we want to make sure that when we die everything goes to him and not her as we know she’ll just waste the money on crap and possibly drugs. We have an iron clad will and trust that leaves everything to him and if he’s under 18 when we die it’ll go into a trust for him with my sister as the trustee. My SD will get blood out of a stone before she gets anything out of my sister

I agree with the above.
Your DH should be just as protective of DSDs inheritance as you are of your DCs inheritance!
I don't think number of hours she works is relevant here.
I think she should get at least half of her dad's business share.ie 25%
With the other half of his share to go to you to pass onto your DC when you die.
Although tbh it would not be unreasonable for him to leave her his 50% of the business as your DC will get everything else.
It's a mess and tbh you are the one sounding very controlling by cutting her out.
If you don't want to leave her anything in your will then that's up to you but I'm quite cross on her behalf that her dad seems to have made no provision for her in his will and is leaving it all to you.
Even if you agreed to leave her something you could (and probably would) change your mind in the future.
Tbf you sound just as, if not more, money orientated as her!