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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Selling the car I use for work.

195 replies

itsmeits · 07/11/2024 09:15

Just that really. Partner has decided he wants to sell the car as things are tight - he has a company Van to do his job and has had permission granted to use it for drop of pick ups at before and after school clubs, incase I can't make it. We work for the same company different sectors.
If he sells the car I can't work! Can't get to my pat h to do my job. Money will be even tighter. I have offered to buy the car from him and reduce what he puts in the bill account to free up some money for him each month. Nope he needs the money now. What the hell am I going to do?!
I have just paid out for some big expenditures
(including on the f*ing car £600, which i didn't mind as I use it mostly) and reduced my savings massively I don't have the funds to get a car - definitely not this side of Xmas.
He thinks all the money of sale of the car will be his. I pointed out I've spent over £1500 on it in repairs (over the last 2 years I have used it) to keep it running and the £1000 towards the cost of buying it.
I know we won't get what we paid for it back it. It has been 5 years since we got it and it wasn't new then.
AIBU

  • his name is on the log book it's his car his money
YANBU
  • some proceeds should go to me towards being able to get a new car and keep my job.
OP posts:
Dibbydoos · 12/11/2024 18:51

Why does he have control of money?

This is doomed relationship.

Get out now. He is a complete AH and has not respect for you.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 12/11/2024 19:03

Make use of your Employee Assistance Programme - they could be very helpful if you disclose that you're being subjected to financial coercion to the point of him trying to make it impossible for you to continue in employment. It doesn't matter that your parents have provided you a getout, the general situation is one they would be able to assist with, completely confidentially.

catlover123456789 · 12/11/2024 19:07

I have an old car my dp uses for work. He pays for his petrol but as the car is mine I pay for everything else. This is because its my responsibility. But I'd never dream of selling it because he needs it.
If your dp is selling the car I think you need to bill him for at least part of the repairs and the deposit. With that money perhaps you can buy your own car and keep your job.

Original poster
itsmeits · 12/11/2024 19:12

Lower monthly payments to my parents than I could have imagined (very fortunate) a larger sum offered than what I will need - I won't be taking what they have offered - to get a decent run around.
Saving is my goal, I may not be able to remove him from my home. I can however buy one without him while I'm lucky enough to have cheap rent to do it.

OP posts:
Marvelsquirrel · 12/11/2024 19:13

His behaviour is controlling and I would consider it abusive. He’s wielding a lot of power over you by taking away the car, and therefore your ability to work in a job you enjoy. Not to mention that he knew you had spent a lot of money on it when he decided to sell. 😡

downwindofyou · 12/11/2024 19:15

OP do you pay for anything for him? If so, stop immediately. Tell him you've had to tighten your belt to afford a new car. Longer term I would seriously question why you stay with him. He's awful

SpunkyKoala · 12/11/2024 19:38

DO. NOT. GIVE. UP. YOUR. CAR
WHATEVER NEEDS TO HAPPEN TO KEEP YOUR CAR AND YOU IN WORK DO IT at this point the car is more value to you than the partner

Original poster
itsmeits · 12/11/2024 19:52

All household bills and extra agreed amount (same each for yearly car insurance/mot/tax and white good replacements - car repairs have come out single monies) in to a joint bill account
Only bills come out of this he has no access to it cash/transfer wise, he's still paying normal amounts.
What we have left after 50/50 is ours to do as we wish or pay single bills ie he pays his credit card. I should have a car by the end of the month, worse case I can manage my diary and pay nothing serious adhoc comes in at the opposite end of the patch. That's if he has sold this one by that time.
Main thing is I will own my own car - that wont be hung over my head. And we can both reduce what we put in joint account as he won't need insurance.
Can I just say my mum is a legend. Thank you

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 12/11/2024 19:57

Be careful that your car keys don't go 'missing ' or your car gets 'damaged' once you get your own.

It will be interesting to hear what he says when you tell him your parents have got you a car....because I don't think it is to do with finances at all.

Also make sure you leave the V5 with your parents.

MustWeDoThis · 12/11/2024 20:00

itsmeits · 07/11/2024 09:15

Just that really. Partner has decided he wants to sell the car as things are tight - he has a company Van to do his job and has had permission granted to use it for drop of pick ups at before and after school clubs, incase I can't make it. We work for the same company different sectors.
If he sells the car I can't work! Can't get to my pat h to do my job. Money will be even tighter. I have offered to buy the car from him and reduce what he puts in the bill account to free up some money for him each month. Nope he needs the money now. What the hell am I going to do?!
I have just paid out for some big expenditures
(including on the f*ing car £600, which i didn't mind as I use it mostly) and reduced my savings massively I don't have the funds to get a car - definitely not this side of Xmas.
He thinks all the money of sale of the car will be his. I pointed out I've spent over £1500 on it in repairs (over the last 2 years I have used it) to keep it running and the £1000 towards the cost of buying it.
I know we won't get what we paid for it back it. It has been 5 years since we got it and it wasn't new then.
AIBU

  • his name is on the log book it's his car his money
YANBU
  • some proceeds should go to me towards being able to get a new car and keep my job.

Why are you with him?

TheFormidableMrsC · 12/11/2024 20:02

SortingItOut · 12/11/2024 19:57

Be careful that your car keys don't go 'missing ' or your car gets 'damaged' once you get your own.

It will be interesting to hear what he says when you tell him your parents have got you a car....because I don't think it is to do with finances at all.

Also make sure you leave the V5 with your parents.

I agree with this.

TeaGinandFags · 12/11/2024 20:10

He's working towards dumping you.

Beg, steal or borrow to get a new car, in your name if course, and get your ducks in order.

cooldarkroom · 12/11/2024 20:19

Well you should be getting the repair money & part of the initial 1K you paid.
Make sure he does the school runs etc, as after all, that was the suggestion when he unilaterally decided to sell your car.
Do NOT give in, he is going to have extra money & you are going to have a loan to repay.
Do not let him use your car. EVER

Original poster
itsmeits · 12/11/2024 20:34

Car key won't go missing/can't go missing on a work day while car is still owned by him.
As it would be too embarrassing for me to call his Manager (who I worked with regularlyin my previous role) and say Mr itsmeits has taken car key to work can you rearrange his diary so he can drop it off please I need to be XYZ by ABC.
I'm not fussed about the last few repairs I've paid for - a dint i caused opening the door, the wing mirror I broke, the screw i got in the tyre (yes me he hadn't driven it in over 6 weeks)
He just struged and said i thought you would be saving for one. It's been 2+ years since you passed now.
He hasn't really used it for the last 4/5 years except shopping, holidays and trips due to have a work van.

OP posts:
OuchyEars · 12/11/2024 21:07

I think what SortingItOut meant was, don't let your new car keys go missing. If his purpose is to control you via access to a car, this could still happen.
Also, expect him to damage it. By scratching if he can't get access, and worse if he can. Sadly I speak from experience.

Find a way to ensure he cannot take the keys to your car, and leave the spare with your parents.

Diddlyumptious · 12/11/2024 22:44

Your mum is indeed a legend but she's also doing what any mother would, if they can of course

canyouseemyhousefromhere · 12/11/2024 23:22

The name on the log book doesn't prove ownership, it's who is on the bill of sale and where the money was paid from. (Big dispute with old bf & was told this by a solicitor-enabled me to keep my car).

BlueFlowers5 · 13/11/2024 00:16

Maybe he plans on leaving so he needs a deposit for something. He gets you to pay towards his car repairs and wanting you to possibly be unemployed fits.

I would get legal advice including what would you to do to qualify to have him removed, legally.

I would get legal advice before you talk to housing.

Good luck

PloddingAlong21 · 13/11/2024 05:47

Find the whole dynamic here bizarre.

He is literally happy for you to lose your livelihood over a second hand car. He has no regard for you well being. It’s also very bizarre he wants to sell it. How much is he getting for it that he’s happy to put you out of work? There is zero partnership here.

Are they your kids or shared? If shared it’s even more bizarre as he clearly doesn’t see you as a family unit.

You need to maintain financial independence because he’s financially controlling. If you lose all control you’re in a very difficult situation.

Why does he urgently need the money?

DeathNote11 · 13/11/2024 06:11

If I were your mum you'd be given a better car than the one being sold, but my name would be on the logbook & I'd be silently darling him to assume it was a family asset that he could control.

satonacat · 13/11/2024 08:38

Are you really young op?

If so, totally forgiven that you are putting up with a shit relationship, it's all a learning curve.

Mike getting out of this situation with this shit man a priority. It's 2024, you live in the UK, you can work, you have supportive parents, you haven't indicated mental health or addictions; no excuses!!!! Get away from him, find someone lovely or enjoy being single and look back on this mistake relationship with a wry smile.

rainbowstardrops · 13/11/2024 08:50

Your set up is all kinds of fucked up. Your partner is happy to sell a car that you've paid towards and NEED for your job that you love and is also sitting back and letting you pay for a family holiday and a school trip for your child and all because he needs the funds right now. He's either thick as shit, or he's up to something. I certainly wouldn't be tolerating this shit!

JustWalkingTheDogs · 13/11/2024 09:31

I'm honestly god smacked that someone would sell a car, knowing full well it would result in his partners loss of a job. A job that provides for the family.

Does he understand if you lose your job and get another one, on less money, he'll be even worse off as any extra money he has will be swallowed up in him paying more of the bills?

What an utter stupid and selfish sod he is

JustWalkingTheDogs · 13/11/2024 09:32

Insist that the car is put in your name or even your mums name once you've paid for it

Goodtogossip · 13/11/2024 11:14

If he insist on selling the car tell him you want some of the money he gets for it so you can put it towards another little run around for you to use for work. Does he know you'll have to give up work if you don't have a car. Is that his intention so he has you where he wants you, financially dependant on him?
He's being a prick & is trying to control you. If this is a one off then talk it through with him. If it's a pattern of behaviour, have a serious think if you should be with him or not.