Breastfeeding a stranger’s child

[grou]

I was recently told of a friend’s friend who under very specific circumstances was compelled to breastfeed a complete stranger’s baby. I find the concept quite disturbing. Think remote, small airport. One rug shop for duty free. But then again a starving baby is a starving baby.

As far as I am aware there were really no alternative options available.

In some countries it’s still normal for wet nurses to be hired.

What a haunting story ☹️
And what an admirable young woman you were.

@Elleherd that was beautiful it made me cry.

this ! ♥️

I accepted BM donations for my poorly newborn. Thank you to everyone that does this. No ick here!

Not every part of the world has 24 hour access to formula. Christ I live on a British Island and between the hours of 1am and 6am there is not one single shop open. The only place I could think you'd have to go between those hours to access formula in an emergency would be the hospital.

With regards airports, years ago I unexpectedly spent around 8 hours in an airport in Africa. It wasn't event that remote but flights were few and far between enough that they weren't accustomed to transit passengers and thus the single (souvenir) shop and cafe only opened for a couple of hours before a departing flight. We arrived 8 hours before our onward flight departed and were basically shown to a large hall with some seats and a set of toilets to wait it out.

In that situation formula was simply not available. A passenger that had brought powder formula would not have had access to the means to make it up.

This was in the middle of a very straightforward journey from London to Cape Town that went a bit awry. It can happen much more easily than some on this thread seem to imagine.

What exactly do you find unpleasant, though?

I've breastfed a friend's baby when she was having a medical emergency, and I would have happily fed a stranger's baby if the baby needed feeding.

@Elleherd this made me so emotional 🥹

If the parents said OK then I don't see the issue. We all drink milk from cows we don't know! Milk is milk, Society has just made breastfeeding weird for some silly reason.

Why is it weird ? Would you offer a spare bottle to a baby in distress who needed one ? Of course you would. I'd feed any baby who NEEDED it.

When my baby was in nicu they had donated milk. I was able to express enough so had no need. I would have had no issue with donating milk if I had excess supply. I personally would have found it difficult to breastfeed a baby I didn't have a bond with as it's a very personal experience. However I have no issue with someone else doing it.

I think it’d a really successful campaign by baby formula makers. It’s insidious in a way. It’s led to lots of problems in countries which don’t necessarily have the means to make up formula safely.

How was she compelled? Did someone point a gun at her head?

I would be interested to know the circumstances

I think it's interesting you find it disturbing, would you be disturbed if she'd fed the baby a bottle of formula?

I guess breastfeeding a baby is very intimate, I would find it upsetting if another woman fed my baby, but then I would find it just as upsetting if another person gave my baby a bottle too.

@Elleherd

This is beautiful, I'm so sorry for that baby

Well if the baby was going to go without food…….
And women donate breast milk for newborns.

And you’ve never lived in a developing country where a woman can ( and sadly many do) die in childbirth or soon after. If another new mum doesn’t feed the baby it will die a painful death too. When life is very, very harsh you can’t afford to be squeamish.

3 years each??!!

I know a few people who breastfed for that long, I couldn’t do it personally (gave up at 18m) but when they get to 1-1.5 they’re usually only feeding mornings and evenings anyway.

I find it sad that you found this disturbing. A baby starving and a woman with what he needs to sustain him. What could be less disturbing than that? It was the obvious thing to do and lucky to have a woman on hand who could do this for him. Good on her and his mum.

I fed that long, it saved DD having to be admitted to hospital at 2.5 after a particularly awful bout of norovirus. They go back to almost newborn frequency when the molars come through then decrease to practically never.

I did double take when a women was feeding her toddler after I'd finished, the woman's child looked massive to be bfing but was probably only 1 and it took me back to feeding DD and I remembered DD was exceptionally tall and the size of a 5 year old by the time we finished but you actually don't even notice that when you are the one feeding them it's just your normal.

Goodness I’d much rather a stranger breastfed my baby that give my babies formula. Always.

I would also feed a stranger‘s baby if wanted/needed.

I breastfed for 15 years in total and think it’s an amazing thing.

Because the book was written by a man who didn't feel the need to do any research into women's bodies, that's how!

I did it for a friend who became gravely ill while BF. It was really no big deal.

@IdleAnimations

Your western privilege is very clear.

I don't know where I would go to buy formula where I live let alone pre packaged formula.

I very much doubt my nearest airport which serves a large tourist population would sell pre packaged formula. I'm not even sure they would have formula.

This is my thinking too - if someone was really stuck and there was no other option to feed their child I would have no problem breastfeeding them if the parent was happy and it benefitted the child. I also feel weird about ds being fed by someone else but I think that's in part what this poster is saying, and also in part because bf is quite an intimate and emotionally charged part of my parenting ds. And letting someone else in on that feels strangely uncomfortable. But as others say the milk bank is there to fulfill a legitimate need and I would never want to be in a position where ds was hungry/thirsty and I had no way to feed or quench him.