Breastfeeding a stranger’s child

[grou]

I was recently told of a friend’s friend who under very specific circumstances was compelled to breastfeed a complete stranger’s baby. I find the concept quite disturbing. Think remote, small airport. One rug shop for duty free. But then again a starving baby is a starving baby.

As far as I am aware there were really no alternative options available.

Breastfeeding sends signal to the brain which changes the milk composition for the baby. It’s not exactly optimal to be mixing up feeders especially for milk supply. It’s not just a keg of milk as people are suggesting.

Victorian author Anthony Trollope wrote of Lady Arabella, one of his characters who employed a wet nurse because she ‘couldn’t’ breastfeed, ‘The Ladies Arabella never can. They have bosoms for show, but not for use.’

I can't wrap my head around the emergency situation though. Why would you ever put yourself into an emergency situation where there's no milk? Surely the only situation that would be if the mother was unconscious or something and there were no shops around?

What was the situation at the airport?

My grandmother died when my mum was little in Malaysia. She was still being weened and was breastfed by another women. This woman and my mother were very close.

It’s perfectly natural and once upon a time was very normal.

I do think I’d struggle to do it myself though. I’m not one of those women that find other babies and toddler that cute and I generally don’t enjoy holding them and feel quite on edge the whole time. I’m sure I could do it if I needed to but I would find it difficult.

I think I’d actually find it easier the other way round - if, hypothetically I had a baby who was hungry and crying and for whatever reason I couldn’t get to them, I’d be very happy for another woman to nurse them.

No I wouldn’t. If I knew I’d be going on a journey I’d have packed formula. I dont see how this is so hard to understand that some of us don’t want our baby on another woman’s breast? Don’t shame others because they’re not interested in this communal breastfeeding thing that you find perfectly normal.

EXACTLY 👏

As a breastfeeding mum though it would never have occurred to me to worry whether there was formula milk available at a location tbh.

I’ve fed a friend’s baby (& she fed mine). It made it possible for us to care for each others babies without their being distressed (they both fed to sleep!). It was a short period of time for obvious reasons & probably only happened a couple of times.

The chances of you ever having to do this are so slim I don't think its something you need to dwell on if you find it disturbing. I doubt many mothers would allow a modern social taboo to prevent them saving a baby's life, and I'd imagine would feel gratitude (baby's mum) and pleased they could do this service (bf woman).

We need OP to come back and expand upon "under very specific circumstances"

In the 1900's my great grandmother was a doctor with several children of her own who worked in a very poor northern industrial town. Apparently she frequently breastfed the failing to thrive babies of patients. She was a remarkable woman but the general practice of sharing babies feeding to keep them well and alive was common in a time when the alternatives were not hygienic or good.

Obviously we live in different times but I can't see why you wouldn't provide support if you could and it was needed and if the alternatives were not palatable or available.

This reminds me of when we had a few kittens, they were very much too young to be away from their mother (this was in the 70s) and our dog started lactating and fed them, she hadn’t had puppies for years!

I don’t find the idea unpleasant and would do it if needed. But it’s such a personal thing that I can understand many mothers not being comfortable with it.

Never done this, but once when I friend and I were both breastfeeding at the same time we talked about what might happen if we did - would the babies like the "wrong" milk? (Hers was about 2 months older than mine so it might have been milk for the wrong "stage"...) I think we both kind of wanted to try it out of curiosity but didn't want the other one to think us weird!

Long story short, if I was lactating and a baby was in need, I'd definitely do it - I'd just hope the baby didn't find it distressing!

says In the OP, situation was in an airport where there was only a rug shop, I assume the mother had run out of milk so there was no other way of feeding it. Or she was taken ill.

I used to donate milk, I fed a good friends baby once as well (she was having an operation and was fine with it). It's a human action to care for vulnerable humans how we can. Some women can be in a position to provide for a very basic need. Really not weird.

Personally makes my toes curl at the thought! Not for me. I wouldn't like my baby fed by someone else and I wouldn't feel comfortable feeding someone else's.

Literally said in the OP there was no shop in the airport. I’m assuming it was in a third world country, mum and baby could have been there hours and hours by this point.

I think we’d need more info from OP as it seems an odd situation. Established breastfeeding doesn’t usually dry up like that unless the mother is poorly.

Yes it didn’t say why the baby needed feeding just that it did and it sounds like there weren’t any other options (why she mentioned the rug shop only I presume?).

I heard that story on R4 and was going to mention it. The dog saw that the baby was in distress and offered herself up for it. The mother washed the dog's nipples so it was as hygienic as possible. Amazing story.

My mum fed another baby when I was tiny. They were stuck in an airport in remote China, it was about 40 years ago and the other mum was so stressed and upset she couldn’t feed her baby. I don’t know if mum offered or the other woman asked but everyone was happy, the baby was fed/hydrated/soothed and the mum calmed down. I’d definitely feed another baby and would be happy for another woman to feed mine if circumstances necessitated it.

It’s how babies are supposed to be fed, no need for pearl clutching or ickiness.

The dramatic yuck reactions show what a bang up job the formula lobby has done. Good for the bottom line, not good for babies.

I'm also shocked by the people who seem to think there is nowhere in the world without access to a fully stocked shop.

I don’t understand some of the comments about absolutely not would they feed someone else’s child or would they let someone else feed their baby.

As a mum, as soon as baby is hungry and especially when they are screaming hungry for a feed it sends you into panic mode quick feed the baby scenario.

I am sorry but if your baby is at an airport, you are unable to feed for whatever emergency reason, would you rather your baby starve and go hours without food and possibly dehydrated or let someone else give them a quick feed

If my newborn was screaming for a feed and I was say fainted or unwell and I found out a stranger stepped in and gave him a feed I’d cry of thankfulness

I’d have done it in a heartbeat if a tiny baby needed urgent sustenance. I have no ick about it whatsoever.