Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

I am with your husband here. YABU.

You want sex, but in theory you could easily live without it?

Which is it?

put a double bed 🛌 in son’s room if he wakes u go sleep in there no need to be back and forth

Of course he does.

However - I’m sure most would agree that daytimes are chaotic, so we’d actually like some time back to be a couple.

We’d like to not be needed 24/7, 2am actually isn’t anyone’s favourite time to be called upon.

We’d like him to have some independence and healthier attachments that aren’t as intense.

Also - tired. We both get up and down all night to try resettling, repeatedly.

All children have needs, whether they’re SEN or not - but they’re not the only people in the house with them.

No yare not unreasonable.( I barely function with sleep) If Dh doesn't like/comfy with co sleep?he Fifty percent parent= find workable solution.
With hold sex? ...
Yuk
Awful confident think Is "deny" you

YABVU.

YABU a 3 year old needs to sleep in their own bed

🤭 I'm still sharing a bed my 5.5 year old, but im single and very sexless so its alright 😅

But a little weird

What an awful thread.

According to the majority of comments It’s all the OPs problem to sort the child out so her husband can get his sex that he apparently deserves or it won’t be a marriage anymore.

Co-sleeping is quite normal, not sure why so many are so against it with young children. Everyone has to respond to their children in different ways and shouldn’t be judged.

Anyway, he needs to assist you in finding a way to settle your child in their room if that’s what is needed for your own relationship. But the fact you’ve mentioned it’s the only way you get sleep makes me think there’s a deeper issue with you taking the most childcare responsibilities with him doing little. To then expect sex after this is a Mickey take. He needs to pull his weight and assist you with this, it’s not your problem to solve. It requires both parents and team work.

Personally I’d be sleeping with the child in their room if I was that sleep deprived and sleep was a big issue. I couldn’t take the pawing at me for sex when I go to bed - but that’s just me.

Oh look, women helping women again.

THEIR child.

This! Our kids used to start in their own beds and come in with us in the middle of the night. Then you have best of both worlds!

You are, hands down, the unreasonable one.

Op sorry you’ve gotten such narrow minded responses - join one of the cosleeping Facebook groups and you will find lots of us in the Western world who are not obsessed with separating from our children as young as possible!

My partner and I happily cosleep with our 4yo - she goes to bed at 7pm and we have the entire evening to have sex in any other room of the house. It was one of my non negotiables discussed before having our daughter.

Appreciate he is allowed to dislike cosleeping equally as you are allowed to like it and don’t have any suggestions re the disagreement but please don’t let his withholding sex or the opinions on here make you stop cosleeping before you are ready. Sad to see archaic approaches to parenting still being pushed on anyone who dares to do it differently

But in the 1950s mum's did not "co-sleep" with their parents. Maybe some same bed sharing with siblings due to top and tail?

So your dh wants you to get broken sleep and be exhausted so that he doesn't have to go to a spare room for sex?
And in order to get his own way he's with holding sex?

I'd say if he wants your child to sleep in their own room it needs to be shared responsibility. So either he alternates every other night or you do half the night each.

If you read my post I stated that others did not have this problem, only that I did. Never did i say anyone else had my same exp or problems with it. I hated it. But it's lovely yiu didnt.

Whats more important sex or sleep?

SLEEP!!!

And also I wouldn’t want sex with a man that refuses to have sex with me unless it’s in a bed!

So you think it’s ok for him to manipulate her into doing something she doesn’t want to do?!

Co sleep away! You’ll miss it so much when it stops.

And he doesn’t sound like a keeper anyway! Manipulative arse.

As someone who's been up for almost 2 hours with my 4yo if your child is like mine op then I'm with you!

I’ve never understood the appeal in the first place. My kids have never spent a single night sleeping in my bed; I felt like I was giving up so much for them when they were little, and they sure as hell weren’t getting my bed, too.

He's refusing to have sex other places though. It's him that's unilaterally stating that it's on hold until the child is back in his own bed.....so why are you trying to put the blame on the OP for the relationship currently being sexless??

YANBU

3 year old is still so young and it’s completely biologically normal and healthy for both you and child to sleep together. Why should a 3 year old have to sleep on their own? If sleeping alone is so wonderful why do most married couples share a bed?

Your kids will only be young for a short period. Your DH needs to get over himsekd, he’s got young kids, his dick is no longer the priority. You can have sex after snuggling on the sofa.

i bet if the tables were turned and he had to do all the night resettling the story would be different.

I agree with your dh .
Your child need to be in a toddler bed . Go and settle if he wakes. That's what most of us do

I loved sleeping in my parent’s bed. My dad didn’t mind but my mum got irrationally angry and got me by the arm and marched me back to my bed. I was about 3.
My sister divorced her husband and co-slept with her daughter for years - not because her daughter needed to but because she did. When her daughter was 8 she got remarried and her daughter had issues with nightmares and sleepwalking. Her new husband was completely unsympathetic - therefore my sister was too.
Poor little kid.

Setting boundaries is not being manipulative.

Its OPs choice to co-sleep not his