Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

Enjoy the precious time snuggling up with your little one, it goes so quickly and before you know it they’ll have grown out of it and you’ll never get the chance to do it again.
I have 3. 2 of them liked to cosleep and they are some of my most cherished memories as a parent. There were no issues with ‘they’ll never sleep alone’, ‘they’ll be clingy’etc.
Your husband sounds very selfish and unimaginative. He can adapt for a relatively brief period of time. Apart from the utter loveliness of the quality time with your child the issue of everyone getting enough sleep is so important . His wish to dictate when and where sex happens shouldn’t be the priority .

are you a man ?

I'm seeing many people saying not to have sex in bed with her child, lol.. I think that goes without saying and it wasn't what she said at all.. lol

I agree you need to get the child in his own bed as hard as it may be.. for YOU.. and your child. If no one else. Maybe your husband could actually lend a hand if he feels so strongly as to threaten to take away sex .. that alone in my opinion is abusive. Jmo.
However, it's an issue for all of you and should not fall solely on you, with all the consequences. As he is some ruler??
Do your best.. but if he takes sex away your marriage will not last long . Resentment and anger will take over the marriage. That's experience not opinion.
Good luck

I'm not even slightly anti-cosleeping. We coslept up to about 2.5 and DD4 still sneaks in with us every now and then. This is something that we both agreed on. It's still our bed and DD is a visitor in it when she comes in.

I am anti forcing cosleeping on your partner. When you get married you have a reasonable expectation that you will be able to sleep and have sex with your spouse in your own bed.

She unilaterally decided that the bed belongs to her and DS, regardless of DH's opinion and the fact he now cannot sleep well in his own bed or have sex in his own bed.

You are being unreasonable.
You need to start somewhere. It may be difficult at first but eventually your toddler will get used to it.

Why don’t u make a big fuss and say it’s time to sleep in your own bed. They may wake regularly at first. You just need to be firm

Carry on like this and your DH will go elsewhere. Then you’ll be crying how did this happen?
You need balance and this isn’t balanced.

If my child’s other parent thought that my being disturbed all night was more favourable than me having to be slightly flexible around sex, I’d go elsewhere. Most likely a hotel.

*them being more flexible

I would move dc to their own room, they need to move out at some point. They'll get used to sleeping on their own.

"Ick"?????! You have a strange way of looking at co-sleeping!

When you have a child, your priorities shift, or at least they should.

I'm actually quite taken aback at the number of posters who think this man's blackmailing tactics are reasonable! I think it's gross that he will wimp out of settling his own child because he "can't" and expects his wife to schlep out of bed several times a night to do it, leaving her sleep deprived - all because he can only shag in his own bed?

I don’t really know where everyone is coming from here. I’m with you OP and in fact I’ve been there and the spare room has been the sexy room! If he wants sex that’s where it’s on offer. From a Co sleeping mum of a 4 year old 😎

Thinking about it, I’d actually consider it a form of sexual dysfunction to only be able to have sex in one place.

Jesus, that’s a reach. Not wanting to have sex awkwardly perched on a sofa or amongst the junk in the spare room is not sexual dysfunction 🙄

Oh I fully agree with you- it should not be forced on a partner and only one person want agree with the co-sleeping! She can’t monopolise the bed if it’s not agreed by both adults.

But equally, when you have a child together, there is a reasonable expectation that both parents try to parent day and night not leaving one exhausted and one who is fine and putting even more demands on the partner disregarding their need for sleep or their own sexual desires, and also a reasonable expectation that everybody’s needs are met and not only that of the father, which in this case, is what he expects.

Compromise needed by all.

✨Tidy the spare room✨

I agree with your husband.

It is entirely up to you but you have both created a situation where your child is not secure in their own bed. You now face trying to break this habit and yes it will be hard. I think you and your dh should deal with it together and deal with the resettling and night waking together so you can reclaim your bed and so your child can feel safe and comfy in his own room.

You are being very unreasonable!

IMOP you need to go through the rough stage now to get your DC use to sleeping alone! You are making a rod for your own back it will be hell to break this otherwise! I did it with my youngest but had to be consistent with getting him use to sleeping alone in his own room & bed. You & your husband need your bed back for you two as a couple!

your 3 year old should be in her own bed.

Great idea. The op and her child can sleep there.

This is absolute nonsense! I moved my children to their own rooms when it suited me, and them, and the transition was totally straightforward!

You should absolutely prioritise your infant.

We absolutely prioritised the needs of our infants.

Three year old children are not infants.

YANBU

We Co sleep with DC. DC1 until he was 3 and he now has his own room it took 2 weeks for him to be 100% comfortable. And now DC2 who is a newborn will stay in our room untll at least age 2/3 depending on temperament.

Me and DH used to use the other bedroom or lounge for intimacy. No issues wne not scheduled. It was still spontaneous as we socalise after we put DC to bed.
Are you going to bed with DC? If so then that makes intimacy extremely hard.

In our culture cosleeping is super normal. Seems to be illegal according to western society. Me and DH both from Africa. Growing up DH shared his room with his parents until age 5. He had his own bed but in the same bedroom. In my family Dr in.my country cosleeping is normal. Women all sleep in onw room and men all sleep in one room. When I got back home to visit family I sleep in the same room as grandmother, Mother, aunties and cousins. And the Men it is the same. It is not abnormal. Married couples often have their own room but their children are in the same room until age 6/10 it depends.

You need to be on the same page as your DH. If he is not longer happy then compromise. And slowly transition DC to their own room.