Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

Teach child to sleep in own room, or move rooms
with your child and have sex in main bed.

I think co-sleeping is weird, and everyone I know who did it/does it, has issues later, whether with separation issues (parent or child or both), or with relationship with partner. Without exception. Not sure that helps, but it’s my experience. Oh, and yes, I’m a parent.

I'm with your husband on this one. Your bed should be a space for you and husband. A toddler needs to learn how to sleep in their own bed. I used to watch super nanny and she'd show the parents techniques on this.

Understand the guy tbh. At three it’s time for you to get your relationship back.

I know it’s hard, three was about the age I stopped bf and encouraged independence and separate sleeping and it went very smoothly. You have to be consistent with it and you’ll find you all sleep better. Your child is waking because he gets affection and attention, you have to be neutral and just keep putting them to bed with reassurance.

You are at a stalemate. I don’t think either of you are being unreasonable per se but what you each want is not compatible.

Either accept no sex or settle the DS in to own bed.

I do think your DP is unreasonable if he doesn’t also support with the transition, however. This could be getting up to make a drink for you if he can’t do the settling himself.

A 3 year old generally can understand and is very different from 2 year old. You’d have to be committed to it yourself though, but as you said you like it so aren’t really. Your DS will pick up on it if you do it half heatedly though.

YABU

What does DH and DC mean?? Husband yes, child yes but what the heck does H stand for??

Hang on... "DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed"... as in you're actually wanting to have sex when your toddler is in the bed? That is a child protection issue and sufficient to remove. If you don't appreciate that you need to seriously look at educating yourself ASAP

It would personally be a turn off for me if my partner was only willing to have sex in one place, plus the “not wanting to have sex on a schedule” comment would put me off as well. When you’ve got kids, there has to be some element of planning, and my body isn’t up for grabs 24/7.

YABU

DH = dear husband.
DC = dear child.
DW = dear wife.
DP - dear partner.

FIL/MIL/PIL -father in law, mother in law, parents in law.

DSis/DBro - dear sister/brother.

Hope this helps, @Anna1mac.

Agree with some of the previous posts, your child needs to sleep in his own bedroom and bed, it will get harder for you to make the change the older he gets.
Also it is very disrupting to a marriage having a child permanently in the bed, let alone not having sex. Your marital bedroom is a place where you have alone time as a couple, not just to have sex but conversations and intimacy just from being together.
We never co-slept with our daughter because we both felt it would be a huge infringement on our space, so I did all the yo-yoing between our bedrooms.

YABVU. Your child is nearly 3 and should be sleeping in their own bed. Your husband is right and shouldn’t have to feel like he is on the schedule or playing musical rooms. Time to put baby in bed and give your husband some love!

DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed.

It appears to be you that can’t read.

It’s 100% not okay to have sex with your almost 3 year old (or any age child!) IN the bed with you.

You are. I wouldn't want to have to decamp for a shag. If I were your husband, I'd move to the spare room and actually sleep without getting woken up by a 3-year old.

She hasn’t at any point said she would have sex with her child in the bed. Wished people would read the post properly!!

Hi OP. I think it's time for you and DH to start a new routine with DC to make sure you get your sex life back. Sex aside, how is general intimacy? Time together?

A first child can be super consuming and we tend to forget about other stuff.

In response, gently, YABU.

Personally I think children should be given the opportunity to learn to sleep independently as babies. I've had three and I know how tiring it is, but it's just one of the things you need to do as a parent. It won't be long now before your child starts school. And when you're child has learned to sleep independently you and your husband will not have a problem about having sex in your marital bed when you choose to

I am a bit shocked by all of the replies and I hope none of them are making you question what you are doing. You should absolutely prioritise your infant. It’s completely normal for a small child to need a parent at night time. and cosleeping and family beds are the norm in many cultures.

Your husband is being unreasonable and I can’t imagine he would find it that difficult to have sex in the spare room!

So personally I don’t see anything wrong with co-sleeping, contrary to popular opinion clearly. I think that is how nature intended and we have been taught to believe otherwise.
if it means you are getting sleep then I think your husband needs to suck it up for the time being and cope with having sex in another room in the house. Ite alright for him he is getting unbroken sleep anyway. Or maybe suggest putting the child back in their room as long as he does half the wake ups. Has to be 50:50 here.

You are BU. You need to move your child to his/her own room. It's not healthy for any of you

You are BU. You need to move your child to his/her own room. It's not healthy for any of you

If you read the op, he isn’t getting unbroken sleep. The child wakes him up wriggling in the night.

No wonder he is sick of co sleeping.

Sorry OP, I'm agreeing with your DH on this one. It's simply unfair on him.
The sex issue is a definite no-no.