Or is my husband - doesn't want sex unless stop cosleeping with DC

[dhnosex]

DC is just under 3. Cosleeps with us for about half a year now.
I love the cosleeping - it leads to more sleep for me and in all honesty I love waking up to the tiny sleepy face or the little hugs I get in the middle of the night, DH not so much - he occasionally gets woken up by DC turning over in the night and DH believes a bed should just be for parents.
We have a large and comfortable sofa (for sex or to sleep in) and a spare bedroom (which, in fairness is full of clutter and used as a storage room but has a bed).
DH has declared that he is uncomfortable having sex when a toddler is in our bed. Understandable. To my suggestion that there are other places to have sex he's said he just likes it in a bed, after a cuddle rather than a scheduled walk to the second bedroom or on the sofa.
DC sleeps through the night when we cosleep but wakes up every couple of hours if we sleep apart. Inevitably I'm the one that has to resettle DC if they wake up because DH absolutely can't (DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room.
So... who is being unreasonable? Him for wanting DC out of our bed and threatening no sex until I do or me for not wanting to kick DC out? What solutions do I have? I do want sex, in theory could easily live without it but it's not great for a marriage to be sexless.

You think. With your one child. Sure.

Oh stop it. Having one child or 17 doesn’t make any difference here.

Are parents of one child inferior somehow? Shall they ALL report straight to the spare room?

Sex on the sofa is absolutely fine if it’s only you and your spouse who sits on there.

But if you have guests and children who sit on it also, after youve shagged that’s fucking vile. Not repressed at all.

Just fucking clean it!

Clean what?

My already clean sofa that I use to sit on, or yours, after your and your H have shagged on it?

Your experience is very limited in fairness! It does make a huge difference.

My experience as a mother of three adults has been denigrated here but thank fuck, I couldn't give a shiny shit! Fortunately I don't need validation from randoms on a public site, but people could learn from me! I'm not about to waste that experience on randoms who think they know better!

Have you never shagged on the sofa? What is wrong with you?! lol

My former childminder used to shag my very married neighbour on her sofa, and my kids had to sit on it! WTF do you suggest I should have done???

Isn't that what big throws/blankets are for?

Nowts wrong with me, don’t worry. But to answer your question yes, I’ve shagged on sofas. Only sofas when I knew it was just me and previous partners sitting on them afterwards.

Kids in the house, who also sit on the sofa. Shagging = in the bed.

Not a fan of throws and blankets on my sofa.

But I don’t think they were invented just so people could use them to have sex on…

OP, you are NOT being unreasonable.
unlike PP, you know your child best, you know your life circumstances- there must be a reason why your child needs you at night… (perhaps catching up for mummy time if you’re working long hours or something else)

In fact, I would congratulate you for finding a way to ensure everyone gets some sleep by co sleeping. Your husband should be grateful and happy, but he isn’t.
i think you should allow him to EXPERIENCE the set up he is proposing so that he could actually appreciate co sleeping.

The response to your DH might be:

“Honey, you are right, let’s try keeping this bed just for us. Since I was looking after our DC during the nights for last 6 months (by cosleeping), it is only fair - that for next 6 months you will be looking after DC at nights.”

let your DH march to DC’s room at night when DC inevitably calls out multiple times and DH to stay there until DC settles - no matter how long it takes. Use earplugs if needed yourself (it won’t last more than few nights)

my guess is that after a few such nights (when DH actually has to do the nighttime care), DH will only be HAPPY and GRATEFUL for the co sleeping arrangement.

Yep they would indeed!

Regardless of hygiene, shagging on a sofa is uncomfortable and unappealing. I really can’t understand why some people think that it’s wrong to not have sex somewhere that you don’t want to.

You both like it? Crack on. But to accuse someone of being manipulative or pathetic because they don’t want to have sex under certain conditions is really concerning.

Do,people really behave like that in a marriage @PostScriptum or do they just post stuff like that on anonymous forums as advice for other people?

It's a good idea to get her son sleeping through the night given his age but to carry this out as a side issue on a revenge plot...

@adriftinadenofvipers I see you are now trying to justify your argument on the basis that your chilldren turned out better than ours? Really?

It’s not. I’d get into the specifics of why but I can’t actually be bothered.

The thing is - you evidently do give a shiny shit and need validation, or you’d have not wasted your precious time shouting at strangers about your wonderful parenting. It’s very clear that you are very bothered.

Congratulations on raising your three children to adulthood.

I’m sure you’ve done a great job, however personally I’m not sure it’s necessary we all present you with a round of applause and a Mother Medal for bringing up your own kids.

I disagree with co-sleeping even for newborns (thats why you get the nursery and cot ready for when you come home with them), but toddlers is disgusting. And that would be an instant boner killer for a male I could imagine. Massive ICK. Who tf wants to have sex with your toddler next to you? Put the child in his bed where he should have been all along. Or else you'll risk your marriage. I can think of nothing worse than having to share the bed with husband and toddler at the same time or waking up to that.

DC will not go back to sleep, just gets more agitated). If we were to end cosleeping I'd just end up marching back and forth between our room and DC's all night, or camping in DC's room

Christ! That is batshit fucking ridiculous! You've really made a rod for your own back. Wtf were you even thinking? This is why they need their own room from day one, and to be trained properly and not given in to. Cryst almighty I could never live like that as a parent, I've heard of spoiled/soft parenting, but that is beyond ridiculous. How your husband has put up with this for so long I don't know, but you should be thanking him for putting up with this nonsense and apologising to him. Poor guy (and I almost never take the side of the male, ever).

toddlers is disgusting
Cosleeping with a 2yo is 'disgusting'? You've come on throwing around 'batshit' and all sorts after coming out with the above gem? What an aggressive and frankly weird post.

Iny experience those who repeatedly and heatedly state how very happy they are and how wonderful their lives are........ aren't.

People who are truly comfortable and content with the decisions they've made don't feel the need to defend themselves so aggressively (on a thread they didn't even start).

It is a big ask if he’s not willing to put in the effort to make it happen by doing an equal amount of getting up in the night and settling the kids too.

Does he have to start off in your bed though? Can he not go to his own bed, and then if he wakes up in the night you could bring him in for snuggle? So you and husband have atleast a couple of hours, and hopefully going forward eventually all night!
Yes I think you are being unreasonable

YABVU

TheWinderHorse
The truth of the matter is that co-sleeping is not at all bad for children

That depends on the age of the child. Under 1, they are safer in their own cot.
(Appreciate it’s a 3 year old in question on this thread).

This is what I did. They started off in their own bed but usually can e into mine in the night. Often id just find them there in the morning