Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

Speak to citizens advice bureau

contact social services today.

This is exactly why homeschooling needs more regulation and these kids need to be watched more closely.

Sure OP is a good person but generally speaking this should never have been able to happen.

Her dad or his family don't want anything to do with the kids. Unfortunately, I can't force them to be involved. My wife's mother is dead, and dad lives abroad with his wife and stepchildren. The children do have some contact with the wife's sister, but she is unable to take the children. Are there any more lies you'd like to make up, or are you done?

Tbh OP, I would step back from this thread now. I wouldn't update on the out come of your dealings with social services or legal on here. Too many pp will be ready to stick the knife in whatever happens.

Exactly! This is very dodgy indeed.

OP, I hope you already called SS and a solicitor and told them all of this. Act quickly.

This is all disturbingly worrying actually. Why not contact the ss from the beginning, you can not just decide to keep children bevause you want to. And hide them away like this.

You have not done yourself any favours by not informing SS you seem to be fixated on your wife’s gambling rather than securing the girls security with you. Not only could either parent take back the children SS may themselves seek to remove the children from your care. You have no PR and you and your home have not been assessed as you would be if you had applied to be their official foster carer, it doesn’t matter how nice you are there are guidelines arround this type of thing and sticking your head in the sand and hoping for the best is not going to work. Yes the children’s views may be taken into consideration but that doesn’t trump everything else, many children love and want to stay with neglectful biological parents SS may still remove them if they judge it to be the best outcome for the children. SS will try where possible to return children to their parent(s) when they have sorted their shit out. Even if you had an official kinship care arrangement in place it’s no guarantee. Dear friends of mine had their grandchild living with them for 2 years ( mum was an addict) mum got her shit together got clean, went through the whole process supervised contact first then supported contact etc eventually the child went back to their mum. Mum then wanted them to have no contact with the child “ while they settled in” SS agreed that was for the best grandparents tried to have contact, got legal advice all the right things. 2 years later on they have still not seen their grandchild they are broken hearted.

Incorrect. The girls attend 6 hours Monday to Friday and always have done.

Will their aunty testify for you? Do you have any proof that the children have seen her?
If you have any birthday cards, letters, emails, texts... keep them safe OP.

Exactly

And how do you fund this?

@Soontobe60
OP has already stated they work full time

No one is bashing OP. we are just pointing out the different lens' this can and will be looked at from.

if Op had gotten into contact with a family solicitor 6 months after mum disappearing. Even just in regards to medical appointments etc he'd have an easier time. But as others have said, now that mum wants them back he is going to be hard pressed to fight his corner.

He has no legal rights and hasn't made any effort to establish them in the near 3 years she's been awol.

www.dadshouse.org.uk/help

i have nothing to add to help, but I think what you have done for these kids is wonderful. I'd like to think that the authorities can help keep them safe and happy with you. Good luck to you all.

@stephen8 Appreciate legal involvement may cost you money which you say you can't really afford - but you can't afford NOT to act on this immediately. Like Right Now. Today. You need to speak to SS AND a lawyer

I would also in the meantime reply to your wife that it would be absolutely terrible for the children to be uprooted just like that and never to see you again, so it cannot just be done on 12th November like she wants. Tell her you are speaking to SS and a lawyer as the children's needs are paramount and if they return to her on any basis at all, it would need to be done on a very gradual basis, so you are taking advice. Don't tell her you don't want to hand them back to her at all. Just point out that it can't be done the way she is proposing. What a cow she is. Those poor children

This.

Well, before my wife pissed all the money away, gambling, I funded it fully, and now my parents pay. The girls are very happy with their schooling and have no desire to leave.

OP I know you love the girls and your intentions are good but you could get yourself in trouble for not informing SS years ago when you started looking after them alone. You need to get yourself off MN and straight to SS or citizens advice today.

I was wondering about this too, tutor's house for 3 girls Mon-Fri sounds incredibly privileged.
Their mum (or dad) could have showed up at any point demanding the children back, was the OP not worried about that? This should have been a prime concern and immediate SS contact / legal advice. Why leave it so many months, not worrying about PR and thie girls' future with neglectful parents. Odd!

Have you read the thread? The kids have always been home schooled.

Have you chosen to ignore the many updates regarding this or have you not even attempted to RTWT before coming in with your worrying?