Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

You say home schooling was a joint decision with your wife. But also say your wife was ‘drunk and erratic’ and therefore not able to make such an important decision. It very much comes across that you’ve kept the kids off grid and that generally wouldn’t have benefited them

I don't mean this as a criticism of OP particularly, but it is concerning that 3 little girls can disappear into the care of an unrelated man. Terrifying that this has happened.

I can see how this situation came about. Either way, you are where you are now.

See a solicitor. Urgently.

I assume your wife will say she is no longer gambling, no longer drinking, has turned her life around. Which might be true. But she needs to work with you to agree how to move forward in a way that is best FOR THE CHILDREN. Clearly a sudden and complete move isn't it, but no contact at all IF she has beaten her addiction(s) mightnt be in their best interest either.

This is very sad. The girls had only known you for three years when they were left with you. The girls need to be in school and as you have no PR you cannot hang onto them. As PP have saod, Id imagine this has carried on as on paper, Mum was still here. Have you not taken the girls to the doctors in this time? You could apply for contact with them due to the relationship but you have no legal right to hold onto these girls and need to prep them for living with their Mum.

You've been unwise to do this for so long with no formal legal setup. If you want to keep them, and given the short deadline, you'll need to engage a lawyer today and probably contact social services. At that age their opinion will carry less weight than it would if they were older - I'd think that success would look like regular contact, rather than them staying with you.

If you have the time I would also try and go through all previous communication with her and banking transactions to be able to present your case.
Does she have any other family, have you been in touch with them?

As PPs have said, you need legal advice urgently. Don’t do ANYTHING until you have spoken to a decent solicitor, don’t respond to their mother just yet and don’t speak to social services without advice first. You can pay for an initial consultation without any obligation to follow through. You can self-represent in the family court and the judge will make allowances for this.

The children are old enough to express their wishes and there are safeguarding concerns regarding their mum, you have also been their full time carer for over two years. You may not get full custody but this is a complex case and worth fighting.

FFS, get your mind out of the gutter. This says more about you than it does OP.

God you must have had something go on in your life to make you jump to this? It's really sad.

absolutely.

This soynds like quite a mess.
Is she still yoir wife? Have you not started divorce proceedings? You need to, even for just financial reasons.
You should have reported the situation yo social services when she left.
I would involve social servicing straight away. It is strange enoigh that she now wants to live with them, but fully taking you off the picture? Very dodgy.
Also, consider putting them in school. It would be so much easier to get an statement of how they have been looked after from a school. Though I suppose their tutor can help with that. Homeschooling can make it a bit dodgy. If it were up to me, I would ban homeschooling, just to keep visibility on the children.

You need to stop pissing about on MN and justifying yourself and get yourself on the phone to a solicitor.

I can see how you ended up in this position but you are not their father and should have reported that they had been abandoned when it happened to get the ball rolling and officials involved so that you had an audit trail. They wouldn't necessarily have been removed from your care back then but the correct processes for official kin guardianship or similar could have been put in place. So now you need to attempt it on a deadline. There is literally nothing stopping mum or dad rocking up and taking the girls this minute - if you rang the police they would ask If they have PR and on saying 'yes' would not be interested in getting involved. You were naive to think this would never happen.

I will say that it does seem to me (and may to authorities) that you have inserted yourself into these girls lives in a short space of time, decided together to homeschool , let Mum leave without them, call yourself Dad and alienate them from their parents. It does seem abusive and that you could have preyed on them.

Just to be clear, the girls have always been home schooled by a tutor in her house, this is myself and wife's preferred way, and the girls are thriving and doing great in their education. I have in no way hidden them away. They attend dance, kick boxing, and have a very normal childhood with play dates and birthday Party's, lots of friends, and relationships with my family and neighbours.

Any “good dad” would have informed social services if the mother of his stepchildren abandoned them.
The youngest would not have been in school when her mum left, you decided not to enrol her in school. Why has the tutor not raised a safeguarding concern?
Any good dad will have sought professional support for the children.
How have you been funding your life as a non working stepfather these past 3 years?

Get free advice off solicitors. Not just one, several, as many as you can find. Do it right now. Get their opinions and come back to us.

Ignore that poster OP. They are trying to get a rise out of you. Any useless or mean posts are better off ignored.

She can’t physically drag all 3 of them out of your house. If she tries and the girls refuse then you call the police. They won’t let the girls go to their mother if they don’t know her.

Do get family law advice through legal aid. Lots of family lawyers offer legal aid. Ring around and ask. It’s a first step and they’ll advise you from there onward.

If a women posted this would you jump to the same disgusting conclusion... I think not...

You absolutely must contact social services. I’m quite shocked you don’t realise how suspect this looks on paper, regardless of how good your intentions are.

He does work. Read his post. Also stop being weird and making things creepy

Are we not bothering about safeguarding now?

Several posters have given you the best advice.
Contact social services. Tell them everything.

Will you do that?

Regardless you won't get full custody. She is their mother and any court will want to attempt to preserve the relationship.

Contact social services and get them in school, because if they do end up with their mum and she is a bad as you say. That will be safe place for them as well as an extra layer of over sight into their wellbeing.

OP can be the best man in the world ( and nobody saying he is not), but he is up against a woman that left the children for gambling and men. She could use dirty tricks.
The mother may also now be assiciated with other dodgy characters.
Attebding regular school will help OP's case if the other side were to pull that string.
Also, it does highlight how vulnerable children are indeed. They have been abandoned by their legal carers and nobody noticed?

Can't believe some of the shite pp have written on this thread. Now, had you been a woman writing this and the ex was a man with the addictions and running around after other women, responses would have been totally different, how wonderful you are for looking after your step kids.
Double standards as ususal on here.
OP get legal advice and speak to social services as suggested, probably the only decent advice you've had previously on this thread.