Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

And if the child has never been registered at a school there is no obligation for parents to inform the local authority that they are being home schooled.

I don’t know why you have quoted me to tell me that. I was the one who posted that exact information on the thread earlier today.

OP’s DSD’s are attending an illegal unregistered school rather than being EHE.

Your response to my question comes off as quite aggressive.
I think it was clear that I didn't know the process - which is why I asked.

And by unrelated, I guess I mean someone who does not hold parental responsibility.

Because the children have not been in school, not accessed medical care etc, what 'proof' that the children have been in the step-father's sole care for two years would the court be looking for? The court would not be able to check the authenticity of emails and or text messages at such notice?

It’s not aggressive, care order is a totally different order and is applied for by local authority to keep children from harm.
the court would ask the mother, the tutor. Where is the suggestion that they have not accessed medical care, been to the dentist, had jabs etc?
the court will check what evidence is put in from of them to make a decision and order further assessment. Courts do not check authenticity of emails, texts etc it is up to the parties to challenge the evidence and present their case to the court.

Again, I am not familiar with the process, which is why I asked.

So would the mother have been invited to the hearing that was scheduled for the following morning? What if the court couldn't contact her?

I know others have referenced the children not having medical care and or/scheduled vaccinations on a few comments. this may not have been said or confirmed by the OP, it's a really long thread and I've read it in parts over the course of several days.

it is up to the parties to challenge the evidence and present their case to the court.

At the hearing the following morning? That's what I'm asking about, not any following hearings.

I am asking what evidence the court would need to see at an emergency hearing in order to issue what I now understand is called a Interim Child Arrangements Order and a Prohibited Steps Order to legally place children with a person who does not have parental responsibility for them?

@kittensinthekitchen well you'd sort of assume he'd need to provide evidence from a reliable source he has been sole carer.

Which will actually be quite hard for him to provide given the school situation, and lack of SW intervention.

Basically it could be his word against hers. How's he going to argue against 'He threw me out and wouldn't let me near my own kids'

Yup that's my thinking @Needanewname42 and hoping someone can clarify the legal process in place to prevent "my word against yours", because if not, that's quite a scary concept wrt the risk of children being essentially legally kidnapped by a step-parent.

Seeing as SS are now supposedly involved the court would very likely appoint what's called a guardian ad litem - someone who acts for the child independently of either side. Reports would be prepared and recommendations made. None of which would happen in less than 24 hours.

He hasn't claimed any money for the kids either.
Where has the mum been actually living? Where has she been legally living, ie has she ever moved her address, with doctor, HMRC, DVLA etc?

Holy fuck! A good many of you should be fucking ashamed of yourselves! What repellent behaviour towards a man who appears to be doing something rather extraordinary & (assuming all true) should have been supported & lauded.

Not whatever the hell shitshow went on in here.

Where was the kindness? The understanding?

One of the most disgusting threads I've seen on here.

People asking questions have nothing to be ashamed off.
What do you want People to say, "you've done a grand job and all will be fine", when there's nothing to make you think that will be the case?

OP how did it go?

Funnily enough they haven't returned.

Odd.

He said quite a few pages ago that he was leaving the thread.

Yes when he was asked by posters who work in the various fields to clarify a lot of discrepancies.

No explanation has been forthcoming so draw your own conclusion.

An acknowledgement that he is trying to do his best for the children would be nice. Instead of the usual MN man hating shite.

My uncle was put in a somewhat similar position (barring the gambling debts). His wife had two DC by a previous partner and then they had a child together.

She fucked off with her karate instructor (yep, about as cliched as a man shagging his secretary), leaving my uncle with all three kids. She had nothing to do with them again until they were adults.

Amazingly (and in my opinion a slap in the face for my uncle, who raised them from 6 and 4 yo) they actually allowed her back into their lives. I’ve no idea whether he sought PR for them, but he did his best to bring them up whilst having to work FT and she didn’t pay him a penny in maintenance.

My exW’s uncle also raised his two (natural) DC after his wife / their mother fucked off and left him with them. Again, no maintenance and she didn’t make any attempts to see them growing up. I don’t think it’s anywhere near as uncommon as some on MN would like to believe.

Speaking only for myself, I cannot acknowledge something I do not believe to be true.
No adult in these kids lives (assuming they are real) has really done their best.

Asking for assertions that go against years of professional experience to be clarified is not man hating.

People can't agree with what they know not to be true.

Is it really man hating to think he should have made SW aware these kids had been abandoned and he had no legal responsibility or rights to them?

Instead of putting everything above board to protect both him and the kids he tried to keep flying under the radar. Why?

Who knows what his motivation was for that decision, mistrust of SS, ignorance, has something to hide?

Hi Stephen,

I joined this group just to comment on this thread. You have a chance to get these children but it won’t be easy.

1. I don’t recommend getting ss involved. They are unpredictable.
2. Work with your lawyer to get emergency guardianship. 99.9% of judges will give this to you because you already have them. The other thing in your favor is it’s the middle of the school year.
3. once that’s established you can start to build your case. You will have from now until the start of the school year to present a very strong case.
4. get the kids in with a counselor. Tell the court you put them in counseling to help with the transition to mom. This will help you because it will show the court you are working with them and will show your commitment to the children. It also helps build your case that the children are bonded to you.
5. Do not prevent mom from seeing her children once the emergency guardianship is established. This will be hard because the kids won’t want to go. You have to encourage them. I know it will be hard but you’re not the biological father. If you have any chance you HAVE to show the court you aren’t trying to alienate the children from mom.
6. Keep a log. Document every phone call. Every missed or late visit. Everything! Document anything she misses out at regarding Dr. visits, activities, etc. If mom is as unhinged as you say she will definitely mess up.

I’m guessing the courts will order a psychiatric evaluation and at minimum some parent classes and make her prove she is ready to be a mom again. I am praying during this time you can at minimum show the court you have established a bond and get joint custody and hopefully residential, im going through this now with my daughter and granddaughter. We are scheduled for trial in January. I wish you the best of luck.

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@GrandmaHere2019
Very good of you to write that post. But unfortunately the Ops position just isn't that clear.
He appears to have zero evidence that he has looked after these children alone for 2 and half years.
They aren't in an official school, SW don't know, he hasn't claimed benefits.

Unless he actually has some sort of evidence the mum could easily say he threw her out and wouldn't let him access the kids.

I would love you to post an update on this, I'm desperate to know that everything worked out and you have the girls in your continued care. You sound like an absolutely wonderful father who was dealt a bad hand in partner but have gotten through for the sake of your girls.

Did she show up?