Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

That is not correct. The police cannot leave 3 minors with an unrelated adult with no parental responsibility when someone with PR is asking for them.

the police will send them with their mother.

So no safe guarding needed with regards of the mother and her random company of strange men who would have access to the young girls?
Right okay....

Actually, you’re wrong, the police would not let the children stay with a man who doesn’t have PR against the wishes of their mum who does. If the mum calls the police, they would support her and remove the children, then likely contact SS.

So who takes care of these children then?

Get in touch with social services now and a family solicitor

If she’s as erratic as OP says, how is she managing to rent a house and why is she so very suddenly interested in having three children back that she hasn’t seen in 7 months? And doesn’t want OP to see them again?
People with alcohol and gambling problems seldom become magically stable in a short space of time. Is OP even sure it’s her renting the house? Some horrible people prey on vulnerable women with children for all the wrong reasons and someone with addictions and debts certainly fits that bill.

This. There must be another side to it. And you shouldn’t have let them call you dad, because you are not.

You need to get urgent legal advice - see what they make of your situation - what if any options you have.

Then you may well need to make SS aware - especially if they do have to go to their Mums custody where they could be at risk.

But emergency legal advice for your situation really is your only option - and MN isn't going to be able to help.

Why post your name?

He’s said they go to a tutors house for their schooling, along with some other children.
A very tricky situation op. You need proper legal advice from a specialist in family law, I would say.

You need to call SS today and fill them in with everything. They will make a judgement about the care of these children. They may well intervene and stop them from going to their mothers. But whatever they do it will be in the interests of the children.

You may also be able to claim legal aid ring around family solicitors and find out. Then you can make a child arrangements order with the court ( if this is possible)

You need to get outside agencies involved yesterday, so those children will be protected.

I would feel the same way- woman or man.

You have maintained contact with your family- not hers and the dads. Your voice, and that of your families, is the only one your wife's children hear.

Only on MN would you get nasty responses to a man who has stood by and raised dc who are not even his 🙄. OP you need legal advice before you do anything or contact anyone! Make an appointment with a family law solicitor asap. Good on you for stepping up for these kids when they needed you.

Absolutely it also applies to her, where have I said it doesn’t?

The girls asked to call me dad, me, myself, and the girls sat down and had a chat about it. My wife always knew even before she had given birth that she wanted her children to be home schooled. Also, let her leave with them? She walked out on them. What did you want me to do launch the kids out after her. How have I alienated them? There dad is God knows where and the mum you are so hell bent on sticking up for hasn't seen them in 7 months and only visited around 15 times In the last hwar and a half. Gosh, you really do have a big imagination now, don't you.

Thank you. I am seeking legal advice before I do anything, I'm just waiting on a call back.

Probably because she is skint and along with three kids comes lots of money from the government to fund her gambling and drinking habits!

No. It is worrying. And it’s worrying he didn’t let them go to school. And let them call him dad.

Yes, likely a couple of hours a day at most. The cost of tutoring 3 children will be IRO £50 per hour minimum. No way are they tutored all day every day!

OP stop pissing around on MN and get some urgent legal advice. This needs to go to a court preferably tomorrow.

Contact social services asap.

Do you have proof that you’ve been caring for them alone for this length of time?

Are there any text messages that say about her or their dad only seeing them X amount of times.

Screenshot all of the messages (as they can be deleted from the other side).

Then ring SS and explain and say you are worried about their safety etc and what is the best way to handle this going forward.

I know a stepdad who did raise his kids and the mum wasn’t allowed them back but I believe he may have got PR beforehand because she abandoned them or had them removed from her.

It may be that you ask SS about adopting them officially and getting PR.
It won’t stop her having contact/taking them back but you’ll have more rights than you do now.

This. It would be so easy for her to spin this as you deliberately keeping them off grid. As you don't have parental responsibility have you been able to make doctor or dentist appointments for them during that time? If they haven't had any, again it looks like you're trying to hide them away. You haven't spoken to the authorities about three young, unrelated girls living with you for years and whether it should or shouldn't that will ring loud alarm bells.

No, just professional experience of DC in these situations.