Wife wants step children back.

[stephen8]

My step children 7 , 8 and 10 (wife's daughters) have lived with me full time now for 2 years 7 months, in this time their biological dad has seen them once and mum has seen them around 15 times.

Neither one of them have paid towards the children or bought them anything in this time, I have fully provided for them. Yesterday evening, I received this email from my wife.

Dear stephen.

Hi.

I am letting you know that I have recently rented a house in x area and will shortly be moving into it. I will be coming to collect the girls on Tuesday the 12th novemeber.

I think it's best you step back and don't have contact with them. They will need time to adjust and settle in, and contact with you will confuse them and make them unsettled.

Please can you make sure the girls' things are all packed up and ready for the 12th.

Thank you.

I am devastated, these girls are my daughters, I've been in their life for 6 years and for the last two and a half years I've brought them up myself, they call me dad I'm the only parent they really know. I've not spoke to the girls about this yet but they will absolutely not be wanting to go and stay with their mum, infact they don't even want to see her, she's let them down too many times now and the trust is gone.
Has anyone been through this before? Do I have a leg to stand on? I'm assuming I have no choice but to hand the kids over on the 12th? She has financially ruined me with her gambling addiction, I don't think I can afford a lawyer, I'm aware I'm not biologically their dad but I'm the only dad they know, it would destroy them to be taken from me.

You are in control of this narrative- as you well know.

More the fact that you haven't got PR and SS don't know tgw sc are being looked after by you.

He has also stated his wife has financially ruined him. He must have a bloody good job if he can afford tuition for 6 hours a day for 3 kids, plus maintain a home, plus pay for all the other things child related such as their dancing and kick boxing lessons.

@stephen8 do you have authority to deal with medical issues regarding children?

The youngest one wasn’t even in school when her mum left though.

Not really! One of my dc was home educated for a while and there are plenty of homeschooling tutor groups out there run by former teachers etc who barely charge anything

Regardless of what your ex-wife's intentions are, the children's situation needs formalising. You don't have PR and so cannot authorise so many different things. You couldn't get passports for any of them for example. Surely any official documentation relating to them is sent to your ex-wife, not to you? Do you just open any post addressed to her? What about the child benefit for them, which is meant to be spent on them? You can't claim that. This should all have been sorted out when it became clear your ex-wife had abandoned her children with you, years ago.

I agree with this. Those poor children. It will cause trauma to them to have you cut out like this. Please get legal advice & involve SS. This would have to be done v gradually & even if at all.

In the meantime their tutor can testify that they look happy, well fed and dressrd, arrive on time and they are well adjusted, you should be ok on that front.
I think it will help your case that even your parents are acting like proper grandparents to them.
Just, really, get to inform SS.
I would not tell their mother until SS has all possible paperwork and details I can gather to prove what you are saying.

The misandry on this thread is so so obvious

The Tutor seems strange too. 6 hours a day with a Tutor removes all the benefits of homeschooling. Why not choose a fee paying school? Why hasn't the tutor raised a safeguarding concern? Who are the other DC she tutors?

It's not that. There are many red flags from the OP. Abusers don't have a sign on their head alerting us.

Contact SS they will help you, the girls are settled, they can advise them they don't want to go back to mothers, you ca get care orders or apply special guardianships and you can also get financial help. Have you even been getting child benefit or has she been claiming it the whole time they have been with you?

I presume the authorities know they have been home-schooled and this wasn't questioned from LA, did you pull them out to home school or were you doing that before mum left?

She did indeed. She gambled all our money. My parents have stepped up and paid for their education. And yes it's difficult to afford eveything sometimes but like any good dad I just go without so that my kids can have the best, I'm not going to pull them out of clubs because their mum is selfish and gambled all the money then pissed off.

Your parents are tremendously kind to fund the tuition of 3 children who are not related to them in any way!

Who has been taking them to their health appointments, authorizing their vaccines, etc? How nobody ever questioned that the parents were not present for this.
If this post is genuine, I'd be very worried that it was this easy for anyone withoutvPR to keep children in their care without any services involvement.

www.dadshouse.org.uk/familylaw

Because it's not our chosen way of educating the girls. And no she hasn't, the tutor only has lovely things to say about the girls and myself as a parent, she has no concerns. Then other children are children who's parents have also chosen this style of education. All 3 girls are thriving and doing great with their work and have plenty of great experiences through this form of education.

Who says?

They WILL let the mother take them if she can prove who she is and her PR. Please don’t give false hope! To remove her rights it would have to be shown that she is ‘unfit’ and that can’t happen overnight. Even then she’d probably still retain PR unless they are adopted.

A solicitor, social services and a court order are the only way forward.

As I said, not a criticism of the OP, who may indeed be an amazing father figure. It is still alarming that 3 little girls can be left in the care of an unrelated man and with no involvement from the authorities. Safeguarding nightmare.

It is a red flag that she hasn't raised this with SS.

People have said the same things to grandmothers, when mums abscond on here.

contact their fathers or social services, formalise the arrangements. That is a very standard thing to do when resident parents abscond.

Even with biological parents, but especially if you are a man you need to formalise the care arrangements as they way the law is set up it is generally easier for Mums to come and take away a child they've left for years without much friction unless you have lots and lots of proof.

And even then the court will still allow access. A non biological carer with no formal arrangement will find it harder.

Those children are their grandchildren, they don't require the kids to be blood related to see them as grandchildren.

If SS become involved, I’m sure they won’t agree to 3 upset kids who haven’t stayed with their mother in nearly 3 years, to be just plonked with her. It will surely have to be gradual. Especially given her erratic history.