To date friends ex?

[imasize3]

My friend had an ex and they were together for a year, she wanted them to move in together (he lived about 2 hours away at the time) and that was the catalyst for their breakup as he didn’t want to.

Three years since and she’s living with her fiancé and seems very happy. I bumped into her ex on a night out and found out he’d moved back and we live close, he added me on socials and we’ve been talking non stop and he’s asked me out.

I’ve spoken to my friend and she’s clearly pissed of wish me and said she’d prefer I didn’t go out with him

YABU. And I suspect you know it.

Ah, I wouldn't have spoken to the friend in any sort of way which suggested asking permission.

I think that's a fair gap since they dated and she has a good life, go for it.

Well only if you want to lose your friend.

Tell her to fuck off and shag her ex, YOLO!

No, obviously don't do that. Don't be a shit friend. Take a step back and learn to be a better person. And apologise to your friend for even mentioning it!

You shouldn’t have let it even get to this point. Why are you messaging her ex? Was he your friend before? I would cut off any “friend” who dated an ex, imagine socialising and seeing them all the time. No thanks.

It depends if you value the friendship and want to continue being friends with her.

Value the friendship - Don’t engage with this man any further and delete him from your socials.

Don’t value the friendship - Go for it, and date him. Don’t expect her or any other friends to be accepting though.

Well she has now said she would prefer you didn’t the ball is in your court.

It was a one year relationship that ended three years ago. How long does she feel entitled to have a say in other people’s sex lives.

Assuming both are basically nice but were just unsuited, she’s actually being shitty, and worse entitled. If however, she’s unable to be in the same room as him because he was awful then that’s different.

Maybe she’s dreading him being your plus one at the wedding?

Jesus, pick someone else

Could you really enjoy a penis that had been in ya mate????. Grim imo.

You can't date the man that ditched your friend (presumably she was very upset at the relationship ending given she wanted them to live together) and expect your friendship to remain.

Life just doesn't work like that the vast vast majority of the time.

Are there really no other available men in the world that you could go on a date with? This isn’t great from a friend, is it? And what are his motivations, bit weird from him also.

I am so surprised at the comments on this thread!! I would have said that no one owns their exes and that given it's been 3 years (and assuming he didn't treat her terribly), then she has no 'claim' on him and even if she's a bit put out at the situation, she'll just have to get over it!
(Maybe I'm biased because my own parents met when my Dad was dating my Mum's best friend. They broke up, and he and my Mum got together and have been married 40 years. Makes no sense that the friend should be upset at a relationship that was obviously much more suited that the original one was!).

I wouldn't be territorial in this situation, no one owns another human and the relationship is over. If you have a genuine connection then life is too short. She's engaged to someone else!

Did you read the OP?

she wanted them to move in together (he lived about 2 hours away at the time) and that was the catalyst for their breakup as he didn’t want to.

Sounds like she had strong feelings for him, and would have been crushed knowing he didn’t feel the same as he didn’t want to move in.

Not wanting your friend to date your ex (who you had feelings for) is not dictating peoples sex lives!

The classic MN use of “grim”

Unless you’ve only ever been with virgins then your man’s penis has also been inside other women.

I’d only say “grim” if it were a family member he’d slept with.

She was crushed at the time, and in the intervening period has got over him enough to start a relationship and get engaged to someone else.

That is putting it in ancient history territory for me.
Or maybe she doesn’t like the fiancé quite so much as she is letting on.

At what point would you think the friend was being unreasonable? After ten or twenty or forty years she still gets to be asked, and to be sniffy about it?

So she liked him more than he liked her, and they broke up. That's sad, but that's life. It happens to most people at some time or another. It still doesn't mean you get to dictate what happens with your ex just in case they happen to like someone else more later on.

If it didn’t work out with him would you regret losing your friend? If not you may as well go for it as you can’t be that invested in her

You wouldn't share a dildo off your mate so don't suck up her sloppy seconds, it's disgusting.

Depends what your after. If he didn't settle down with her then it's likely that he wont with you. How close are you to this friend?

She’s not dictating, is she?

She said “she’d prefer I (OP) didn’t go out with him” Which I think is pretty normal between friends. Good friends anyway.

The OP can happily go and date him, but she shouldn’t expect her friend to be happy about it or continue the friendship.

There's also a thing where men attempt this deliberately with their ex's mates for their own ego

It's obviously going to be too weird to date him and stay friends with her.

Where do you see this going? Double dates are off the table, talking about what you and your boyfriend are doing at the weekend isn't comfortable for her.

It just comes off like you want to win in a weird Pick Me competition where he settles woth you but she wasn't good enough. Even if that's not how it feels to you, it's understandable she may feel that way.

Such weird responses!

the relationship ended because he wasn’t that into her

unless there’s a massive drip feed that he was abusive - you’re all grown ups

shes being weird

Exactly then you'll feel used and stupid .,, find someone else.